Great. Make sure you keep him in the loop everytime she comes up with lies to him. You just forward the evidence showing the truth. Father's love their daughters...but fathers do not like being lied to!!

One word of caution. Do not forward how you got the evidence to her father. As much as he may agree to help you he will ultimately side with his daughter. And he should. Unconditional love.

My father in law was very helpful but did call me and say. I know I told you I would be there for you if my daughter did something to damage your family but you have to realize she is my daughter and I have to support her. Having two girls of my own I understood.

Although my wife had lied up and down to them saying she did nothing wrong and I was a monster. Family will always stick together.

Another caution is your own family. Each family is different but they will support you as well. Same principle. However they most likely will want you to go on the full on offensive. They will not accept the indiference of Plan A. Logically you can see why since it looks as if you accept what has happened and are giving in (you are not by the way). I was told by my father to stop being a [censored] and be a man and throw her out. Now he tells me that I am a much bigger man than he for how I was able to handle it. Moral is take whatever advise you get and do what suits you best. I guess that goes for this board as well. It is your journey but it is wise to at least listen to those who have already traveled the same path.

Gramn:

You are so blessed to have Mortarman. He was my salvation almost exactly two years ago when I was in the midst of PLAN B!!

This is a WAR and he is a master at the ART OF WAR!

All I can possibly share right now is to let you know that EXPOSURE and revealing the TRUTH to everyone that you know will not only put you back on the OFFENSIVE.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, it will help you FEEL 100% better. You can hold your head up and know that at least you are doing the RIGHT THING, what GOD is wanting you to do!

Thanks everyone. (Mortarman, I had to take notes!)

-FiL (Father in Law) said that he wanted to talk to his wife about what to do next, and thanked me profusely for telling him. He was very shocked. I was clear that I wanted to help her and save our marriage. He apparently does not think that the marriage can be saved, but does want to help. He is a good guy, but you are right, my Wife will always come first to him so I must be careful.

-OK, about the revealing... I'm at a loss. Many people have been told by her. Should I talk to those people to clarify the truth? Or just ignore them, since they know?

-I have not gone to the Y board yet. I'm still conflicted about that, but I guess I have to do it soon.

-I have a counciling session a week from today.

-I've thought about telling my parents, but I'm not sure how that will help. She has never liked them much anyway.

What about an appointment with Steve Harley?

That would be well worth it to you at this point!

Gramn -

Follow mortarman's advice. He is the expert. Your wife is just being the typical WS. I know it is stressful to you, but we have all seen the same actions a thousand times.

I won't to go into a long rant, but my WH and I worked together. He made up lies about me at work, he told all our neighbors stuff, his family, and even our lawyer. In fact our lawyer thought that I was making up that he was living with OW.

So don't take any of this personally. I went on about my life, held my head up high, and tried to take the higher road. Now everyone knows the truth. WH is still living with OW after 2 and a half years.

Expose to all, but do it calmly. My WH had be thinking I was so crazy that my exposure was not done in a calm matter.

It is up to you whom you talk to. If these people are important to you then yes...they should hear your side. You mentioned your wife is leaving out very important parts of the story when she tells people. It may be in your interest to clarify things. It's not to drag her name through the mud but rather to get your side out.

This will also expose her as a liar and cut of some of the enablers and support network. The only caution I have is telling too many people that are close to you. If you do work it out it becomes uncomfortable for the WW to go to family events etc. That was a big hurdle for us in recovery. To her I looked like a saint and she a villian. I wish I would have been a little more selective with regards to family members I told. I was very open about it cause I was hurt and pissed and didnt expect her to come back. Sound familiar.

It is really your call. Drastic times call for drastic measures. If she is running around trying to difuse the situation by bad mouthing you then beat her to the punch. Just make it clear why you are doing it. To make an attempt to preserve your family.

It may be good to talk with your parents at a minimum. They will support you and are a good sounding board. My family is not very close but I learned how they could be there for me when I needed it. As in an earlier post some of the advise was misguided but it did help to have someone I could trust to talk to.

OK, I got that custody download...
This is not the stuff I want to be dealing with now...

I have not been able to get in touch with anyone at the Y. I wanted to ask someone about that supposed "coming out" thing, but I still don't know what is true.

What about the Steve Harley appt.?

What's going on, Gramn?

Are you wanting to give up on this?

You are doing fine.

I know Gramn. I know. But if you wait until it starts happening to you, it will be too late. You must begin to amass your evidence now, just in case. You need so much ammo, so much evidence, that the other side dare not challenge you...because they know they will not win. My wife found that out the hard way. It's not that you are filing or going for divorce. It is that you are preparing for all contingencies. Remember, that little girl is depending on YOU and no one else. Do what you can and let God take care of the rest.

Doesnt matter, really. Not yet anyway. You need to get together those letters and emails to friends, Y board, etc. Time to get them out there. You should have that stuff ready by the end of today...and then start sending. My wife tried to make me look crazy, lied to friends about me and about A. But in the end, I was able to get out the truth. And most do not trust my wife anymore. Not like they used to.

Gramn, you have work to do. Read that e-book. Begin amassing all of that information and protections. Get the exposure done. You should be done exposing by the end of the week, so you can move onto Phase Three. One of the things that will help you and your marriage is by you staying on plan and staying two steps ahead of them. Get more intel. Find out what they are doing. Is the internet now compromised?? In any case, your about $200 or less, you can get a digital phoen recorder that you can plug in at your house somewhere she doesnt know it is. Then, when she uses the house phone, incoming or outgoing, it will record the conversations. Make that happen.

There has been a lot put out here. You have a lot of work to do. They are floundering around, doign damage control. Well, guess what? Time to do more damage to that relationship. Prepare ti file for custody of your daughter and to move assets.

This is NOT the end of your marriage. But, it is establishing boundaries and protecting yourself, your daughter and your family. Ultimately, you are protecting your wife also. You only have 6-8 weeks of Plan A...max. You need to use this time very wisely.

All of us are very confident that your situation looks promising for a marriage that can be salvaged. But that doesnt depend on your wife...it depends on you. Follow the plan, do as the experts like Dr. Harley says...and you will have a shot at this. Remember, over 97% of these types of relationships do not last. So, their relationship has almost zero chance of surviving. You are only in day three here. This process will take some time.

But dont you lose sight of the goal. You have done well so far and have been working hard. So, get back to work!

In His arms.

Another thing about the Y. My wife met the OM at her gym. Guess what I did? I walked right in there, with her there and OM (you should have seen the looks of all the people who knew everythign and saw me there...both her and Om had been there awhile and everyone knew everyone...it was priceless!!). I walked in and asked for the manager. Asked for his information (phone and address) and I walked out.

Remember when we reached Baghdad...and we were just getting there? And we sent in a buncjh of tanks to roll thru downtown Baghdad? Why did we do that? I mean, after they rolled thru, it was days before we actually took that area. Why did we do that?

We did it to let the enemy know we were there, that we could do anything we liked without being stopped...and we would be back. Psychological warfare, Gramn.

You walking into the Y, asking to see a manager and asking for the corporate information (by the way, having a tape recorder hidden on you will help as you can show the Y board how others there will try to protect OM by being nasty to you!!)

They called that mission into Baghdad "Rolling Thunder." Well, it is time for you to do the same. Rolling Thunder on the Y.

In His arms.

Gramn-

Okay....I didn't plan to erect a website dedicated to your WW's affair, I was just trying to support you (Since I've been there myself).........my bad.

-Caren

Look for a tape or digital recorder is capable of voice activation, and can be plugged into a wall outlet. The smaller the recorder, the smaller the batteries, the shorter the recording time.

I used a standard tape recorder with 4AA batteries standard record time 60min each side. It had to be manually turned over.

Get a phone outlet splitter allowing to phone lines to be connected to 1 outlet. connect the 2nd phoneline and the pre existing phone to the splitter. At the end of the second phoneline connect your radioshack $7.00 phone to voice recorder adapter, then connect the adapter to recorder line-in or mic jack. Turn on the recorder and set to record voice activated. make sure the volume is turned all the way down. Wrap in towel to ensure you will not hear any clicking.

under or behind bed or desk

Recorder $30.00
Splitter $ 3.00
phone to recorder adapter $7.00
10 foot phone line $3.00
Total Cost $45.00 (all at radioshack)
Results, Priceless

No offense! It's fine! Thanks for the support... Go Bucks?

Yup, Go Bucks.

I think that if you can get temporary custody of the baby, and if she wants to separate, that you make it clear you're not going anywhere, along with exposure.....regardless of what they're telling people, it's going to force them BOTH to live in reality land (Affairs don't survive long there), and before you know it their little fling is going to come crashing down around their ears.

You are the stable parent at this juncture....your brains are not currently residing below your belt buckle.

So the OMW says she doesn't want to reconcile? I think maybe that may just be the initial shock of it all.....I think she may change her mind. And I'm sure his wife knowing is putting a definitely cramp in their style, since you injected a healthy dose of real life into their fantasy world.

I'm sure that your WW is being pretty hateful right now.....been there done that, my WH said some awful things, and I thought he meant them, until one day he changed horses in midstream...and instead of the original reasons he no longer wished to be married to me, it was suddenly because I was BORING......that one bounced right off of me...I may be a lot of things.....but BORING is NOT one of them. But by that stage of the game, I had been posting here on MB for a good while, and had my fog suit on, so the babble just bounced right off. (Partially because of the not being boring thing, and partially because my gawd the OW was the most boring person on the freakin planet....and my polar opposite)

They don't say what they mean, and they don't mean what they say. Your WW is using anger and cut-downs to hide the embarrassment that she feels over the exposure.

Have you told her parents yet? I would, and quick, and make sure that you tell them that you have physical evidence of the affair, even to the point of a pregnancy scare....that may change their mind about financing the divorce.

I wrote a letter to the OW in my situations work....told them the entire thing, they chose not to act on it, they felt it was a personal matter....but guess what....that's still went in her file, and now they know what kind of person they have running that particular candy store. (I refuse to frequent any of that companies stores...and maybe it's a coincidence...but maybe it's Karma...but they have shut a few of the stores down, ain't that a shame?)

I thought of making a flyer and putting it in all her neighbors mailboxes(but I didn't).....and I found out SO MUCH information on her, I think I scared my FWH. I knew more about this woman than her Momma.

-Caren

I'm not too concerned with more research or snooping. I am just trying to figure out how do get this out and all that. I am mentally drained by all of this.

AND, on top of all this, we've got no money. Before all of this started, I was working on a budget to get us on track. Today I had to deal with the gas company to not get it shut off! What crap!

Yeah, dealing with utility companies in the midst of your personal crisis sucks....I agree.

Well finding out info on Y-Guy is good ammo, for instance, if you live in Franklin County check out www.fcmcclerk.com site, and you can find out if he has any criminal history, because you sure don't want that baby around him.

-Caren

Edited to Add: If you go to the franklin county clerk site, click the link that says "Public Access".

Is there a link like that for Richland County??

Post deleted by Gramn

This ordeal has been a very lonely one. It seems like she's got more people supporting her than I do! I guess she's just more of a social person...

-------------------
OK, the latest annoyance... She says that I'M making stuff up! I told her this yesterday:

OK, so today Wife asks OM about this and he apparently says something like "Of course I said I love you! He is making this up!"
So, of course, she believes him... [/quote]