I called the swimming instructor woman, who was one of the people that I had emailed yesterday. Very interesting... The Y's email has been cut off. Apparently she never even saw what I sent to her yesterday. (ALthough she does know about the situation) Someone went around to her computer and deleted it! Apparenlty someone deleted emails from everyone that they could!

wow that's interesting!

Pep

More info...

Wife called and I told her about these strange messages. She said that she and OM know that it is not me... Hmm... He suspects who it might be. I guess this guy has several enemies...

Gramn -

I can't imagine anyone contacting a church in Oregon. I don't even recall any MBer's living in Oregon. And anyway, what would a church in Oregon have to do with your situation?

Did the OMW's wife say anything else?

-Wife also said that everyone already knew before my emails. (Strange that someone would run around deleting them then, huh?) Wife pleaded with me to be the respectable person that she knows I can be... (While she keeps shacking up with this A$$...)

Whatthesamhill is she asking of you? ... Does she want you to bend over and take it ... with no vaseline!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Pep (waiting for the mods to come here and edit my vulgarity)
lalala <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

As I mentioned to you before.

[b]Do NOT listen to ONE word she says, not one.

Good or Bad. WS will mislead you EVERY way they can. The good stuff is the worst, it leads you into a place of calmness while she is preparing to NUKE you.


Keep repeating this to yourself "Don't believe one word she tells me, good or bad."

Listen to everone one here and NEVER question the advice given, especially if supported by several members.

These affairs are NASTY business, worst thing ever in your life. You have to do things that appear to be mean to your wife but they have to be done in order to protect her.

How will you feel in 5 years if she is alone after this OM has used her and dumped her [censored] in the ditch along with your daughter? Guess what, this will happen over 90% of the time.

TA:

97%

-ol' 2long

Yep - 2long is right - 97% of the time. And of the 3% of WS's who do stay together and get married - 75% get divorced. Help me, someone, I'm not good in Math. What percent end up staying married?

.75%. Notice this is not 75%, but three-quarters of 1%. Not very promising.

[b]A study was done of business executives who had affairs. 97% said they would not divorce their wife to be with OW. That's how this 3% came about.

I asked Steve Harley this question also. He said there are NO hard facts, it is only an educated guess. He stated "all I know is that the odds are very high for any affair not lasting more than a few years."

I did recently read an article about the % of affairs that do break up.

About 60% lasted LESS than 6 months. I believe most ended within 3 months.

75% ended by the 12 month.

90% failed by year two.

And of the remaining 10% of affairs that led to marriage or long term relationship only 75% of them made it to year 5.

I guess this gives about a 3% chance also. The article also went on to say that they had no idea if these relationships were happy relationships. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No one knew otherwise why delete them. They probably still think you are the Oregon emailer.

It is all lies. The problem is they have also started lying to each other.

Respectability is a two way street. She needs to be deserving of that at this point. Of course you DONT tell her that.

The stats dont lie. Everyone here has been through this and a lot of us made it or are making it. I bet if you polled the fine posters most of them would say the WS and OM are done regardless of the M being over or not. It usually does not work out. They find out that greener grass is still just grass and if not trimmed and taken care of it looks like your neighbors lawn. Full of weeds,bare patches, and grub worms.

I know that it won't work out... But it's still hard now.
If YGuy ends up living with my daughter for a week, that is FAR too long.
Part of the reason that affairs probably don't work out is the general personality of the people. These are people who are willing to give up on an existing relationship if it is not working. These are not people who care at all costs to make it work. (WHat do you think?)


What is sickening me so much right now is that she seemingly has EVERYONE on her side. Not that people are mean to me, but they go out of the way to help and support her and to me say somehting lame like "I'm sure it's hard." This is a small town which we've lived in less than 2 years. Most of the friends are hers. (Most of my friends live farther away)

Gramm, you would be so surprised at how many people think having an affair is perfectly ok. But don't take it personally. If someone offers you sympathy, be sure and say to them that yes, affairs are very hard on a marriage but you are doing everything you can to save your marriage. Make sure these people know the true facts and not the lies your W has told them.

What is up between the OM and his W? Have they seperated? Is your W still in contact with the OM? If so, I would tell her she can't be calling the OM from your home. That she needs to show you a little respect and not flaunt her sleazy affair from your own home.

Gramn-

I checked and Richland County Clerk of Courts doesn't have a website, you could still go to the court house and see if he has a criminal record....even traffic tickets...it's public knowledge.

I wanted to comment that her asking you to be the honorable person she knows you can be, means that EXPOSURE IS WORKING, you are getting under their skin.

You need to fire something back at her when she starts that crap.....she doesn't realize how completely ridiculous it sounds for HER to ask YOU to be honorable......when she's being dishonorable all over the place. It's all BABBLE. You need to babble back. Orchid is GREAT in this department. It helps because you can reply, it confuses the WS and it's not a Lovebuster. For instance when she says you should be honorable say something like "Honor is an interesting concept"--I'm actually not very good at this, but Orchid ROCKS....it gets a little humorous, actually.

I know all this is monumentally hard to swallow, and all of us thought at the beginning that our situations were unique.....they WEREN'T. Your WW is following the standard WS script to a T.

Make sure you write those letters to the higher ups at the YMCA, I'm sure they won't be too thrilled.

As for your WW having more people on her side. YES it does feel that way, I felt totally isolated too, and I kept thinking WHAT ON EARTH?!?! DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO MORALS? The answer is No....they don't. Our society, is, unfortunately morally corrupt. (My family didn't even support me saving my M)

I did, during my turmoil, have the opportunity to brow beat my friend who was *Dating* a married man.....and she ended up breaking it off (Eventually)...and weirdly enough, although she was the OW in this case, became deeply depressed after she ended it.

Also, the FOW in my particular case is beginning to act QUITE bizarre. During the height of the "A" she was at her work every single solitary day (She manages a Candy Store, **GrovetuckyOh....can you figure out which one?? LMAO There's only one.). Now she there infrequently. I actually drove by her house today to make sure that she didn't get a new car or something....nope she's still driving the same old beater.

The reason I tell you this is to give you hope. I know how bleak it can seem....but please know, none of this is unique, and Mortarman led me through it, he'll not fail you.

-Caren

I'll have to learn about that babble... Hmm...

WW talked to her family about OM. She was REALY MAD at me that I'd already told them, but I was unappologetic.

Do they know he is a married man with 3 children? I would make sure all her "friends" and family know this.

I think they know this. (At least the people I talk to do.) I think it's not that some people necessarilly "Suport" her, but they'd rather just be left out of these things entirely, not wanting to get involved or put themselves into a complex situation. It doesn't really help or hurt my cause, but I guess I can respect that.

Just be sure that everyone has the correct story, Gramm. She is telling people that y'all "split up" because you are satan incarnate and, in the meantime, she met her "soulmate," right?

Make sure they understand that you are not and have never been "seperated" and that it was this sleazy affair with a married man, with 3 children, that precipitated her desire for a divorce. She only wants out so she can carry on an affair. She only decided you were the devil himself AFTER she met sleazeboy. See, what I mean? And let her know that you are correcting the story she has put out there.