I agree still 100% that you should expose that low life to the board. You need to seriously start screwing with that dude's serenity.....and QUICK. Make having a relationship with your wife very unsavory.....it's quickly becoming that way.......FINISH IT!!!!!!!

Also, when she talks of divorce/dissolution, find a family affirming line and say it to her EVERYTIME!!!!!!!!! When I was in Plan B (Short and I really screwed it up) my counselor advised me to say this to my FWH when he would go bizerk "None of this would be happening if you'd end your affair with OW" She said "Just repeat this to him over and over like a broken record...as the answer to all his questions" I don't suggest you say that thing in particular, say something like "WW, I cannot, in good conscience entertain the idea of breaking up our family" and tell her it everytime she brings it up.

Yeah, she's thrashing around because you're not letting her have her way, and her getting FULL CUSTODY is not a very good bargaining chip....she doesn't really have a leg to stand on, especially since you are documenting everything, and in her foggy state she'll be having trouble remembering anything. She's looking for your weak spot Gramn......but YOU DON'T HAVE ONE as far as she's concerned!!!!!!!!!

Is there a possibility of you getting child care for your daughter while you're at work?? That would minimize the likelihood of her coming in contact with OM. And if this is a possibility, YOU drop her off....(See if they have some kind of log book you can sign) YOU pick her up...again...sign something...or have them sign something...EVERYDAY.

You are doing so much better than you think you are Gramn.....really you are. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it's true!!!!

-Caren

Oh how I well remember, Gramn!

She is trying to provoke you into anger. I agree with Pep regarding your need to stay cool while she goes nuts out of desperation.

Also, Caren has a good thought. You might not want her to take care of the baby during the day. She's becoming too unstable. You know, TEMPORARY INSANITY....

Hang in there, GRAMN. You are doing great. This is TOUGH STUFF...

We know it. We've walked in your shoes....

Sorry to be a broken record, Gramn.

Expose to the board!

Expose to the board!

Expose to the board!

Nuke that sorry excuse for a man!

Thanks everyone. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hey Grahm.
I going to reach out to you out of nowhere on this thread and tell you man to man what you are lacking.... Why is it you have not expoesed to Y board?Is there something wrong with you?
Do you not have the gonads to do what you must to try and salvge this marriage?
I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you have a very short window of oppotunity here and if you don't take advantage of it now, it will never be available to you again.
I'm going to break with the very sensible advise you've been given here by all of these lovely ladies.
You better "Cowboy UP" right now and do what you have to do, or get used to Divorce and Custody agreements.
The choice is yours, my man, strictly yours.
Do what you have to do, and do it NOW!!!!!!
Jerry

way to keep your cool my man. I know that must be tough. Better document that one and save a piece of glass or two. some visual evidence. You got to get some of these rants on tape.

Did that recorder I sent ever show up. It is really little so it may be in the bottom of the envelope. Hopefully you kept it.

I think the end of this phase is coming closer. She is about to hit rock bottom. You will do what you need to but that letter to the board will probably send her there. Unfortunately she will need to get there before she can get better. Just hold out your hand to help her up when she needs you.

More "interesting" news...

I started monitoring the computer again. (I backed off for a few days because she knew I was monitoring.) Anyway, she took a pregnancy calculator on some website!
SO Here is what I now face:
1) Maybe she was just curious about if she had been pregnant and it means nothing.
2) She is pregnant and lied to me saying that she is not. If this is the case, she should really stop her smoking and drinking.
3) If she is pregnant, she listed her date of conception as 5-24, just 5-7 days after we last had sex. So, even if she thinks OM is the father, she does not know for sure. Ugh...
-----------------------------------------------

Feelin Groovy- I have the empty envelope. (I checked it again) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I don't know how small this thing is, but unless it's microscopic, then it's not in there. Darn! Stupid Fed Ex. I'll pay you back for it sometime.

Saving a piece of glass is not a bad idea. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I also have tried to tape some of her rants, but I need to do a better job. It's hard to tape without her knowing that I'm taping.

WELL, THE LETTERS TO THE BOARD ARE IN THE MAIL!

For better or worse, I'm done with the "reveal" phase...

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, keep up your Plan A:

• Meet whatever ENs your wife will let you
• Document, document, document
• Keep getting more info on their continued contact
• Keep becoming the primary caregiver of your daughter
• Have all your financial ducks in a row...dont let her wipe you out
• Make sure you are prepared legally
• Stay on message...no divorce talk!
• Did I say "document, document, document?"
• Try to get a good way to start recording your conversations with her...that way things wont be hearsay

Now, this will sound sordid, but Gramn...now is the time to sit back (as you do the things above) and watch the show. Your wife is going to do some crazy stuff. She is going to completely blow your mind with the stupid things she says and does. You are gonna have to learn to laugh at it. Shoot, if this werent so serious and so hurtful...it would be damn funny!

Watch them run around, making mistakes all over the place. Keep your boundaries up. Do not give an inch. You have a little while for Plan A to sink in. Plan B will most likely come.

Use this time to get in touch with the Lord. Shore up your relationship with Him.

You are now moving forward. Hang in there.

In His arms.

I agree with MM sit back and watch the show.

No Gramn the tape players are not microscopic! Just hand held. Do not worry about the cost. They paid for themselves. I will look around for the other one. It will probably be beneficial to get some of her ranting on tape.

You wife will probably be like the exorcist when she realizes you sent those letters. She will spew green bile and her head will flip around. Just stay with your script and hang in there.

And by the way I think you did the right thing by sending them. Obviously OMW was not doing anything to stop this so let the chips fall where they may.

Well, as soon as I got home, she flipped out about moving. She has started packing a few things. She says that she has found a house for her and the baby to rent. I said "you are not taking our daughter from her home". She flipped out and drove away with her saying that I'm evil (or was it insane?) and that her lawyer would destroy me and that I'd never see my daughter. I remained calm the whole time.

This whole thing has me really going crazy. If she finds a place and takes our daughter there, what can I do?!? I can't get temporary custody unless we both file and the court rules on it. But I'm sure that if she takes her and tries to set up a new home, that could hurt my chances... I don't want to get in a literal tug-of-war over the baby, but that is what she would do.

Hmmm....

You might consider calling the police when she leaves with your daughter, saying that she's acting like a madwoman and you're concerned about your daughter's well being.

Of course that's a LB of gargantuan proportions, but it's one way to make sure that she doesn't take your daughter from you.

Why not physically stand between your wife and the door while she's holding your daughter? Not lay a hand on her or your daughter, but simply physically interpose yourself, preventing her from leaving while she's got your child?

Again...make it clear to her that your daughter is BOTH of your child...and that you refuse to let her take her away with her to live in her adulterous fantasy land of shame. If she wants to destroy herself, you can't stop her, but you WILL NOT let her do this to your daughter too.

Threats Threats. How can she actually do that. The head is spinning and she is spewing bile.

I dont know what each states laws are but I know in my state she could not just pack up and move. Your daughters home has been established and she cannot be removed without your AND your wifes consent. If your W chooses to leave it would be viewed as abandonment. I was told under NO circumstances move out! This could be to your benefit. Again your state laws are different so call your lawyer on what you need to do to prevent this and get the necessary paperwork done and file to protect yourself.
\
just plain and simple ask how you can stop her from removing your child. Then do it.

How is she going to get money to rent the other house?

Hi Grahm,
I won't to apologise somewaht for my harshness last night, however I see you've sent the letters to the Y board and that makes my heart happy.
You have been saying since day one, that you want to save your marriage, and every wise person on this board(which does not include me) has been telling you to use the weapons in you're arsenal to END THE AFFAIR! I guess I got a little fustrated that you wern't listening to the wisest of the wise. You don't know how lucky you are to have stumbled across these people. Some day in the future, you will know.
I am glad ALL exposure has now been acomplished. You may have serious doubts about what you've done, but in the future, you will look back, regrdless of the final outcome, and wiil be able to say to your self," I have done everything humanly possible to save my marriage."
Kudos to you my friend, there are many who can't say the same!!!
Thoughts and Prayers,
Jerry

Thanks for the thoughts. It's easy to stand in front of a door or whatever, but I can't be there all the time.

I'll ask my lawyer about options tomorrow.

GRAMN!!!! YOU SENT THE LETTERS!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!

As far as her saying she found a house to rent, I have the same question, how is she going to pay for the house???

You did well telling her that she wasn't taking your daughter anywhere. PREPARE yourself for the fallout when Y-Guy finds out about the letters to the board, if he doesn't immediately drop her like a hot potato, he will be very upset, and your WW will come at you like a tornado....but this is all still GOOD.

Do what MM said, Fill those EN's...yeah, she's gonna buck you every step of the way, she won't want you to do anything for her....but do it anyway.

You're doing so good Gramn, you are keeping so cool, I'm proud of you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I lost it more than once when my FWH was in the middle of the *A*, I threatened her with physical violence (via him) repeatedly....and they weren't just empty threats, the only thing that stopped me was I didn't think once I started hitting her, that I could stop myself....so I thought it best to stay FAR away from her. (My FWH must have warned her that I was a little unstable because she also stayed FAR away from me).

I'm glad you have more control than I do.

-Caren

Well, Caren, I did think of pummeling YGuy right in his office at first, then I thought about gutting him w my sword, but I'm not the type of person to actually do things like that. (I'm just imaginative when it comes to violence)

I AM very concerned about this custody stuff though. Wife is becomng increasingly mad and threatening, and she does not even know about the letters yet.

At this point, I am more concerned about my daughter. Wife has gotten to the point that I don't even want to be around her. (Although she did bring me Taco Bell tonight after yelling at me and leaving with our daughter for a while)

OK, GRAMN!


With emphasis on "thought about" of course....
Now, you are understanding about how to "MAN UP"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />