Key word is she is going to go crazy. How does crazy look before a judge. Unless you have done something EXTREMELY unjust you wont get railroaded. The law is fair especially to those that have their affairs in order. No pun intended.

Here is something I thought of. They may try to get her to quit the Y as a solution. They probably dont want them carrying this sort of thing on there. It is bad for the image. She will go nuts but you have just stopped a big drug supplier. Just calmly tell her what that organization represents and you understand why they would do that. I am willing to forgive you and work at this but I cannot sit idly by while you carry this on. It is not fair to our FAMILY (not just you).

And by warning her what do you gain...You stop her from filing all these crazy things so she can torment you with this affair.

You have to make a stand. Dont punish her but dont be punished.

One last thing.... Look how far you have come. Reread your thread. At first you were lost saying what if she is having an affair. \

Exposing this seemed like the tough part. Once that was dont you could move on. EVERYONE said This is where the fight begins. Your whole post name Ready to get this done is wrong. It should read Ready to get this started. YOU ARE IN THE BATTLEGROUND NOW. FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY GRAMN. IT IS WORTH IT.

Interesting change of plan...

she left for a job interview, and I checked my spyware. Well, apparently she knows! She might have even asked to meet with this woman to find out how bad it is. She is really worried about Craig losing his job.

So, now, i plan on telling her before she meets with this woman. She won't be expecting me to tell her. And (since she already knows) it can only help. I'll seem like I care about her feeligns, in some strange way.

I'll say something like " I care about you, but am against your sleazy affair".

Discuss...

Gramm, while I agree it's interesting I still don't see a benifit to you telling her before her meeting. Meet her needs. Be the best dad you can. And let her find her way to the bottom. Do not engage in divorce talks, keep on script.

Nah dont tell her. You care about her by not telling her. She has to feel the pain in order to get over this.

You cant make this easy on her. I know you want to. I wanted to as well.

You are also in a new win situation.

Do you expect her to say how valiant of you. You got my boyfriend fired. She is going to be PISSED. You are not the hero as much as you really are. In her Eyes you just flushed a big chunck of crack down the toilet.

Let her come to you. How did she find out. Spying on you or YGUY.

She probably found out from someone at the Y. When I talked to her about it on the phone, she pretended that she didn't alreaddy know. Kinda strange...

I guess it really doesn't make much of a difference...

I talked to her a little more. She sounded sad and dissapointed, but not as mad as I'd expect. She said that she can't be around me now, but seemed to want to talk. So I'll see what the deal is later.

I bet she is worried about his job. Or maybe she is worried what you will do next.

So are you doing okay? Not going crazy?

I'm not too bad right now, but I'm worried about her fileing tomorrow.

I was reading the EN list again. What the heck needs am I supposed to be meeting at this point??

Conversation--almost impossible. I can try to have a conversation but it always ends in a fight.

Domestic support- I've been trying to do a good job at that one

Financial Support- I stil have a crappy job. It's hard to concentrate on getting a better one with all of this going on.

SF- Hah, like that would happen

Affection -ditto

Admiration-I give her compliments and encouragment when I can.

Parenting- I have been doing a good job with this one.

Still, that leaves some major things unmet...

As long as you are doing what you can, don't worry about it. I know that this seems like it is dragging on and on, but there may be things at work right now, that you know nothing about.

As a mom, I know that my biggest EN would be parenting. Right now, she is not quite right, but she will be noticing.

My guess is Gramn she is probably seeing how hard you are fighting. There is probably some pressure on her relationship with Y_guy. She is in severe conflict.

I really dont think you can fill EN right now. It is impossible when someone is in so much termoil. What you cant do is what they refer to as Love Busters. And no you are not doing the LB thing with exposure. You can attack the affair but not her directly. Dont put her down blame her for any of this. Just be there when she wants to talk and let her yell. Dont be dragged into it and dont accept blame yourself for the affair. She just needs something from you to let her go. IF she files deal with it. It does not mean the end. It is just another battle. Keep fighting for your family and never fight her directly. Fight the affair but not her.

I'm f'ing up my life.

THis thing with the letters was a BAD idea.

It looks like I'm getting this guy fired. So Is my revenge worth this guy's wife and family?!@

I'm done here.

No, you did not "get him fired." He is being fired because he was having an affair with one of the Y members. That was his choice, not yours. It did not bother him ONE BIT to take the risk of losing his job, so why should it bother you, Gramm?

He willingly took that risk and having affairs with married women does not come without risks.

You did the right thing. It is your job to save your marriage and family from this man who is trying to DESTROY it. If he gets hurt in his efforts to destroy your family, then so be it. It is the cost of trying to destroy another man's family.

Calm down, Gramm, you did the right thing.

OK Gramn...I'm gonna pull out the 2x4 here.

Knock off the pity party for OM and all. You didn't do a darn thing wrong here....HE did.

Did YOU force him into an illicit affair outside of his family? I don't think so.

All you've done were to take steps to end the affair that he and your wife started. There should be no revenge things going on here...you sent the letters to the board in the hopes that they would put leverage on him to end his affair with your wife...and nothing more.

What happens to his family and his wife is NOT your doing...it's HIS. Had HE not gotten involved with your wife, had HE made the right choices here, HE wouldn't be in a bad position, would he?

You're getting good solid advice. You're taking active steps to end the affair. It's up to you on what you want to do or how you want to proceed. But in my opinion, you've given him and your wife every chance to end this on their own...they've demonstrated that they're not capable of doing so, so you've simply taken the next steps in trying to make that happen.

Right now, all you can do is the best that you can. What would you have rather done than to expose this to the Y??? Just sit there and let it all continue?

The board already knew, but didn't choose to act on this until I said something.

I have NO PITY for him, but I do feel REALLY bad for his wife and 3 kids.

Its too bad that OM didn't have that same care and concern when he jeopardized their security by getting involved with a Y patron. I also feel bad for them, but I also feel bad for YOUR family, Gramm. You are all victims of OM and WW's actions. But, they made those choices, not you.

So stop with the self flaggellation and the inappropriate guilt. It is unwarranted. The one who has something to feel guilty about is the OM, the one who had the affair.

Gramm, don't feel guilty for protecting your family against this man's assaults. He is trying to destroy your family and you should not feel guilty for trying to stop him. Don't you DARE hang your head down in shame for protecting your family like a man should!

HE IS 100% responsible for bringing this on himself and his family.

How is this protecting my family if my wife vows to take my daughter away from me, or if other people are hurt?

I feel sick with myself and this whole process. Do you really think "Dr. Harley" would be proud of this?

WHACK....

WTH GRAMN!! You're talking about a person who could care less about you, your child or your wife for that matter. It is own actions that got him there. You have made a choice, your family. He made his choices...and now the price is to be paid...and it is expensive isn't it???