If the board takes a stand, then that's great. More companies and organization should take that stand.

As for his wife (who doens't want him) and his kids, I wouldn't worry about them. You see his Child Support and or Alimony will be based on his earning power. Likely he'll have to take a lower paying job but pay support based upon his income history, leaving less money to buy your wife gifts......

She'll probably spew a whole bunch of crap at you without being able to understand that you didn't get him fired, his actions did. Stay on script. Don't get drawn into the bullcrap....

Gramn, OMW was already hurt by her H's actions. HE chose to hurt his family, not YOU. Your WW will not be able to take your D away. Worst case you should get 50/50 custody if she chooses to D you. My guess is you have a very good chance of saving your M. You would have 0 chance if you let those two continue. You want OM to raise your baby?

I know you feel sick, sometimes feeling sick is the result of doing the heroic thing. Gramn you are a hero! Honestly you did stuff that most can't do. Be proud of the MAN you are. OM is a weasel, you are a man.

She was already "vowing" to take your daughter away, Gramm. She has been "vowing" that every other day whenever you dare to disrupt her little affair. [please note this is an idle threat] That has not changed. And it hasn't changed that she can't take your daughter away.

And it hasn't changed that if the affair is not stopped you will not likely have a family left to protect. The affair is the threat here, Gramm, not her temporary anger over being exposed.

Your exposure is causing huge problems in the affair and will likely hasten it's end. The greatest threat is not exposure or your W's anger [she is angry all the time anyway], it is the AFFAIR.

Gramm,

By documenting everything, the court is unlikely to let her take your child away from you, unless you agree to it. No one but you will stand for your family right now. At least the well being of yourself and your daughter. So stop pitying Y-Guy. Stop being afraid of your wife. She absolutely does not have your best interest at heart right now, she is still deep in the fog.

It is ok to feel fear, but please don't let it determine your actions here. If you act based on fear here, you will inevitably lose your family, self-respect, and experiencing much more pain than necessary. Rememember there are two goals here,
1. Maybe save your Marriage
2. If not (1), protect yourself and your daughter.
The main thing here is to be a hero to your daughter. You can not protect her by being a doormat.

You are doing great!!!

Dr. Harley once counseled one of our members on this forum to "do everything short of taking out a billboard." You should be very proud of what you did.

Remember, it is the OM who hurt his family, not you. Knock it off, Gramm.

Gramn - you are following the rules of engagement. YOu came here, and read hundreds of stories of people who have done exactly the same thing. You found THE place where success is expected. Success in saving your family.
Guess which line they told you she would say first.
"I am leaving and taking our child!!"

Gramn - these fine folks have told us what to expect. I am married to an alien - a person that looks like my wife and sounds like my wife - but does not have the reasoning my wife has, does not have the compassion my wife has. I am doing something she will consider an attack. I know the hard part has not even started. Because I was told what would happen, and I know what to expect. Might I loose my wife? In my case she is already gone. I am just doing what is right for my kids.

Your situation sounds more like the success stories I have read here. You need to batten down the hatches as Mel says. Lean forward in the Foxhole as MM says. Expect the onslaught of verbal abuse. THESE GUYS HAVE TOLD US TO EXPECT IT!! FOR TWO WEEKS OR MAYBE A MONTH!!

Hang in there, Gramm. I will be needing a pep talk from you in a few days.

Document like crazy.

Gramn - you are very close to the action. Our guides are far overhead, and can see the big picture. We have to trust them.

What have we got to loose? Wasn't she gonna leave anyway? Better to force it sooner than later, so she can realize that the REAL MAN in her life is standing BETWEEN her family and the adversary.

God's speed, Gramn. This is the part where you sit and watch the fantasy unravel. Just concentrate on Plan A and becoming a better man. Her pain will be hard to watch - but we have to let them hit the bottom to see where they are.

I am praying for a miracle in my life. You, my friend, are textbook, and your marriage WILL survive.

FAR

And we are not seeking revenge.
We have told the OMW about MarriageBuilders.com.

They have the same oppportunity to save their marriages. Except you have already done the ground work.

My prayers for you, Gramn.

While I KNOW that OM is 50% of the one who caused this, I am the one who forced the issue. The board would have ignored it.

AND, His wife was telling me today (a little late) that she has been talking to him 5 or 6 times a day about reconciling.
That is great! I want her to fix their marriage! Screwing her and her kids over is not my goal.

I know I get plenty of praise her, but I don't see it.
I've currently lost ALL of my wife's respect.

Gramn -

You are showing what a good man you are again. Bless you. It is refreshing to see someone concerned about someone else's family.

If the Y-guy loses his job, he can find another one. Now days people change jobs, and careers, all of the time. He and his family will be just fine. And maybe he will think twice before he takes a chance of destroying someone else's family again.

Gramn, one day your WW will respect what you did to protect your M and your precious daughter. Don't cower now after being so brave. Just keep telling your WW that you will do whatever is necessary to save your M.

She has no interest in that at all.

She says that if YGuy has to get a job far away somewhere (because of me), that she plans to follow him.

Gramm, you lost your wife's respect?? Do you not hear how bizarre that sounds? The disrespect belongs to the man who willingly jeopardized his job and his family's security by having an affair with a married woman. And she has "lost respect" for you?

C'mon Gramn. You have allowed her anger to warp your mind if you accept that. She has not "lost respect," she is ANGRY because you have interfered in her affair. You are NUKING THE AFFAIR and they are FURIOUS!

Please calm down and stop reacting to her anger.

I would also let her know that he talking about reconciliation with his W. You have them on the run, G, now is NOT THE TIME to run and hide. Don't let up while the ship is sinking.

THe OM and your WW are both 100% responsible. You are only trying to save you family.

Good job, Gramn.

Gramn, may I tell you from my personal experience that I have heard almost everything from my FWH's mouth? I heard him say "I know it is wrong but I am not going to stop!", I heard him say that I treated him like sh*t all of our M. I heard him say it was all my fault for exposing the A to OWH. I got screamed at my OW for exposing to btw. Yada yada yada.

Don't go by what she says right now. They all say those things. She is addicted to OM. My guess is he won't want to lose his W and children.

I will Wife her know about that, but she won't believe me.


And again, I am not sorry to interfere with OM's job, but the support of his kids and wife. (His wife has been going through the same crap that I have, I would not want a loss of income now too.)

This would be a good time to tell her that the OM may have other plans. He is talking about reconcilation with his W.

Plus, if she moved, let her know you would keep your daughter.

Again, Gramm, he was fired because of his affair. He took that risk, not you. You didn't jeopardize your job, you didn't jeopardize your family's security, he did.

And do tell her that the OM is talking to his W. She may claim to not believe you, but it will cause huge problems, you watch!

“””Screwing her and her kids over is not my goal.”””

GRAMM, YOU SCREWED NO ONE. HE SCREWED HIMSELF. HE CHOOSE TO DO WHAT HE DID. YOU DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR. HE DID. YOU DIDN’T. HE DID. HE OWNS THAT. THAT IS HIS, NOT YOURS.

“””She says that if YGuy has to get a job far away somewhere (because of me), that she plans to follow him.”””

GOOD. That will atleast solve the custody thing now won’t it. What court in their right mind would allow her to take her child and run across country with a fired adulteress? DO NOT ENGAGE HER. STICK TO THE SCRIPT. YOU DID THE RIGHT THANG……

(((( Gramn ))))

Your WW is trying to blame you for the mess because she certainly is not going to blame her OM or certainly not herself !! She is just lashing out at you. She can't think straight at all.

Someone posted recently - that soulmates do not come with the pricetag of adultry attached !! I love this line.

You're still in my prayers.

Car

Gramm, you are not the bad guy here and you must stop accepting blame for the choices of others. Carnation is exactly right, they are trying to shift blame. Don't fall for it!