Thanks everyone.

Today I and my daughter are at my parents house. I had to get her out of that negative environment for a while. Wife was crazy with the yelling, and cursing, and even hitting me a little.

So, I said, we'd spend the weekend away.

Well, something has happened!!

While at dinner, I got a call from Wife saying that I had "Ruined everyhting".

I didn't feel like talking to her while I was enjoying a nice meal with my parents and daughter, so I called her back later.

Apparenlty Y guy said that he didnt want to talk to her and that he was now not sure about his feeling for her!

So, she is taking this as the end of the world. Saying that her life is over and all that.

Maybe this is the beginnign of a new phase.

My dad speculates that maybe YGuy is trying to fix things with his own family so that he can try to get his job back.
(I hope he's right!!)

Oh Gramn, this is great news !!!! Yippeeee. It is working. See ????? You still have a M to repair but it looks like the main problem may be out of the picture.
I am sooo happy for you.

Carnation - smiling

Oh dear, seems there is trouble in paradise. Wonder what caused all that trouble?? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"] ***exposure*** [/color] [color:"blue"] <<<makes>>> [/color] [color:"red"]XXX infidelityXXX [/color] [color:"blue"]no * fun [/color]
[color:"red"]* too bad * [/color] [color:"blue"]~ so sad~ [/color] [color:"red"]boo~hoo [/color]
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Shame on you for "ruining" your wife's affair! Bad, bad, Gramm! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Gramn -

Hang in there, especially now. I thought that Y-guy would split. Who cares why?

Right now you have a huge opportunity to be there for your wife. She is going to feel like cr*p for awhile. She may not come to you right away. She probably is devastated. But I bet she will be coming around soon.

You have stood up for your family, been a good man. I think it is time to have a little bit of hope.

Gramn - thanks for hanging in there.
You have done well - bringing your concerns here and giving them to the masters. They will not steer you wrong.

You and I have just walked in the door of a very large room of unpleasantness. We have to walk through it. I, for one, am not looking forward to it. I have been doing this for a year already, and God just told me to expect at least another year.

But you inspired me to expose. And now I have. And I have already seen one little ray of hope. And heard it in her voice. I HEARD IT IN HER VOICE. I told her "I love you". She said "no you dont". But - do you know when you are talking to your wife -and she may say something - but you can sense something else? That is what I felt. She said "no you dont" but that one time it was not full of acid. She KNOWS that I DO! And there is nothing she can do to stop me!

Thanks for doing what you had to do, and inspiring me to do the same.

Yes, Gimble, we've got us some 6 foot long cobras by the tails, and they ain't real happy about it raght nawul.

Let us trust our guides. It is truly providence from God.

now pass the peyote...

One Word GRAMN. AWESOME!

A big chink in the Y guys armor! :O)

Here is what I suspect next. You wife will still battle and blame you but she will not be fixated on trying to steal time with Y Guy. She will be able to see the good work you have dont and how hard you have fought.

Now you REALLY have to focus on forgiveness and meeting her needs.

These ups and downs are really amazing.

It is kind of scary how people on here KNOW what all the moves are. Every story is different but most of the actions and reactions are the same.

Be proud that you have come this far.

By the way you didnt save me tonight. I made it to the casino. Came home with what I went with but lets not discuss how much I was up at one point.

Gramn,

Sorry I have been gone the last few days. Had a lot going on here.

I was reading thru, watching you beat yourself up, and listening to these fine folks tell you the truth. You have done the right thing for your daughter and your wife...and believe it or not, for the OM's wife and kids.

How? Well, guess what? He affair was fantasy. Neither your wife nor the OM could see the consequences of their actions. But oh boy...they are seeing them now. And even though you have nothing planned, they dont know that. So they are living in a world which is crumbling...and not knowing if another bomb is gonna drop (by the way, you keep quiet about that...no talk about any plans you have further with your wife...make her and OM think whatever they want to think). Now, the OM is having to weigh those consequences. And guess what? If his wife will have him, your actions may have just saved his marriage!! Maybe not. And of course, it isnt your responsibility, as others said above. But I think his not wanting to be with your wife is because he realizes just a little what is in store for him if he doesnt pull back now!!

Your WW is now going to go into full out depression. She will be hurt and angry and blame YOU!! I will be on later tonight with the new plan for this new phase (yes, Gramn...you have entered the next phase).

Right now you are to just listen and be there for her. dont accuse, just listen. I will go more in depth tonight. Just listen and meet ENs as you can.

My man...you have done it...in record time. But do not believe that this war is over yet. They could change their minds. Or your wife could still leave. But the possibility of that is rather small.

Excellent job!! Of course, yo ucan call me if you have any urgent issues you need clarified.

re-read your posts here. Take a look at how far you have come. Do not give up now. You are close. Everything you do from here on out will make a difference. Be very careful.

God bless, Gramn. You are quite the soldier.

In His arms.

Oh, by the way...since YGuy abandoned her at the drop of a hat, how much of the "soulmate" do you think he is to your WW right now? He LBed big time!!!

Awesome.

In His arms.

Well, thanks again everyone. I am still shocked and amazed at all of this.

BUT, it's seldom as simple as it seems. As I said, daughter and I spent the night at my parents. Wife repeatedly called asking us to come home, so this morning I did. I was ready for lots of accusatiosn and talking and all that. Well, as soon as I arrived, she took daughter and went apartment hunting with a friend.

She wants me to make some calls and try to help OM get his job back. (I foolishly actually did that friday when I was feeling guilty about the family, but get the feeling that their decision has little to do with me)

Although he doesn't want to see her, apparently they have still talked by phone. So, this is still far from over. (She says "He's a wreck!". Like I care!!)

She is blaming me for breaking them up. I said, "You MIGHT be able to blame me indirectly for making him loose his job, but even if I was able to get it back for him somehow, that does not mean that your "relationship" with him would be fixed." She does not want to hear that of course.

So, she still hates me and thinks I'm evil and all that. I am now sorry that I came back here and exposed our daughter to this. Hopefully she is at least trying to entertain the girl rather than crying and carrying on.

Gramm, hopefully you really do realize how very foolish that is and won't agree to do any such thing. The OM was fired for one reason and one reason only: he was having an affair with a patron. All you did was expose him. Don't try to help him in any way. He is trying to destroy your family so don't help him do that. Your job is to STOP him, not help him. Exposure is having the desired effect. It is working. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

How would she get the money to get an apartment if she has no job? Hopefully you don't plan on funding her little affair.

I have no doubt that the point of the apartment is her last gasp effort to get you out of the picture so she can make OM the new daddy. She figures that he doesn't want to continue the affair because of her troublesome H, which is probably true. See, the OM just wanted a trouble-free piece of *** on the side and you made it troublesome. It's not worth all the trouble you are causing. This is one of the many benefits of exposure, it causes great trouble in affair land.

Gramm, I am concerned about some of your reactions, though. You seem to react strongly to her anger and you just cannot afford to do that. Your goal right now is NOT to appease her but to BREAK UP THE AFFAIR and save your family. If she angry because you are causing her trouble then that is a good sign. So, don't let her anger scare you off. She is SUPPOSED to be very angry that you are ruining her affair.

That is an expectation, not a sign of failure. She is in an addictive affair and you are threatening her fix. If you threaten to take away the crack from a crack addict, do you expect them to be happy? Of course not! Is it a sign of failure if they get mad? No!

I would also suggest that you continue to contact the OMW. You need to keep the infidels on the run. Don't give them a chance to regroup. Communication is CRUCIAL right now. I suspect OM is lying to her and telling her he has ended contact. She needs to know they are still talking so she can deal with it on her end. Y'all need to be helping each other.

I don't know if OMW would even want to talk to me now, as I've cost her her livlihood. I would like to stay in contact though. Maybe I will try in a few days.

Wife came home for a few minutes to pack an overnight bag and left again with Daughter. She says that she is having suicidal thoughts and actually has an (over the counter) package of sleeping pills. I don't think she'd actually do anything, but I still worry. (I called the woman she is staying with to let her know of my concern)

She still says that there is no way that she would ever reconcile with me, and that I am evil and "went too far!"
I don't regret stopping this affair at all, but I hope she can come through this in one piece!

She says she is having suicidal thoughts, and left with your daughter and some sleeping pills? I would call the police, and have her put under observation.

Gramn - I know you don't think she would actually do anything, but she is not acting normal for the mother of a 2 year old.

Gramn, Hon, go get your daughter!

I'd call someone for back up if you think you'll need it! Do you live in a small town? The police department would take the threat seriously if you were to explain that your wife informed you that she is having suicidal thoughts, bought OTC sleeping medication and took your daughter out of your home. They don't want a grisly murder/suicide on their hands, even if it is far-fatched.

WW knows taking your daughter anywhere is inflicting pain on you. That is why she kept calling and calling for you to come home yesterday before she took your daughter and then went apartment shopping. What did she need your daughter for, to go apartment hunting??? Couldn't she have better done that without a Toddler? She is trying to hurt you and make a point. Don't let her!

It's the cornered animals that fight the fiercest, Gramn. Hold on, buddy!

slh

I called the woman that she is going to visit and warned her about the sleeping pills and asked that she keep a very close eye on both of them.

Gramn -

Your wife is either much sicker than you know or manipulating you. Don't put the safety of your family off on a friend. Call the police and let them get her evaluated by a medical professional.

I had a dear friend at work who was having family problems. He told one of the other workers that he was thinking of suicide. I told everyone we should take some action, but we didn't. He took an OD of flexerill, 100 feet from the emergency room.

We all went to his funeral, and listened to his young kids talking and crying about their daddy. Too bad no one thought he would "do anything".

Any one else think Gramn should take some action?

Suicide is not a threat to be taken lightly. As she views it, he world is absolute chaos. She should not be with your daughter if she's having any such thoughts. My mom had a conversation once with my dad while they were going through their divorce when she threatened suicide. Later that night, as I held her lifeless hand in the hospital I was angry with my dad for his actions in the marriage but relieved that he didn't take the threat lightly. Another 30 minutes and she probably would have been dead. When she was released from the hospital I had to checked into a mental institution of sorts, she hated me for that. Now with all that in our past, my mom, my dad, and I all get along great.

I, personally would call a profession whether it be the suicide hotline or the police. If she's on the edge, one bad conversation with you or the Y-Guy could push her over..... A threat of suicide is a cry for help. Now matter what, somehow get your daughter out of that situation like 10 minutes ago, she shouldn't of left in the 1st place.