Brit/Brat:
She had alrady met with her attorney several times before yesterday to get this all drawn up. From your info, it looks like it may take more than 2-3 days to get to me though.

I already have an appointment with my lawyer lined up for Tuesday, in anticipation of being served in the next few days. (I can change it if I don't get served in that time frame)

She paying for her retainer with $2500 borrowed from her grandmother.

My lawyer alrady advised me on this. He said to keep paying for normal expenses. (Cell phones, mortgage, credit cards, etc., but NOT to pay for any expenses incurred if she tries to set up a new household. And NOT to pay any money for alimony, child support etc, court unless ordered to.

I will set up a new bank account and change my direct deposit, today.

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Any credit cards that we own while married, even if they are not joint accounts, are considered marital assets. So I don't think opening a new account would help anything.

Well, a recomended local daycare would run me about $380 per mo. What a mess. I can't afford that. Well, maybe I could if she was paying me some child support... Hmm...

Not sure about your state, but here once the day of separation is established your debts at that point are your own. Hence the recommendation to get sep cc's.

Gramm -

Contact both the United Way and the Department of Human Services. If United Way runs a daycare service - you will be eligible for payment on a sliding scale depending on your income. In Ohio, the Department of Human Services has a day care program - they have trained daycare providers that they pay part of the wage and you are responsible for the other part, again depending on your income.

Hi Gramn:

A big, institutionalized, high-priced daycare is not necessarily the best choice for your daughter. She might do better in a smaller, more homey setting, given the stress that this change may cause for her.

How about looking into references for home daycares? Churches also have daycares.

Gramn,

$350 per month is fantastic - wish I could find that. I pay $350 every two weeks and that's a bargain.

BB

I didn't think the price was bad, just too much in my current situation. This is a local place that was reccomended to me.
I could look for cheaper ones, but you "get what you pay for" and I don't want to leave my daughter in the hands of just anyone.

I also got a new checking account set up and switched over my direct deposit.

I talked to wife just now about her efforts to get YGuy his job back. (I was surprised that she had not mentioned it today, or yesterday evening, after ranting about that non-stop over the previous few days.) She says that he is not speaking to her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

GRAMN!!!! I am shouting at you!!! CLOSE ALL OF YOUR CREDIT ACCOUNTS THAT SHE CAN CHARGE ANYTHING ON!!!

I need to be very clear about this. If you close the account she can not charge her RETAINER on the account because it is closed. Do you want to pay 50% of that? Or better yet, she doesn't pay her 50% , do you know who the bank comes after??? YOU! The bank does not care about your 50% law, you are liable JOINTLY and SEVERALLY (meaning who ever has the ability to pay the judgement) I can not yell loud enough about being complacent. I never, for a million years thought that my XW would clean out our money, lie in an open court, lie in divorce papers, basically throw me out in the trash...and she did...it is my opinion that you must not wait. Mortor is sooooo right...I wish I knew him a few years ago...

As far as service goes...my XW had an ex parte hearing (meaning by herself, I was not present to defend myself)...at 2:00PM, Papers were stamped 3:05 PM. I was served upon arrival at my home at 6:35PM.....and my first thought at all the sheriff cars in my driveway "Oh my god, what happened to my family?"...I was an idiot....don't follow my lead...whether or not it is actually coming...doesn't matter...she has shot one accross your bow....the next one could sink you....and you'll be standing there going I knew this was coming yet I never expected it...it's like a cancer death...

You can not worry about pissing her off...she will eat you alive....liek the alien that she is..

Now do you regret sending those letters. This is all tough. Tough on everyone involved. No good can come of it. A dream has become a nightmare for all involved.

You did the right thing no matter the outcome...you put everything on the line for your family. You should be proud of yourself. You have one final obstacle until recovery can begin. You cant control what she does next but you can prepare. You have come a long way in a short time.

Thanks. I'll have to cancel those cards, right.
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Interesting night. Wife brought baby home so I could see her for a few hours. While here, wife got new CDs for her car so she could get rid of the ones that remind her of OM.

Later, she said that she was thinkig of moving home with the baby. "I won't be your wife, but we can be friends".
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Whether any of this "means" anything or not, I think it's good news. She is not screaming that I am EVIL and that I "DESTROYED HER ONE CHANCE AT HAPPINESS".

(My dad said that this personality change might have been due to her antidepressents)

Gramn:





This is standard WS script. My FWH said the same thing. She will slowly begin to come out of the fog as long as there is no contact with him.

What did you say to this? Hopefully, something to the effect" "I will be happy for you to come home so that we can begin to work on our marriage". Ignore the "friends" part which is alien language...

Hang in there! Looks like you on the verge of becoming a SUCCESS STORY

My goodness Gramn - your days are certainly not boring. I still think she is noticing your efforts - although she probably won't admit it for awhile yet.

Expect her to be in withdrawal now. Hopefully it won't last long.

It would be nice if you could spend some time together doing something pleasant, and take a break from the stress. I think I would go for being her friend right now.

I am with believer...

If she comes home, have a big meal ready...maybe order Chinese. Dont ask...just do it.

Plan A, Plan A, Plan A!!

At the same time, get your legal and financial ducks in a row. Get it all together. Shut down all avenues that you can to stop her from waging war.

As Brit and I said, the smell test doesnt quite ring true. She is saying she filed and is seeking the house...then she is still looking for an apartment (and reality is hitting her that she cant!!)...and now she will come home and be friends. I am wondering if she even filed.

Prepare for the worst. But she is showing signs of not knowing what the hell she is doing. Good for you. Which is why being fully prepared...while continuing to Plan A and to read from the script, will continue to box her in...

As Just Learning always has said on here...in the end, life almost always only gives you one good, clear option. The longer she has to think about this, and the more ou box her in...the better chance she will see what her best choice is...YOU!

In His arms.

Actually, it is due to the A.F.F.A.I.R. She is saying and doing all the classic things that a WS in an addictive affair says. We see it on here every day.


Gramm, this is all going as planned and is going very well even though you can't see it now. The affair is in its death throes and you are well on your way to getting your wife back. She will hate you for a few more weeks but she will start getting nicer and nicer as every day goes by. She is deep in withdrawal now, but as she withdraws frm the OM, she will start drawing towards you.

Just hang tight. It has been a rough ride, but you have pretty much vanquished the affair and are on your way back.

And I agree with everything that smart man from Texas said! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

[dad blast it, how did that sign on get back on my computer!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />]

I see the signs too. So I guesss I'm hopeful, but according to her(a few days ago), this thing where we move back together would just be temporary while the divorce is going on...

Hmm....

Gramn, I think this is great news !!! Hold your head high - you should be very proud of what you have done so far. Looks like you really broke up the affair.

I also am impressed with how everyone has come to your aid- you must feel it too. You have gotten wonderful advice and have followed it to a tee. It all makes me feel good to be a member here with y'all.

Take care, Gramn

Car

Gramn,

Give her a little room. She sees the right choice but her pride will not let her jump on it just yet. We all have pride and we all have trouble admitting we were wrong, expecially when it is something this huge.

You have come a long way and things are looking up for you.
I believe you have turned a corner. Still a lot of work to do but positive trend.