Gramn -

I agree with ACT. I would let your dear wife know that with the family expenses so sky high right now, it is not a good time to visit her relatives.

I would tie it directly to her affair, and renting an apartment without coming right out and throwing it in her face.

Good theory, but her dad will pay for the trip, so it's free... I've already broken down her expenses and showed her that she can't afford it, but she doesn't want to listen... Ugh...

Gramm, also do not let her take any furniture out of your house. Since she is the one who wants to leave she shouldn't be allowed to tear up your home to accommodate her little apartment. Make her face the consequences of her bad choices by forcing her to sleep on an air mattress and eat at a card table.

Funny you should mention that... Today I talked to her about this apartment and told her that she should get out of it.

She responded that she wants my help moving and if I don't she'll find someone else...

What does she think she is taking with her?

We haven't discussed that in detail.

She is still whining about her trip home with our daughter.

Don't let her tear up your home, Gramm, by taking all the furniture. Decide what you will let her have and get a list together.

Right now she is being all crazy about this trip to visit her family. Maybe I could make some deal with her about this, but we'll see...

Deal? What deal? Your daughter should not leave the U.S....period!! There are plenty of stories of spouses who take the kids back to the homeland...and never come back. This should not even be on the table for discussion.

Boundaries Gramn. She needs to know where they are. Dont fudge on them. It is not an LB to state that you are not going to allow your daughter to leave the country under the current circumstances.

And if you think about it...why is she going crazy about this trip? My guess someone (attorney??) has put in her mind that if she can get out of the country, she will have better odds. If she just wanted to go for a trip, I doubt she would be acting the way she is.

In His arms.

GRAMN...listen to MM...again, I implore you.

You understand that once your daughter leaves this country she will never be back. Oh, you can have your wife declared a fugitive, kidnapper, etc in the US and she won't be able to come back. If you allow her to leave this country I am almost certain she won't be back.

In fact you need to consult your attorney on how to prevent her from just up and leaving with your daughter. I'm not sure about passports for infants...she may be able to get on the plane without one...

Plus, remember that you can't "DEAL" with someone who has an "ALIEN MENTALITY". We are not talking about a logical, reasonable human being. We are talking about someone who is drug-crazed and temporarily insane...

This is all about being with the OM or dealing withdrawal from the OM. She is not trustworthy, PERIOD, END OF STORY...

I still can't believe the DEPTHS of DECEPTION that my FWH went to.

Hard to believe but true...

As I have said before, she may look and act like your W but SHE IS NOT HER...

Right now, she is out to hurt you and to deceive you. Your job now is to protect not only yourself but also your daughter from her....

I know you don't want to believe this. I certainly did not.

Listen to us, GRAMN....

Ah, so much crap to wade through...

You're so right, GRAMN.

It is CRAP...

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this but you must tell yourself that you will be TRIUMPHANT... and you will be...

DON'T LET HER FOOL YOU, THOUGH, NOT FOR ONE MINUTE.....

Gramn-

There are some things that you just need to say "NO" to.

Travel back to her home country with your daughter while you're pending divorce is one of them. It shouldn't be the least bit negotiable...and you should put it to her that simply.

She's whining. SO WHAT? Children whine to get their way all the time and it's up to the responsible adult to establish and maintain boundaries in a calm, firm fashion.

Obviously, your wife has learned along the way that whining works, otherwise she wouldn't do it.

Just tell her any discussion about her taking your daughter out of the country is a non-starter and you don't want to discuss it further.

Keep your backbone! Ignore her whining. IGNORE IT, IGNORE IT, IGNORE IT!

Shellybird

I have a question, have you told her that she is NOT taking your daughter with you when she moves?????

-Caren

I'd like to. But remember, my lawyer said that she will get temporary custody because she is a SAHM, and there is nothing I can do about it because I work.

But, remember... TEMPORARY is not PERMENANT

This is getting to be so much crap...

Even with OM out of the picture Wife is just using me in any way she can.

We went out to lunch and she took a phone call. She said to her friend "I am out to lunch with Gramn to convince him to let us go on our trip". She didn't even hide her motivation.

or another example...

After she told the truth about her affair and recent breakup, she wanted me to call OM's wife and tell her these new facts. I thought that was an odd request, and almost did it. The next day, she talks to another friend in front of me. I get the gist of her conversation. She thinks OM is getting back with his wife "taking the easy choice". Basically, she wanted me to talk to OMW to seperate the two of them and help her get back with OM.
----------------------------------
She is still pressuring me about that trip to her country.
(I know what everyone here has said!)

Positives:
She has always been fair about time with our daughter before.
Getting away from OM for a week or two would help end the A.
Her family don't support the A and will possibly talk some sense into her.
Our daughter would enjoy being around family rather than a whiney mom all of the time.
Her father (who I trust) has given me assurances that the trip will go as planned.

Negatives:
She has continually lied about this affair.
She has continually asked for things from me, and given nothing in return.
She has often changed her mind about various decisions.

Other Factors:
She has a new apartment that she is in the process of moving into.
She has that new job which she starts soon. She seems to be looking forward to it.

Gramn:

You said:



You can't buy that the OM is out of the picture! They can be on and off again. There's lots of passion and ecstasy involved in them breaking up and making up! There's a chance that they are cooking up some sort of scheme...Leaving the country? Why would she want you to call the OM's wife? Crazy I know but remember you are dealing with ALIENS and ALIEN FORCES.... My H used to pretend he was talking to friends and was talking to the OW...Don't put anything past her, GRAMN....

She seems to feel like she can manipulate you. Time to MAN UP again....WARRIOR MENTALITY is necessary here... UTMOST SUSPICIOUSNESS...Forget all of the POSITIVES that you have listed-not possible to consider these given that we are speaking of a WW....

Remember this is a war. You are dealing with an enemy.

Didn't her dad give her the money to file for D? Didn't her dad castigate you for busting her "paramour" at work? You gotta be out of your mind for even considering it for ONE SECOND.

And why is your W under the impression that she can persuade you in this? Does she think you are a WIMP? Lay it out to her, Gramm, tell her NO CAN DO. PERIOD. Be FIRM and stop wavering around.