How have any of you dealt with the HUGE level of anger that seems to (at least in my case) accompany the decision to finally let recovery go and move to the path of divorce?

I am experiencing pretty extreme levels of anger and resentment toward my STBXH right now.

So disappointed that after 3-years of recovery, we are no
better off than at d-day. I take my share of the blame, but I am so filled with anger towards him that I don't know how I can survive the 90-day waiting period after filing the paperwork,with both of us in the family home.

He refuses to leave.
He says he doesn't "want" the divorce.
He's mocking me and being very patronizing of my feelings.

I feel like an animal in a trap, ready & willing to gnaw
off a limb to get free.

But yet I also feel that it is in my best interests in the DV proceedings to NOT leave.

This is so painful.
Almost reaching d-day pain levels for me.

Anyone have suggestions on how to survive this?
Would love to hear from you.



Take Care,
Shelle

Shelle,

Do NOT leave the house. If you leave the house with your child, he can file for custody and force the child (not you) back to the home and have a slam dunk for establishing a status quo for your daughter living with him. You say that he doesn't want custody, but don't believe everything he says anymore. Divorce is usually not very pretty and if he is making fun of you and tormenting you the chances are that he not all that into you right now.

I thought you were getting a mutually agreed upon simple divorce? What happened to change that?

Call your family doctor and get a mild tranquilizer like a low dose of Xanex. (Alprazolam) Then just pop a pill and smile at him calmly. Give him your "whatever" smile and walk away. Count on him upping the ante and making things worse but don't worry if you don't react eventually he will give up. Just walk away....

Sunny

Hi Sunnyva,

We are not headed for a mutually decided divorce.
I am the one headed there due to many factors.

I haven't posted alot lately, so I realize there are huge gaps to explain, but main reasons are that H is in major denial of A and FOO issues, as well as increased alcohol consumption - which in turn leads to verbal & emotional abuse.

So - staying in the house is incredibly painful for me.
If I am cutting him "loose", kicking him to the "curb", he is going to make this as unpleasant as possible. But - he is smart - and will not push far enough to get law enforcement involved.

The pain I have experienced is insulting, degrading, critism, etc... the stuff that just picks away at you.

He says he does not want the divorce.
But the way he treats me is now way to stay married.

Custody of our son is not an issue - I will get it.
There's too much history of his harmful behaviors, (not to mention the notes of three seperate counselors) for him to even think about challenging me for custody.
He just won't.

I was prescribed Zoloft shortly after d-day but only took it for a short time. Maybe it's time to get some more.


Thanks,
Shelle