Meet with a new MC today. He was able to read my WH like a book and brought up some emotional stuff for him. Some things I didn't know others I did. I think this guy will be good, but at this point my husband says he doesn't want me to read too much into him coming to MC....he doesn't want to lead me on. We clarified that he will come to sessions as a way to decide whether he wants to remain married or not, while I am coming because I have already committed to staying to the marriage. MC is focusing on WH's end first. WH was supposed to move back home this weekend but MC discouraged that because he thought it would be detrimental for the DD's if things didn't work out and WH leaves again. I believe the longer he stays away the bigger the gap is and that we can not possibly address the issues if he isn't with me. I brought up the OW as an elephant in the room, so MC is aware that this is there, but again he wants to get WH looking at where he is and whether that means recomitt or move on. MC believes that we should be able to look at the various issues and talk about them in a healthy manner. WH says he feels like he doesn't belong at home, that he feels guilty and not wanted.

Then just now he didn't want me to come with him for lunch and he locked the PC again. We are supposed to go camping this weekend but he is really dragging his feet and coming up with all sorts of lame excuses not to go. Is this still FOG or is the man really that unsure what he wants? I thought we were making progress and then I find out that he doesn't want me to "get the wrong idea" about him moving home. I am so frigging confused.

Homer, he said that at MC? Is that the first time you've heard that from him?
Guilty about what??? And "not wanted," huh? ...................


Some thoughts about the MC...

When STBXW and I met with our MC -- I didn't recognize it until later, but he was a doing a PERFECT job at making STBXW feel "safe" to leave the M, and a PATHETIC job of getting to the A issue and saving the M.

Our "situation" was pretty complicated, and over the MC's head, so he decided to concentrate on the one thing he could deal with: communication skills. That's not what we needed.

What else could you be.

Your H most likely -- and unfortunately -- really needs some time to "recover" (lick his wounds, in a way) from the MC. No surprise that he didn't want your company at lunch.

How are YOU holding up??

tqt...to be honest I am numb and feeling pretty scared and vunerable right now. I am sure WH will use the MC's call on the "Not moving home until youre sure" a way to back out now. Maybe not.

Yes the guilt and not feeling wanted was all very new to me. the counselor asked how I felt about that. I said I was glad he was opening up a little, but at the same time I feel as if he brought those feelings upon himself. I said that I have already told WH that I forgive him and that I can forgive him again. That I have been telling him nothing but "come home" for 8 months. I think WH is feeling like he let his DD's down, that he has become someone that he doesn't like.

MC immediately caught on to the hurt my WH is still experiencing over the lost of his mother. MC asked him if that pain made him want to pull away and not be close to others or me. WH said he had never been asked that and never thought about it that way. WH again stressed that he wasn't sure he even wanted a relationship with me or the OW.
I asked..."then why are you still contacting her"....GUESS WHAT?.......NO ANSWER......

I really think this MC is trying to get my WH to trust him and open up. If he can do that WOW....this guy is researching a new type of therapy that puts the focus back on ourselves and how we respond to others behaviors, not necessarily how to "change the behavior" I think overall he is good. I liked him, and even if things don't come around for WH and I, I think he will help me more than the other MC/IC we had.

Thanks for asking about me though. The hope is starting to dwindle and maybe that is what I need in order to move on.
I just keep asking....why the hell did he have to bring an OW into this. Why make me doubt who I am as a woman.

I think he became someone he didn't like before any of this happened.
He's been looking for a solution to that all along... but not doing it in a very good way....

Homer... repeat after me...

"It's not about me."
"It's not about me."
"It's not about me."
...