K,

my husband responded sorta the same way at the time when he still hadn't "gotten it"!

I felt deeply sad and I had alot of "unanswered" questions that were almost killing me...............my "fantasy" was worse than the truth.

It's so much different now...........I can ask my husband what I want to and I'll get an answer..........even if I have asked him the same thing 100 times. Hardly ever happens anymore though............thank God.
But he understands that it was a real urge to ask.......and I needed to have the answers .............it made a great difference of "how" he answered them for me.

When he started to show "love,patience and understanding" when answering...........I was able to "calm down" deep inside. It had a total "negetive" affect when he got mad with me.............(this threw me back many times and I couldn't regain "trust" and I never would have if he wouldn't of made this change)

K, I'm honestly feeling with you and I know how you are feeling..................I wish I could give your Wh a "Kick in the pants" to wake him up, so that he would "understand" what you are "feeling and going through". If only he would know that answering your questions honestly would "bring him to where he would love to be" in your marriage.
He would be "overwhelmed" of the affect this would have and how happy he would end up to be..................

hugs
bb

Pep.....yes, the introspection is very difficult, to say the least. Things have gotten to the big mess stage already.....and I don't want things to get any worse.

Thanks Trix, I do need this for my own healing to take place.....or if I'm ever going to get anywhere on a personal level.

bb....(where have you been - I've missed you!) You are totally correct when you said you couldn't gain trust when you weren't being told the truth. My WH thinks it is just better for us if we never speak about it. Well, it may be better for him, but it's sure not for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

And after his small "breakdown" on Thursday, I can see how really fragile he is. He is no where near as strong a person as I had once thought he was. In fact, I seem to be the strong one in this relationship! Imagine that!!!!

It's a learning situation all the way around.

K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi lovingB!!!! I think you are fabulous too!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

K,
I've been busy................LIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that all WS think, it's the best not to talk about the affair............well, it was never meant to be discovered.........so who wonders.
I can imagine how embarrassing it must be and how uncomfortable, and yet, it has to be dealt with.

I also realized that my husband was not even half as strong of a person I had thought he was. He was ............well, I don't think there's a good word for what I realized he was.

Would you say..............wimp???? tehe!!!!!!oppppsssssssss

No, honestly.........when we started to talk and walk the road of recovery........it also became a road of "discovery" for me. I realized that we had not talked about alot of things and I realized that I had just believed that he thought the same as I did.
Well, was I wrong. I then realized that I always had a very straight way of thinking and I believed in loyalty and honesty and that I lived for what I believed in.

My husband is just getting to this point now. He is now able to stand up for what he thinks and believes in, even if others are not "amused".
This never would of happened a few years ago, he was just too weak and he wanted to please others.

I love the saying:
"People who try to please "everyone" are dummies!!!!!" (it's just not possible.....duh)

well, take care.............I'm off again...........living my busy and very happy life!!!!!

hugs
bb

hi k <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I've been watching for an update, especially since it's been a difficult time for you.

You know k, you've done a LOT in yourself and for yourself since you've been posting at MB. You're still fabulous!!

If you don't feel as fabulous now, don't worry because it's common to take a few steps forward, then a couple steps back, then a few forward....

Let us know how you're doing ok?

Take care k <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />