He understands what he is doing is wrong. He understands that he should try to rebuild us. He just can't get over her. He has been having an affair with her for over a year now. He has broken it off several times but then he goes back. We have been married 15 years, we have two kids 7 and 10. We fell apart when he started to travel for his work several days each week out of town. He said being away made him realize how much we had lost each other and then he found her. We had grown apart mostly because of our kids needing us and us not realizing it was taking so much away from us. Now that we realize it and he understand what he should do, why is it so hard for him? Is there anything I can do to make it easier?

He's doing what a lot of WS [wayward spouses] do and is that he is waiting for the feeling to come to him and move him to do it. The problem is that he can wait forever and it will never come. Like the old Nike commercial use to say 'Just Do it'. Change requires committment otherwise it is nothing more than lip service. You may want to consider conveying this to him in a calm, respectful and quiet way.

TMCM

He's been in a dark damp cave and with OW he has been brought back into the warm sunlight he was yearning for but didn't even know he missed. And he doesn't want to go back to the cave.

You need to be that sunlight now, as you were in the earlier years of your marriage, before the kids came along and life became routine.

A book that really helped my FWH and I reconnect was "His Needs, Her Needs" by Harley. Reforming your relationship, woman to man, wife to husband, is not easy, but well worth the effort. He needs to see, over time, that you can again be all to him that OW was. It can and does happen. But you have to make it happen.

~ Snow

TMCM is right on the money. Your h is waiting for the feeling to move him to do what's right...and TMCM is right on--ain't gonna happen that way.

Sadly, that is what happened with my H. Knew he loved me, knew we had a great chance of making it work..knew we had great sex, fun, etc....

But we had lost a lot along the way of our marriage..and by the time I knew anything was wrong...he was done. And though I tried and tried...my H was waiting for that feeling to come back instead of trying to make it come back.

Now we've been separated for a year and he has started emailing me questions regarding information for filing the divorce paperwork..and I actually think he might be engaged ATM...shrug...

Ask your husband what kinds of things he's willing to do, that a loving husband would do, even if he doesn't feel like it. 'Course, your number one priority in this would be no contact with the OW, even if he FEELS like contacting her.