Well, I think he may have fallen off the wagon. WH left yesterday to go back on the road. He really did want me to go with him, but I sincerely needed a break from it. Plus, I just can't "babysit" him all the time.
As far as I can tell, he has not talked with OW in a few weeks. Understand I have been with him practically every second of every day for 2 months. But, where there is a will, there is a way. I figure he called her from pay phones while I was sleeping. Just me being paranoid, but a pretty good guess.
I have repeatedly told him about all the phone calls on his cell phone bill, and he denies it 100%. He says all kind of reasons why they are there. Just will not admit to anything. I am so sick of talking about it. Gets me nowhere, probably worse. He even told me to keep his cell phone with me and he would take mine. I told him that was silly because the "strange" phone calls had stopped. duh Plus, all he would have to do is tell her MY phone number.
Anyway, yesterday - his first day out, he called me quite a few times. Telling me how much he missed me and loved me. I really did a good PLan A while on the truck. I felt pretty good about everything. I am also sure he did not see her when we were home last week for 4 days. That made me feel much better.
Well - today he called me at 3 and said - did you just call me ? I said, no. He said - oh, hmmm.., never mind. Well, gee. I was just with him and he gets NO calls on his phone. None. Unless I am not with him and then she calls around the clock.
If this is still going on, I can't do it anymore. I must put down boundries. But, how can I do this when he will not even admit to her phone calls ? What can I say ? I have tried so very very hard and I can't do it anymore if I am not good enough for him.
Please tell me what you think I should do. I really hate him about now.
Cell phone records will not be up until tomorrow. but I am sure it was her.

Thanks so much - Car

Hi carnation,

No real great advice here. Noticed you were still up, so bounced over here. I am sorry that you are goin thru this, I KNOW that it sucks.

What about Plan B? Have u considered it?

I talked to S harley today, he was GREAT. I still am not 100% sure about what to do. But he did advice me to not let H come back home yet. And that helped alot, cause I have been feeling guilty, H is really pushing to come home...

S Harley was VERY easy to talk to. I was very nervous and H is not happy about the money spent, but I think that it was WELL worth it. H is supposed to call, we'll see. But even uf H won't get onboard, i will find a way to fund a few more sessions for myself!

Anyhow, felt bad u were here so late and still so upset.
ME TOO,

jls

Carnation,

It's not really important that he admits anything....it's important that you know the truth and act on it. He's gone right? Good time to change the locks and leave the Plan B letter on the porch.

hugs!!

Thanks for the replies.

JLS - I have thought about calling SH also. I just do not know exactly what to say, time wise. How long is the phone call for ? I am so confused at this point. I thought it was over. Should have known better.
He did call around 9. His mood had changed alot. Not nearly as lovey towards me as yesterday. A pattern.

Star - He just left yesterday. He will be gone for 4 weeks. He calls me everyday. I can not wait this out until/if he comes home. And, if I don't say anything about it, he will continue to talk with her. Even if I DO say something, that won't necessarily stop him. I just need to let him know I won't put up with it anymore. But so hard to do over the phone and with him denying it all.
The phone calls are just the tip of the iceburg. He has been seeig her for over a year. This I know, he knows I know, but will not even admit it. Just gets so defensive, the whole bit.

Thanks so much. Carnation

Dear Carnation,

Let him know while you appreciate his calls, there is something in his tone that is making you uneasy. Don't give details, just make the mention and see how he reacts.

L.

Carantion..

I see no real recovery plan on your part.....except for you to babysit him while he just gets to lie and deny that he was involved with this woman...

the issue is not and never has been this other woman calling him..the issue is that your husband allowed and did this...

where is his recovery plan
where is his confession of what happened between this OP and himself...

I have been fearful all along that your goal was to get rid of the OP and then sweep this whole thing under the rug..but the elephant that you fear is not and never has been the OP..there are thousands of OP out there...the issue is that you are married to someone who is willing to lie to you over and over again...and who is most likely thrilled that you spend/spent time and energy focused on HER and leaving him off the hook....

You need to decide that no matter his denial of his relationship with this OP was either tolerable or intolerable with you...and move from there...

where is your plan for counseling
where is your real plan for recovery...and remember there is NO recovery till there is even the semblance of honesty...

If you have done a good plan A then time for plan B...otherwise you just give permission to be treated this way..
when is enough enough

ARK

Thank you so much for the expert advice. Yes, I am so ready for a Plan B. but, given the circumstances, I do not know how to proceed.

Ark - Yes, I am sick of babysitting and the lies. While we were on the truck and recenty home, I do see a change in him. I truly think he has changed alot. I really thought it was over with her. While he does not admit a thing, he does say some things about affairs. Of course, I do too. We watch Dr. Phil alot !!

But since my only contact with him right now is through the phone, I just do not know how to do a proper Plan B.
My son lives in Penn. and when we got to that state, I told him with no uncertain words that I would not tolerate any girlfriend again. I told him to just let me off at a decent stop and my son would come and get me and that would be the end of us. I was very serious about this and told him to think about it. He said that that was not what he wanted and everything was "fine". I repeatedly said this, that I was done and I could/would get off the truck in Penn. (my son would be very glad to come and get me anywhere, anytime. )

Yes, I gave it my very best shot and can not tolerate any more lies and betrayal. Please help.

Carantion

carnation, I agree with the others, it is time for Plan B. You are wasting your time playing this cat and mouse game. He has no intention of busting himself and will continue his affair as long as he can get away with it.

I would start working on the Plan B letter now and prepare to deliver [read?] it to him real soon. If you have to, I would read it to him now and then give him a paper copy when he comes back. I think NOW would be the perfect time to go into Plan B because it will have the greatest impact NOW, instead of 4 weeks frm now when he is more detached from you. Right now he is still missing you. In 4 weeks he will have adjusted.

I agree.

Again, thanks so much for the replies. The number that called him yesterday was an 800 number. I have yet to check it out, still online from looking. Cingular did tell me that if he uses a calling card from his cell phone, an 800 would show up as the number called.
He has called me in the past from his cell and 000 - unavailable has showed up on my caller id. I assumed this was from him using a calling card. Getting the two of us mixed up in his calling. No, I am not making light of this. It makes me sick and heartbroken.
I very very rarely call him anymore either. In the past (since Jan) he has answered, who is this ??? Or my call has been put on hold or forwarded to vm when it seemed like he was using it. I will not be disrespected like that again. He has called me twice so far today and I have not answered. I just do not feel like talking with him. I can't help but keep going over and over the past year. I seem to be more angry than hurt. I guess it changes.
Please let me know of some good examples of Plan B letters. As suggested, I could just read it to him. I need to do something - if they are still in contact.
Actually, even if they are not, I am so disgusted with all that he has done over the last year. The list is endless.
As always, thanks for your kindness.

Carnation