OMG!!!! [censored]!!

I have been trying my hardest to Plan A - trying to eliminate LBs, doing a GREAT DEAL. I have changed so much - I have stopped travelling. I take short days at work so she can work , and be in a play.

I found evidence of the beginning of an EA tonite. Emails to a friend.

WHAT DO i DO!!!!!!!!

HELP!!!!

And maybe not an A yet, but the romantic talk is going on.
Sorry for the vulgarity. Kinda the same feeling as D-nite over a year ago - I wanted to go shoot myself. Were it not for proper implementation...

calm down first. Not to minimalize your pain, but be under control. for as far as you can be.

You say emails to a friend. What kinds of things do they say? Sexual discussions? I love you messages? or just conversation?

plan A for over a year is a bit much, honestly. Have you been trying to end an A for over a year? Or has an A been over for some time and now you have evidence of a new one?

I am sorry you are going through the pain of this.

First affair ended in the end of December, 2004. 5 months NC.
She has told me, however, that it was over before she got into the affair. She continues to tell me that, but I believe that one day I can accumulate enough credits to make my account positive again. She is not actively receptive.

She has just had conversations with a man at work, I deduce. She has communicated with a long lost friend (female) that lives in the next town. Apparently the friend knows the man in question, and has mentioned to W that he is interested. W responded "does he know that I am not actually unmarried yet?" So she is flirting and considering the affection - and spends a lot of time on the new private email account. The last communication she had with OM on the account I can check was two weeks ago.

The other affair lasted a year.

I found out around March or April, 2004.

She is completely adamant that romance will never again be had between her and I.

I think she likes the cake, though.

HOW do I get her to wake up and smell the coffee? There is love - she tells me she loves me daily - (just not THAT kind)

She loves how I am with the kids!

There is enough there to make it work - but she will not come back to it! Arggg!!

first question......

what does my negligence for at least 6 yrs mean...

what are the exact things you neglected?

my suggestions....

I say you step up your plan A for 1-2 months and then go to plan B with the arrangements being that SHE moves out...

I suggest you take total control of the emotional undertone of the atmosphere and environment in the house and create one that is warm inviting and interesting...

This means that you present your self with a happy postive attitude..

happy to see her
happy that she is home...

whistling and humming along...

create moments with focus on the children that are full of fun and laughter....let her stay on the fringe...but invite her in each time...

what are the ages of the children...?

I say for the next two months of your plan A you give with NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NONE

that you give and seek the joy in giving....
not in what her response is.....

you also need to step up your self esteem....esteem takes a huge blow from the affair itself and then to be treated with disdain for months after disclosure...you need to find your own self worth...because it is easy to get sucked in to acceptance of being treated that way....

so you need to gaurd yourself from that as well..perhaps some time for yourself....

cake eaters are very complacent knowing exactly where you are and how you are behaving...get their attention by mixing it up a little....

also confront her with the new email evidence
speak your pain with out blame....
that the contact is painful and it is hurtful to you....like a knife in your heart....

speak it clearly without lovebusting....

ARK

Agree with ark's strategy. The only thing I would add is to put spyware on your computer to see what she is doing on there. You need to know exactly what is going on so you will know what you are dealing with. Spyware [keylogger] will show you everything she types and 2-way chats. Gather your evidence and then move into Plan B.

I neglected her emotional needs. Was blind. Did not understand what she needed. Intimate conversation. To wake up when she awakened me wanting to talk. And not falling asleep while she was talking.

I hear your advice, and have begun emotional preparation for that.

Kids: 11, 6, 3

Trying to get her to fill out the LB questionairre.

Yes, a knife twisting in my heart....