Hi all,

Me and my wife have been married for 6 years and have 4 kids. I have always given in to her to watever she demand or requested.
However, she cheated me not once but twice. The worst things that happened, the 3rd and the 4th kids are not mine.
I have spend most of time at home with the family and very little or maybe no outing ever since I've got married.
She was an housing agent when the 3rd one came. She was spending most of the time with her so call colleague and always came back after midnight. I have suspected her and confronted her which she denied everything. Only when the other party (married with kids too)given up...apparently just out for fun, and everything exploded.
I swallowed my pride and everything else, accepting the 3rd as my daughter. And maintaining our relationship since then and I have treat the 3rd one as my own, even my parents-in-law knew about this.
The worst thing happened again....recently that I found out she is cheating again. This time with my boss (married with 3 kids). This has been happening since a year ago when I realised something is not right and confronted her once more. She kept on lying and telling tales that it's not happening and she knew wat she did last time and will never do it again.
Yesterday, finally she admitted and even told me that the 4th one is not mine (the face appearance of the baby is so obvious that it looks so much like that guy). She said that she is very much in love with him and for me we are just good friend. She asked me wat will I do and tell me not to confront him so as not to create havoc in the office. She said that she will still tack along with me.
I really dont know wat to do. Facing that guy everyday and her phone messaging him everyday and night. Expecting me to know wat had happened and still doing it but now openly(just me).

Hello frosty, welcome to MB. Wow, so sorry for all that is going on in your M. First if the A is still going on have you exposed to OM's wife? If not, do so right away. Go to the top of the page and click on WAT's quickstart guideline for newly betrayed spouses and start reading. Pick up a copy of Surviving An Affair or Torn Assunder and begin reading. You may also want to get some advice from the folks on the pregnancy/child board since OC are involved. I know you are hurting but please stop letting your W walk all over you. MB hugs to you {{frosty}}

Hello frostybleu,

Welcome to MB.

Sounds like you have quite the mess going on in your family.I am sorry about that.

First of all,you both definitely need counseling,or at least,just you.Your WW is a serial cheater and has had children from 3 different men according to what you said.Now speaking as a woman,I would say that your WW has some major issues that need to be addressed,not just infidelity.It's one thing to get involved with another man while married and have an A but then she gets pregnant by other men too and is now on her second child born from an adulterous relationship.

If you don't mind my saying so frosty,you do sound too accepting of her behavior(based on this post),even going so far as to welcome the children she has born from these other guys. Are these other "dads" in the picture at all? What about this latest? Your WW says she loves him and only thinks of you as a friend.What would be her plan? It's totally wacked.She is going to leave you to go be with a man who is already married and has kids of his own? Please.

Most definitely you should blow this A wide open.Tell the boss's wife and DON'T give anyone a heads up.DO NOT protect this slime who is committing adultery with YOUR wife and do not protect your WW from her actions either.You have to take a stand here and now that she cannot continue to keep on with her bad behavior and choices(that affect you and the kids) and not have any consequences to deal with.Don't swallow your pride anymore.Embrace it and don't allow this woman,wife or not,to keep doing this to you.You do not deserve it and she WILL keep doing it as long as you allow this to be in your life,as is.How many more kids are you willing to accept with her promiscuity?

I am sorry if this response sounds harsh.It is not meant to offend you but it's one in which I see a pattern of betrayal that will last as long as you avoid the issues.

Please read all the concepts here and go over to the GQII board( General Questions) and read up on WAT's Affair Exposure.You must not let the boss get away with what he is doing and his wife has a right to know that your WW is involved with him.There are many children here who will be affected and the adulterers are only thinking about themselves.It may very well stop the affair(A) if the OMW knows but you won't know until you tell her.She can be an ally.

I hope you will stay with us.We are here to help.

O

Hi,

Thanks for the support and advise given. Still pondering wat to do now 'cause having few issues to look upon before acting.
1. We are suppose to migrate soon, few months down the road. Therefore its gonna end either way.
2. My father-in-law know about the first case and also aware of the second but not to the extend that another innocent life has involves and an affair is going on. Just knowing that something is going on and he has also seen
3. My FL is very much supportive in my decision and also willing to forgo his relationship with my W. He even thought of coming to the office and trash out with the guy.
4. I do not want my kids to experience all these.
5. She has personality disorder, anything that happen beyond wat she can handle, she will snap...either end up in mental health hosp or killing herself...which she attempted before. Others like smacking my kids right into their faces that mades me really heartache.

Lastly, I really cannot take it when she is still doing it even I know wat has happened.
I also know that the guy's W is also having some problem like depression. So if things goes off, think the whole wide whole will know and I'll most probably lose my job....as a breadwinner.

Sigh....

Hi,

This is just a update on wat she has sent to me via e card.

"I know no matter how many sorries I say to you,it won't help in any way. But I really do want your forgiveness. I know I have hurt you deeply. I can't undo whatever I have done. I could have kept it from you but I can't hide it from you anymore. I can't go on lying to you. You still mean alot to me. Please forgive me."

Frostybleu,

welcome and its great that you found this site. Have you read all of the information on this site? Especially about plan A, exposure, emotional needs (ENs) and love busters (LBs).

Where are you emigrating to and from?
Theoretically that might put some distance between your W and OM, but on the other hand, many people on this site have experience with internet or long distance As. So its not a guarantee. Exposure is also important for other reasons, such as to get rid of the secrecy that allows your W and the OM to continue in their 'fantasy world', ie to romanticise the A in their minds, even if they don't see each other, to demonstrate to your W that you can and will act to protect your family, and for the peace of mind of the OM's W. Its your decision, and you need to think about it very carefully. Its important that you expose to the right people, for example, people who are important to your W, such as her family, your family, her friends, your friends, her boss... anyone who you think will help or whose good opinion is important to your W.

Thats great that you have the support of your family and FIL. Will you still have that after you emigrate?

Also, I can understand that you are concerned about your W's mental health and that she may try suicide if you press your concerns too hard. That is true, but on the other hand it is also very important that you can express your true feelings to her. It may be very difficult for her to face up to what she has done, but that is what she will have to do at some point, whatever happens.

Frosty,

My main concern is always the children when it comes to these matters.If you think your WW is abusive(sounds like she is) then you need to protect them.Marriage should not be the priority when it comes to the health and safety of children.

Is your WW on medication for this "disorder" you mentioned? Seeing a doctor?

I can understand your concern about your WW and her past: attempting suicide and other actions she may take but there really isn't anything you can do to prevent her from her actions sans putting her in a locked room.Even then.She is an adult and has to face up to her responsibilities.It would be great to deal with all this and a counselor but if she refuses then you cannot force her to go.

The e-card is a nice touch but in reality,her actions speak louder than words.if she is truly sorry,then she will stop her bad behavior and seek help.If she is "sorry" but wants to keep on living this dysfunctional life she is leading,then she needs to leave you out of it and move on.

Where are you planning to move to? Is your WW going too for certain? This will mean new jobs for you both right?

O

Yes, seen the doctor regarding her health. Just gave her some pills. So after popping them, she basically acts like a zombie or sleep for whole day, 'cause the medication is rather strong. Therefore not going to work for long term and also cant go to work.

We are moving to Australia and everything will be new to us over there.

Hello frosty,

first I want to say g'day! I'm an aussie. It will be new to you. It might be difficult at first but people are mostly friendly over here so hopefully it won't be too tough for you. Where are you coming from?

Also, have you read WAT's guidelines?

How are you going? Do you have a plan?