For those that don’t know me, I’m divorcing my WW after 19 months of this mess which includes 10 months of a plan B. I waited for 1 year after she moved out and bought her own place to file and things should be done in a month or so.

Let me take you back to 3 weeks ago.

I had been out with my friends on previous occasions and met this woman twice prior. She was fun, cute, tiny, fit and 28 years old, but I did not pursue anything as I am still married and am content to wait until my marriage is officially over.

On the date I’m speaking of 3 weeks ago I see her again in a pub setting. We both had a few drinks and she comes on very strong. We end up kissing (does that make me a WS too?) and she makes it fairly clear that she interested in taking things further. As I’m a little scared of God, Octobergirl and Melodylane (not necessarily in that order) I step back, tell her now is not the time as I am not yet divorced and we part ways.

Since then we’ve been text messaging and speaking on occasion. We both work out of the downtown area so we met for coffee once and lunch just last Thursday. Found out she has a 7 year old daughter, and occasionally I get some fairly racy text messages from her.

I was content to bide my time until I divorce and keep the relationship platonic. I really didn’t see us a great match and was not too interested in pursuing an exclusive relationship upon divorce, but was willing to wait until the final decree and see where things went. Something odd here though.

I took a step back and realized that I don’t know her home phone number, nor her exact address. When I called last night her cell went to message and she ended up texting me again. Red flags. So I called her on it.

Though not married, she lives with the father of her daughter. I got all the standard crap: “I’ve been trying to get out of this relationship for a long time” and “We’ve not had sex since the birth of our daughter”. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I’m sick, this cannot be happening! I’ve hardly slept last night and am going out to buy my membership in the “misogynists R us” club.

So I told her to tell her C/L and for him to call me to confirm or I will be contacting him. Finding who he is in my own city will be child’s play. I also told her she can try and paint me out to be a lunatic, but I’ve saved her TM’s. My head is a mess again…I’m going to become a monk.

So I told her to tell her C/L and for him to call me to confirm or I will be contacting him

Confirm what? That they haven't had sex in 7 years?

I would stop ALL contact with her...block her from texting you...don't take her calls. I wouldn't bother myself with the other stuff...it isn't worth the drama that could ensue.

JMHO
committed

What a bummer! I am sorry it turned out like that, but relieved you found out in the nick of time! It's amazing how easy you can spot FOGBABBLE after being around here for awhile,huh? I really like how you asserted yourself in insisting on telling her H. You go, Binder!

p.s. ya mean Octobergirl is more scary than me?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think its a great idea! It's likely all baloney and he can take this opportunity to alert her H before Binder dumps her.

Sorry, I should clarify. I've already told her I thinks she's awful and to not contact me again. I want her C/L to call me to confirm she's told him or I will contact him.

There ya go...sounds better. I thought you wanted confirmation on the sex thing...lol

committed

Binder don't you dare go whipping yourself over this.

You have done nothing wrong, not really. Your divorce is all but complete, its time to move on and you met someone who LIED to you by ommission and then perhaps directly.

I suggest if you dont get any confirmation let it go, just an experience, albeit a bad one, of the single available life according to my brother.
My brother is in the same boat and has been caught 3 times like this, once with a young wife who even took him home after a few dates and the house LOOKED like a single person living in it...he was so suspicious of anyone by then he did some quick checking around the house & thought all above board - unfortunately her H was working up North in the mines 20 days on 20 days off - she stored his stuff off site and brought it out a few days before he got back.
He no longer gets upset he just gets disgusted as this sort of behaviour cost him his M and living with his young daughters.
You can't police the world Binder, just yourself and YOU did good!!!
Sadly you'll probably be taken in a few times befoe you run into someone whos all above board, I mean thats happened to us all I think at different times in our lives.

best of luck in your new life Binder, just remember there are good people out there to.

Melody,

Your motto should be "Expose Expose Expose". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

committed

P.S. And I mean that in the GOOD sense. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Just call me the Exposure Parrot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No Binder...you are the man who REFUSED to be the OM!! I know this close call probably makes your skin crawl...but please accept my congrats for standing strong agains infidelity in the face of great temptation. If every potential OP had the integrity that you do, it would be one more barrier against some of this tragedy.

(((((((((((((((binder)))))))))))))

And Melody....I'm going to send the folks who need to expose straight to you chere.

A HUGE ditto.

See? No matter what happens to our marriages, we come out better from MB. Child's play for Binder to spot the telltale signs.

Personally, although it may seem to violate strict MB logic, I would not attempt to contact her BF. Who knows what kind of person(s) you may be dealing with? Next thing you know, you'll be a "rapist." Doesn't matter that you have evidence of her coming on to you. When the opportunity presented itself, you just couldn't hear "no" - precisely BECAUSE she came on so strong.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

WAT

Aussieswife,

I reacted in astonishment and revulsion, but likely will follow through. I think this woman is a predator and I don’t think I can allow her to go unchecked. I feel foolish in even letting it go on so long without having asked some pointed questions earlier. Also, I appreciate your comments regarding my self reprimand, but I should not have been involved with her in the first place.

Starfish,

Thanks for the kind words, I have completely cut all contact off in a unequivocal manner, but it has messed me up somewhat. I certainly understand the allure a WS feels when an admiring fan pursues them; the allure , not the decision of course.

WAT,

Same goes for you. I do understand the risks of contacting the BS, both from a physical and legal perspective. I have a firm grasp on both areas and will not make any decision in a knee-jerk manner without certain safety protocols in place. Thinking………..

Binder....

You did just fine ---> exit stage left

try meeting women outside the bar scene ... just a suggestion ....

this particular woman ... you just saw the tip of the iceburg of her troubles .... consider yourself lightly singed instead of burned to a crisp ~LOL~ like the slightly golden marshmallow not the blackened to a crisp one at the cookout! ~LOL~

learn from this you will ~Yoda

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Binder,
Don't let it mess you up. Life will toss odd situations at you. It always does. Thats life. Your reaction to them is something you have a measure of control over. Good for you, thinking on your toes.

take care

Binder,

I guess ONE moral of the story is 'If a strange woman is acting sexually aggressive towards you, then get as far away from her as possible. Chances are good that you won't be the first or last man she's going to try to seduce'.

Remember Binder, it's never 'JUST sex'.

TMCM

Binder... yech. Make yourself a bird; fly far away.

GC

Hi Binder,

Well,no need to be scared of me THIS time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.You narrowly avoided major disaster and it just proves that you should wait until AFTER the D for ANY kind of relationship,"platonic" or otherwise.Don't contact the woman or BF ever again.She clinged to you while you were still going through the D process and that TOO is not an appropriate time to be with someone else.It should make you suspicious.She is untrustworthy.Stay clear.I can't say I am happy that you kissed this woman while still technically married but lesson learned I hope.

Mel,you know we both have strong convictions but I don't have those "sociopathic tendencies" that YOU have. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

O

Contacting him to confirm the details of her story?

I guess I don't understand what your "rights" are in this situation. A young woman came on to you (still a married man by MB terms), and you've been penpals since.

How is her relationship to him your business? Why should he talk about his relationship to you?

What is there to expose? That she had an affair with you? She didn't, from what you said. That she was "aggressive" to you? It's her word against yours. From what you are telling us, there's been nothing but talk and a few drunken kisses. Not normally the stuff of exposure.

She sounds like a nutto. And, as someone pointed out, her guy might be a nutto, too. I'd drop the whole thing. It's not like this is the wife of your best friend. These folks are strangers to you ... and getting stranger by the minute.

Same babble different WS? Ohhhh my dear Binder, RUN!!!!

Good thing you have your MB smarts and could tell the babble when it came your way. Please don't write off all of the female species. LOL!!! The one you met is an alien in disguise (pretty good one I gather - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ). But still an alien.

Think about this: What woman w/b living with the 'father of her child' and be bar hopping without him and still be a good catch? Hm...... can't think of one good reason why she w/b worth pursuing. Even if she were not with those circumstances. Maybe she is a WSU drop out because her babble is tooo easy to spot. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

There are much better prospects out there. Tom Cruise waited a looong time. It w/b worth the wait.

Aloha,
L.

~sigh~

I’m so tired of this. I screwed up on several fronts.

As one who said in another post that I want to “feel the pain of the divorce”, I have not “walked the talk” and have attempted to self medicate myself with the company of a promiscuous woman. I broke the “spirit” of my philosophies at the very least.

All your gentle admonishments are valid and likely should not be so gentle. I try to live my life as if my children can see me 24/7…..they would have been shocked, saddened and embarrassed at my actions. I have contributed to the ever growing pool of ugliness that this world contains. I feel “dirtier”….my own doing.

A.M.Martin,

You said it very well, and I’m not sure how many “standards” one has to choose from when deciding if one is married. I still am….period.

My intent in speaking to her “husband” would be to give him information that I would want if I was living with the mother of my child. I take your point, however, and it will weigh heavily in my decision.

Thank you all for your continued input and attention….I’m glad I have this safe place (cept from O and M!) to go

Drama, just what I needed to heap into my life….more drama.