shaddup, OG!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Mel aka Saddam <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Binder,

Me for 1 will not allow you to turn this into a 'pity party'. But we still love you like a bro' so here goes....... your feelings are just that your feelings. It is nice to feel wanted after being dumped in the mud.

Just to let you know, other BS' here (including myself) have gone through similar and lived to tell (or not). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> The safety of places like MB, frieds who are smart, God, a good MC, etc. are what helps us get back on the safe course.

Ok, you have a right to feel wanted and needed. But it s/b the right way. You are better than having to settle for some bar fly alien who coughs up phony stories. Bet the OW board will have a field day with this one (you do know GB and other OW board broads and borders frequent here for their daily BS fix - LOL!!). Welp we are here to help you so don't sink into the pity pot. It is stinky down there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Binder..gee..stop beating yourself up over this. I think this proves what a great person you are! Who wouldn't want a loyal, moral guy with feelings and sensitivity?! You're a gem that's taken a mighty blow. Knock the dust off and shine again. You're time is coming and a great gal is in your path.

You're never going to hear from this guy. Experience has taught me that birds of a feather really do flock together.

Orchid is right..bar hoping is very rarely the place to meet a person of character. Wait until after the D and then don't look for her. The best ones come along when you're not looking.

Binder,

Just checking on this because I may have misinterpreted your post: if you feel that I have been too harsh with you,now or in the past,and you do not feel safe here with the knowledge that I may respond to you then do say so and I will not post to you again.

O

Orchid,

I’ve had my pity party earlier today driving with my daughter to get some bedding plants. We actually have seasons here in Canada, right now it’s bad cross-country skiing season, winter follows.

I know I’ll be OK. That what doesn’t kill me had better hide after I get on my feet again. It’s all perspective. A 2 week vacation in….let’s say the Sudan would sharply focus my priorities. Thanks for caring.

jph,

Thanks for the kindness, but the fact remains, I made a bad decision. I appreciate your charity in commenting on my character, but it is flawed. This mistake will be wasted if I don’t learn from it.

I know that bars are not the best place to start a relationship. I’m actually in no shape or rush to enter into an exclusive relationship when the divorce is finalized. I hope to date a variety of women to gain some perspective and may never marry again. I gotta admit, though…looking is fun, I’m not as jaded as I sounded in the first post.

Octobergirl,

I would truly be hurt and disappointed if you stopped posting to me. I hoped you’d recognize my flippancy for the thinly veiled respect I have for you on this board. You are a constant. You espouse a strict set of values and will not permit the folks here to bend them to suit their situation. I appreciate, respect and solicit your opinion, even if it is uncomfortable sometimes. But if my gentle ribbing bothers you………….I’m going to do it all the time!!!!

Ok.Good.That's why I wanted to check in with you.Just to be sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep on keeping on,as they say~

Ditto for me too....Binder run the other way and NEVER look back! Good luck.

Binder,
What are you thinking about it?

Most people don't grill people they meet until they get to know them a little better. Or course, kisses usually come after that too.

So, what are you thinking, after putting some distance between you, and reading all these comments?

SS

Binder-

For what it's worth, I understand you wanting to tell this woman's Signifigant other about what happened....I know I'd want to know. It's up to him what he chooses to do with the information.

-Caren

Since you asked my opinion...

(OK, you didn't. But hey lucky you... You get it anyway!)

Leave the situation alone. If she calls/TMs you, ignore her. While the attention felt good, I'm sure...(OK, I know first hand...) There is way more hassle/drama than you need to stick your nose in.

So she has a child, but isn't married. Hmmm.... OK, that happens. She LIVES with the father, but isn't married to him (or so she claims.) Curious as to why? She wants out, but doesn't have the guts to leave? Bah. She's out pursuing Rs with other men (don't consider your M status, I'm not...) while she is some kind of R.

Binder, just look at it as a blessing that you have this much info this early on.

Pack the little you have invested in this "lady" and mosy along.

Other fish in the sea.

Ethan

SS,

It was weird. I was at my office computer reading over all the posts again and pondering the situation. When I went back to the index there was your question essentially asking me what I was asking myself. It was kind of spooky. Maybe its cuz we both lived in this city once upon a time.

I ended up just staring at it for about half an hour trying to organize my thoughts and figure out what I was going to say. I had to stop or my coworkers were either going to call the paramedics or have maintenance water me. I figured I’d write my response here at home.

What am I thinking about it? I think I’ve run a great long distance race…the start was slow, but I found my legs and ran a superior race overall….just to choke at the end.

I think you, as one of the patriarchs of MB and who has written that you think I’m doing things right are somewhat disappointed. I think that it’s interesting that the opinion of someone I’ve never even met, actually has value to me.

I think I shamelessly attempted to drown out the death rattle of a dying marriage by diverting my attention from the tragedy of a broken home to that of an attractive woman.

I think that the devil is chuckling to himself thinking “this is so easy”.

I think I’ve been wrestling with the fact I’ve failed to hold a marriage together and that maybe that sense of failure bothers me more than losing my wife.

I think, that I’ve calmed down. I think that when I balance out the risk vs. benefits of approaching the SO of this woman, I have nothing to stand on. I don’t know if there would be a benefit and I can’t gauge the risks. I’d be shooting a gun blindfolded. I may slay the beast, or kill an innocent bystander. Too unpredictable from both sides therefore not a tactically sound move. I cannot afford injecting myself into that dynamic without more information which is not my business to glean.

As far as grilling her, it was gently done. I am somewhat suspicious after my experience with infidelity and things didn’t add up. As much as I’d like to believe that people are generally good, my experiences dictate it’s safer to assume otherwise.

Caren, Thank-you for posting your thoughts. I guess the above sort of covers where I’m at right now.

Binder,
I haven't been around much lately, so busy with things...
Just wanted to say that you have amazing self-control
and some decent morals. Sadly, most people wouldn't have cared and just gone for the easy lay.
Keep your chin up, buddy.

Ethan,

Missed your post as I was typing my diatribe; thank you for stopping in. You have an open invitation to comment on any and all things I write. Precious little I could do anyways if I didn’t want you to. Yes I will never have contact with her again likely, though she seems to like to hover near the guys I work with so unintentional encounters may occur. My previous post is consistent with your advice, just walking away.

There was/is never a question that I would pursue her armed with the info I have. You’re right though, the attention was nice, I will enjoy dating again….has to wait though. It helps that I have the body of a 25 year old. Which reminds me; I had better get it out of the freezer before the police search there.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

TTSi,

Sorry, was typing when you were posting. Thanks for the kind words, but if God judges my thoughts as well as my actions I have some serious praying to be doing.

Just think baseball Binder.....baseball......women bad.....baseball good.

Binder,
I don't have time now to say much.

Disapointed ?

I'll think on it and get back to you. I don't know if that's the right word.

The devil is very good at what he does. It was in a little apartment in NW E. that I learned he is real. Sometime, if I ever run into you, I'll tell you about it.

See you tomorrow - If I can make it work.

For now, I am glad you are doing better. Really, Really, Really GLAD.

SS

Hi again.


I ended up just staring at it for about half an hour trying to organize my thoughts and figure out what I was going to say. I had to stop or my coworkers were either going to call the paramedics or have maintenance water me. I figured I’d write my response here at home.

You made me laugh - thanks.


What am I thinking about it? I think I’ve run a great long distance race…the start was slow, but I found my legs and ran a superior race overall….just to choke at the end.

I'm still thinking about that one.
Just to choke at the end.

My thought is will he still finish?........and I believe you will.
Remember, in God's race, everyone can win. If you cross the finish line, you win. Please keep running. Or walk if that works. Just don't quit.

I think you, as one of the patriarchs of MB and who has written that you think I’m doing things right are somewhat disappointed. I think that it’s interesting that the opinion of someone I’ve never even met, actually has value to me.

You know, your opinion has value to me too. You have value, in, and of yourself. One mistake doesn't erase that. All of us run the race, and we all choke somewhere on the course. Some early, some late, some often, some seldom.
Give yourself credit for the part run well, learn from your mistakes, and keep going. That's the way it works.

I think I shamelessly attempted to drown out the death rattle of a dying marriage by diverting my attention from the tragedy of a broken home to that of an attractive woman.

Sounds like that to me too. Having made mistakes myself, I feel for you. The important question is, what do you do now.

I think that the devil is chuckling to himself thinking “this is so easy”.

No, it took him more than a year to set you up, and he had to destroy your W to do it. He has been working on you a long time, and will continue to work on you. I admit, life is not easy. The tests continue, but YOU can get better at studying. The bad effects are cumulitive, but so are the good ones.

I think I’ve been wrestling with the fact I’ve failed to hold a marriage together and that maybe that sense of failure bothers me more than losing my wife.

I turn 50 this year. Once, I thought I could do anything.....everything.

I realize now, that much depends on others. I make choices, knowing that things could be different if I would sacrifice some things, or some people. Some things I can't control at all.
I do what I think is right, making corrections as I learn. We live in the world of time, and we can't go back - can't make changes to the past.
There is only today, and that has to be enough. You will have to run your best race daily, and live with it. Some days easy, some days hard.


I think, that I’ve calmed down. I think that when I balance out the risk vs. benefits of approaching the SO of this woman, I have nothing to stand on. I don’t know if there would be a benefit and I can’t gauge the risks. I’d be shooting a gun blindfolded. I may slay the beast, or kill an innocent bystander. Too unpredictable from both sides therefore not a tactically sound move. I cannot afford injecting myself into that dynamic without more information which is not my business to glean.

You don't know if any of it is true - any of it. Only that she was hiding things, and good at telling stories.

As far as grilling her, it was gently done. I am somewhat suspicious after my experience with infidelity and things didn’t add up. As much as I’d like to believe that people are generally good, my experiences dictate it’s safer to assume otherwise.

People still are generally good - mostly.
But some are bad, and we often don't know which we are dealing with. It pays to be careful. Like you teach the kids - be wary of strangers. You know all this stuff, but there really are so many good people in the world.

We could chew you out for making mistakes, but that's kind like the dad telling the son that because he totaled his car, he doesn't have permission to drive it any more.

You feel it already, we only want to help.
Wish I could help more.

SS

I would have a hard time believing that we are judged for our thoughts. Thoughts do not harm anyone.It is really only through our actions that we can harm ourselves or others.