My wife has decide to move out on her own this week. She now has an apartment and job of her own. She has abandoned me and three of our kids to fend for ourselves. She took the baby which was the result of a one night stand that happened last year and moved out for some 'space'.

So she is not currently involved in an affair. Question I have is should I be in plan A if there is no affair? Isn't plan A only to end an affair? Not really sure where to go as far as dealing with her needs at this time. I do want her to come back, but not as much as I used to.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome.

What makes you think she is not in an affair?

Julius, first only you know how much you want to save your M. Plan A is a lot of work and takes committment. Plan A is not just for ending an A. In fact it goes on long after the A ends even when it is used for that purpose.

Plan A in a nut shell is about being the best you that you can be. It's about letting the giver in you take over and putting the taker aside. It's about avoiding the LBing that is inevetable when a M is falling apart.

It would be easier to give advice with a little more info. Are you sure there is no current A? Moving out, asking for space, and for sure leaving children behind sounds like someone deep into the addiction of an A. Do you know what lead her to those A's?

You are in charge of three children. Take care of them. It is your most important job right now. Good luck and always remember... IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!

Oh my GOD it is ME!! I finally realize it was me that was driving her away. I thought I was meeting her emotional needs but I was controlling her. Every time. Oh man oh man what to do now? I think I may have lost my last chance to make this work. I would bargin and negotiate and manipulate to make sure my needs were met, so even if I was meeting her needs I was LBing at the same time!!! I need to change my login name. Julius was stabbed in the back by someone he trusted. I stabbed myself in the back. I am suprised she lasted as long as she did. Why didn't I see it sooner? So she is out and feeling alot better away from me, is there any hope for my marriage?? Can I convince her I can correct my controlling behavior?? Any more thoughts would be welcome.

If she is having an affair now, which is more likely, I can no longer blame her. I am just stunned at myself. I was acting like a fool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />