DDay will be July 6 2005. Almost 1 year. The OW told 11 year old son that she was sleeping with his father. She said he asked and she was not going to lie to him.

With that said my niece came to see us yesterday. She is 11. We have not seen her in about 2 years. My son told her that his father had a girlfriend and that we were getting a divorce.

This has really upset me. I figured after a year my son would be doing better with this. Is it just for attention? How do I handle this? We are in recovery. We are all living together. We have been happy for the most part.

What do I do?

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LU

how old is your son and what has been his reaction & behaviour to & during your initial separation with your H?

I don't understand. Doing better in what way? What is he doing wrong? I am completely confused about what the problem is. Can you be more specific, LU?

Lifted up,

If you are in Recovery(and I went over and read the posts there too),what the he** was the homewrecking OW talking to your son for? We can't go back in time now but I would be FUMING that the homewrecker told MY son what was going on.And,if he just found out the specifics or everything in general,why would he be doing better? He has barely had anytime to process the information let alone even know what it all means.He is too young.

How can you blame your son for telling his cousin as well? This has to be a major blow and he is trying to share his feelings with someone.

My question is: What is the situation now with the OW and how is it that she is in contact with your family??

Just reading that she told your son that she was "sleeping" with his Dad makes me want explode.If this were me,I would find a way to make her life a little less comfortable for doing what she did.Even if it were a nice little threat of a restraining order if she EVER speaks or comes near anyone in your family again.

O

Can someone explain to me what the kid did wrong? I honestly don't get it..

LU,

I am with Mel, shock of shocks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />, I don't know what he did wrong either. (Mel, you are not so bad afterall. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )

Kids need to talk about things too. And maybe he isn't feeling as sure as you and your husband are that this is behind you. Just guessing but maybe he is just still scarred.

Another thought is that sometimes kids exagerate the sitch to put an exclamation point on how big their feelings are.

Tiggy

Who are you upset at? Why was the OW in contact with your child? What does your WS have to say about these incidents?

Do you have an IC setup for your child?

L.

I think Lifted Up is concerned that, after nearly a year of recovery, her son might not be as happy as Lifted Up and her FWH.

I think the OW told LU's son she was sleeping with his dad last July, on d-day. Since then, LU and FWH have been in recovery but son doesn't seem to be recovering along with them because of what he told his cousin.

Lifted Up, whether he said this to get attention or not (and whether I have this story straight or not) your son needs some help. If you are embarrassed that he told your niece what happened, well, there is just another example of the fall-out from affairs. He should feel free to tell anyone he wants to. Perhaps it is the "secrecy" that is bothering him.

Have you sat him down, ever, and asked him how he is feeling about everything that has happened in the last year? He may need some professional counseling to sort this all out.

~ Snow

It sounds to me like he just stated a true fact to his cousin. I don't know what is upsetting about that or what it has to do with "recovery." The only thing I can see that might be corrected is that he told his cousin his parents were getting a divorce. If that isn't true, I would tell the kid his facts weren't right about that part. But just telling his cousin about the affair isn't something to be alarmed about. He told her the truth.

If this all happened *last year then hopefully they can do more work with their son to make him feel more secure since they are still married,the family is intact and not divorcing afterall,as far as we know,right?

Can you clarify LU?

O

Has your son got any information that you don't know about?

Sorry guys for not getting back to you. I was not able to post yesterday afternoon.

My son has known from the beginning. The OW and my family went to the same church. That is FWH and she met. The OW told my son just a few weeks after this all started. My son knew before I did and confronted his dad about it. His father had moved out and denied that he wa sleeping with her. My FWH confronted her about telling our son and she said she was not going to lie to him.

I did not say that I felt that my son had done anything wrong. I thought that he was just as far along in recovery as we (FWH and I) are. We are doing great. Our son does see and IC.

SnowBelle had it right. I am sorry that I did not explain myself better. I am just a concerned mother.

We sat down with our son last night. He said he had not seen his cousin in a long time. They have both been through a lot. He said he was just filling her in on what had been going on in his life.

I just hate that at 11 years old he has had to deal with all of this. It makes me feel that I have not protected him like a good mother should do.

LU, what makes you think he is not in recovery, though? That is that the part I am not getting.

I do think he is in recovery. The way he told it sounded like he thought his father still had a girlfriend and that we were getting a divorce. That was what bothered me.

There has not been a OW for almost a year. I was concerned that he thought there still was a OW.

Hi LU,

Thanks for clarifying things.

Do you think that your FWH is not doing enough,so to speak,to encourage your son that everything is OK and that he will not do this again to the family? Afterall,like the rest of us as BS's,if we are not doing as "well" as expected given the circumstances,it can *sometimes be due to the WS not doing enough to support us.Same could be said for your son.Maybe he is getting some conflicting emotions from his Dad? Could be it will just take the proverbial 2 years or more to really feel more secure that another horrible discovery won't happen again.I don't know.Just throwing some thoughts out there.Maybe the IC has some ideas?

I know for me,even if I had stayed with my WH,there was always that "what if" hanging over my head that I just am not sure would have ever gone away enough for me to be truly happy again.I feel so much more free not having my WH in my life now.No one to worry about cheating on me again,at least for now.lol

Anyway,glad to know your recovery is going well.I hope it continues.

O

LU, have you talked to him to correct his facts? I don't think this is a big deal. Just sit him down and make sure he is updated on the situation.