I am at a loss for words, so, just a real brief "why try".

D biological father cheats on his W. they divorce. I marry W, he marries his OW.

W cheats on me. working on Marriage.

SD comes home from visit with (dad?) Informs us that uncle, (dad's brother),who is married. Is seperated from w and is dating. He is still married.

How can I expect SD to see that cheating is wrong when 3 important people in her life are/have cheated?

Don't know what to say if anything.

Help!!!

Sit your D down and ask her for her observation. Let her know that some adults around her are not making healthy or safe choices. Then ask her how she feels about it vs how she would handle it.

Reassure her of your love, your respect and standards. Let her know that you appreciate her letting you know what others have done. Let her know that not all adults do the right thing all the time. Part of growing up means knowing how to tell the difference and making right choices for ourselves. Let her know it is safe for her to tell you when she feels you maybe straying and that you will do the same with her. Make a pact with her on this matter. It is critical for her to know where she stands with you. Strengthen your bond with her and hers with you.

Be each others support group.

You need to get her POV before you can know how to help her.

L.

Orchid, I have tried this when she figured out what W did, and she was not very talkative about it. I told her she could talk to me and that a IC was available if she needed it.

She was just"not sure what to think" and she "just thinks about something else"

We are not the closest since her real father started to see her a couple times a year. He buys her and tells her things she wants to hear. A long story in and of itself.

But, the W does not know she knows. I have been tempted to tell her, but SD doesn't. They are unnaturally close.

I am just afraid she is going to think this is just part of everyday life and that it will be ok.

Maybe this is the way it is supposed to be, but if it is, why is there marriage?

^

Boy do I wish that my stepdad had had this conversation with me when I was younger! (My dad cheated on my mom, then married the OW. My mom dated an M man for a while after that.)

Thinking from the POV of your SD, I would have liked to have had my SDad review basic marriage vows with me, look at reasons that spouses cheat, and how to build a strong relationship in marriage. Perhaps share what went wrong with you and your WW that could explain *why* there was an affair.

Your SD might be too young just yet, I was 12 when my dad left, 15 when my SDad came into the pic. If she's older or mature, you might do well letting her read some of Dr. Harley's books.

Gotta run, I'll try to post again later.

Cat

How old is your SD? Has she started dating? Is she well adjusted in school/activites?

SD is 17. she has just started somewhat dating her first real boyfriend. she is an over achiever in school.
I have had some small talk with her, but she did not want to talk to much, she just kept changing the subject, so I didn't push it.

She is really close to her mother, almost to close IMO. but that is a different story.

Maybe I should just let things be for awhile.
I am still confused about the whole A, don't know how I can expect her to get it.

I just hate this!!!