For BS's out there who suspect their WS's A was and exit A........ when if ever do they actually come clean and admit it is/was an exit A?

Whats an exit affair? An excuse to leave? Please clarify.

Yes, An exit affair is when the WS has already decided to leave the M and just has the A wanting to be found out and kicked out of the house because they are conflict avoiders and don't have the guts to tell their spouse that they are unhappy in the marriage. They have already decided that they do not want to invest in making the marriage work.

Homer, my wife's affair was as "exit" affair. She had told me after putting me thru hell for 8 months, treating me like a piece of trash that she had an affair. Her reason was to have me kick her out and make me the "bad guy". Well that was 3 years ago and we're still married and recovering. After plan A'ing my butt off her guilt got the best of her and she came clean with everything even though she not it would kill me inside, to which it did. To me an exit affair is one of the most cowardly acts I have seen. If you want out, then get out and don't put anyone thru the hell of an affair. It's amazing how many problems simple communication can solve.

JDK... I hear ya, you would think that they would care enough about you as a human being to spare you the pain.
I have some info about my WH's EA that pretty much tells me its an exit A but he has yet to tell me that himself.

So how is the trust with you now? How did you go from discovery to recovery?

I still have some trust issues as my wife works in a male dominant work place, plus she is a very flirtacious (sp)by nature. She calls it being nice but I beg to differ, with her personality she needs attention but we're working on that.
Discovery... she came clean 3 months after the affair was over. She thought that if I could stay with with her the whole time she was traeting me as bad as she had, that I must really love her. DUH! That's why I said for BETTER or WORSE.
Recovery...that took a little longer as she was not very honest with me at first. She would'nt tell me who. After about 6 months, actually on my birhtday she could she that I still wasn't doing well and came clean with everything. That's when we were able to think of recovery. After all of the information was out I had serious doubts that I would ever be able to put my self 100% in the marriage again but I keep chuggin along. We have a 3 yr old daughter that helped me make a decision to the road to recovery.

JDK...Hang in there. I think it will all turn around for you. If your wife has reinvested and is being honest with you at this point, I think you have only one way to go and that is up. My WH has told me that he feels like being married to me "sometimes"...I said "Funny I don't remember that being in our vows" I don't trust him, I don't believe him and yet I am hanging in there because of who I am and what I believe.

I wish you the best

Homer... then why would he move back home?

And how was he this past weekend?

He sulked the whole weekend. Showed up late for us to take off camping, said he there to help pack up. Guess what...it was already done. decided that we were only going to stay one night which really upset the DD's, canceled the kennel (which I had reserved) and got his friend to do the dog duty.
Once we were there he hardly talked at all to the people there. These are his friends that we have known pre M.

And as I said he moved everything back home and then left to go golf.

I am not sure what to do now that he is back home, don't feel I can start making demands.

As far as why would he move back??? $$$$

I keep trying to work out if my WH's affair was an exit affair. I'm not sure whether he had the affair in order to leave, or decided to leave because of the affair!

He told me it took him two months to decide if he would leave or not (he has left, BTW, and lives with OW). I'm not sure if it qualifies because he hadn't decided to leave when it started.

But then, it's hard to work anything out about my WH at the moment.

Whether or not WH's affair was exit or not, he still ran away from all the issues and problems in the marriage.

Alph.