Hi, I am so glad I found this post. I found out about A four months ago. I have been in hell every since. I had to take stress leave from job. I on meds. I am seeing a MC. H says he is in love with a former coworker. He will always love me. He is not sorry the A occured but sorry he hurt me and the kids.(ages 3, 7, 11). H stills live in the home, he has left twice. The 1st time I didn't know about the A. He returned in a week and agreed to go to MC. The 2nd time I put him out. I did ask him to come back, he came back but the A was still on. He says he can't give up that R. She make him feel alive. H is 38. I am not sure if is too late to start plan A. I have known about the A for awhile and have made alot of withdrawals. I am trying to control my anger. Is there still a chance to save my M.? Should I start with Plan A or Plan B?

Mahhm (Mad as hell, help me)

Plan A is definitely the way to go in your situation. Please read everything you can. A stellar Plan A will help you change and grow, and at the same time, give your WH something to consider as an alternative to OW and destroying his family. Plan A is, in part, about making inroads into your husband's heart that will challenge his devotion to OW.

It's not too late to start. Halt all withdrawals immediately. Read "His Needs, Her Needs" and get started. And post often. You'll find much commfort here.

~ Snow

mahhm, welcome to MB. So sorry for your situation. Click here for WAT's guidelines for betrayed spouses. Read up on Plan A, LB's etc. Keep reading and posting. You should start with a good solid Plan A before you ever consider Plan B. Yes, you should control your anger and avoid LB's (love busters) and yes there is a chance to save your M. Lots of good people here with solid advice for you to follow.

I am trying to work on Plan A, but how do I deal with my husband seeing the OW. H lets me know he wants to see OW more. I sometimes get angry and we have big blowouts. H just came home for lunch. We went out of town this weekend to take son to grandparents. H had NC with OW for two days. So, H says he has alot of work at the office and won't be home early. I know H is going over to see OW. I did not have one of major blow up. I said ok and don't work to hard. Am I allowing my H to think he can have it both ways?
Any suggestions on how to respond to suggest hurtful request by H?

mahhm

read the link to WATs guidelines (faithful follower put up the link)then ask questions

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

have you done exposure yet?

No, I have not done exposure. I did threaten my husband once and got so angry with me. The OW is single. I could tell her parents. The OW no longers works at the same job, but does come to replace other workers on sick leave. Is exposure the best thing in plan A or should I wait for plan B? Do I need to expose the A?

mahhm

Expose, Expose, Expose...

Tell her parents, employer, and anyone she knows.

In regards to your husband seeing her, there is not one damn thing you can do. In fact, the more you object the more he will see her. So Love Bust away while he runs to her for comfort.

You can't do Plan B until you have done a very good job at Plan A.

If you Plan B now your husband will ONLY have Bad memories of you, so he won't miss the NASTY you.

If you Plan A (which is working on YOU, not him) and then leave him, he may miss you and want to reconcile.

Plan A your **** off. Take care of yourself, exercise today and start eating healthy. This job takes a lot out of you.

If you can't feel good about yourself then why would your husband feel good about wanting to come back to the same old you.

And read every damn book listed on this site.

BTW, this may help you. If you and your husband reconcile one day he will look to this woman as a ****** ******. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good Luck

Andrew

I have to admit I am a little scared to expose A. I don't want my H to lose his job. I think it may be better to wait for plan B to expose A.

mahhm

Believe this. This is certainly true in my sitch. My FWH has moved steadily to this POV of his FOW.....

Of course, he had to admit to enjoying her BUT....

I am in Plan A , husband will be with OW tonight. I know where OW lives. It is hard to control myself from going over there and ruining there night. How do I handle exposure? No one has given any advice about waiting for Plan B or do it while I am in plan A!

mahhm

exposure is a part of Plan A

In other words, figure out a way to calmly and lawfully ruin their night. It can spell the beginning of the end of the A. Park outside her house and be there waiting before he gets there? Call her house if you know the number?

On my D-Day, I showed up at the hotel room to their big surprise. FOW hated that I spoiled their night. My FWH got in his car and left her in the hotel room. She called me on my cellphone irate asking: "What are you, the FBI?". What an idiot! Correct answer: "I'm his wife!" I was so shocked by her stupidity that I couldn't even answer.....

mahhm,

I can't think of a better time to talk to OW's parents. Tell them you have proof your husband is having an affair with their daughter and you would like their help in convincing her of the no-win situation she has gotten herself into.

Tell them you want to save your marriage. Then, by all means, tell them that you think your husband is with their daughter at her place right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My dad would be out the door like a shot!

~ Snow

Yep! I almost forgot this.

While at the hotel, I called his best friends and had them to call him on his cell.

The friends didn't believe me at first.... "If you don't believe me, call him right now and ask him?"

I think I am a little confused. I read about Plan A online. Is there a book with more details? I just started Plan A about two days ago. I have not asked him to stop seeing the OW. He has already expressed no desire to stop seeing OW. If I expose the A , WS will probably move out. Then it will be hard to work on Plan A.

mahhm

mahhm, it will be hard, if not impossible, to save your marriage if you DON'T expose. Exposure is the greatest tool you have in your arsenal to hasten the end of this affair. This affair survives on secrecy and when you expose it, it ruins the fantasy aspect of the affair and makes it quite troublesome! Exposure will not destroy your marriage, but it will likely destroy the affair. On the other hand, the AFFAIR will destroy your marriage. So get to exposing NOW! It it an essential part of Plan A.

Not exposing them is only helping them hide their dirty little secret, and secrecy helps the affair thrive. Do you want to help the affair thrive? Or do you want to help your marriage? Whose side are you on?

It is a big step. I just want to make sure I am ready for the fallout. I know WS will be furious. I was going to call OW's parents awhile back. I was calling around looking for OW's parents number and she phoned WS. WS came home immediately from work. I can't remember seeing him so angry. WS wanted to know what the hell I was doing. He expressed If I hurt OW. I hurt WS also. So, I backed off thinking it was a wrong move, because I thought he would the home.

mahhm

See, he is SCARED to death of exposure, because they know it will hurt their great set up. He will be FURIOUS, but it will be very much worth it, mahham.

The best thing to do is to make a list of all pertinent people to whom you should expose and do it all in one day. Call her parents, your family, his family, close friends, and key co-workers. Anyone you think is relevent who would have influence. The reason I advocate doing this all in one day is because if you dribble this out, you give the infidels time to get to the target first if they know you are doing this, and warn the target that you have "lost your mind" and are imagining an affair. They will spin it in a way that damages your credibility. It is also better to get it done at once, because its easier to recover from one explosion than several.

Just be prepared to see some spitting fury and lots of idle threats. That is VERY TYPICAL! Cockroaches are FURIOUS when you turn on the light! They always get over it, though. But we will help you deal with the fallout, don't worry. We do this all the time!

P.S. whatever you do, DON'T forewarn your H you are going to do this. The surprise element is essential to its success.