Everyday get harder and harder. WH can be very hurtful. Most days I feel emotionally drained. I have started exercise classes, I go out with my friends, but all of this uncertainty about my M is getting the best of me. I have 3 children. WH took all three kids to school and daycare during school, because he doesn't have to be to work until 9. Now, if WH is leaving I have to find some way to get to kids to school. I don't want him coming to house everyday. I guess I am running out of gas! WH actually had the nerves to be upset with me on Sunday, because I would not let him go watch the basketball game a sportsbar. Just a scam to be with OW. I told him Sunday's were family time. I am really sick of his sh##. WH ordered another cell phone without telling me, he had it sent to the job. I am now wondering if OW did not buy the cell phone so she could contact him more. Our other cell phone contract has not expired, I broke his cell phone on a vacation when I discovered him calling OW. Today I am supposed to expose A to OW family. I am a little nervous, because I know this is going to piss WH off! WH has been looking at the real estate part of the paper. I wonder will this push him out the door? At this point I don't really care. I am tired. I never feel like I know if I am doing the right thing!

mahhm

I am so emotionally drained. I am losing it. My WH just came home for lunch to tell me he thinking about taking a job that would take him on the road for months at a time. So, I am wondering who is suppose to help me raise the kids. I am not stupid, I know some how OW is involved. I know he is not going to leave OW for months at a time. Then WH tells me he can't see how we can go from here, because he won't give up his A. What kind of sh## is this? I am so angry! WH wants me to say it is okay for him to be in A and keep his family. I could really use some advice.

mahhm

I gave you my advice already. Take care. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

{{{mahhm}}}

I don't have the advice you need - I'm sorry - but I wanted you to know that I feel for you.

Alph.

Mahhm-

YOU HAVE TO EXPOSE--All at once, one fell swoop. Her parents, his family, his boss, his friends.....anyone who has any influence.

I know it's scary hon....but it's necessary. You want the affair to be over don't you? EXPOSE.....take away all the fun and mystery, inject some real life problems into that little affair bubble, and when he comes home screaming at you for doing it, you'll be ready for him. You'll be calm and loving...but firm. This affair needs to end for the sake of your family.

-Caren

It been a week since my last post. I am still in plan A. I am not sure it is working. He seems to be getting more distant from me. The conversations in a whole day are small talk, maybe 10 minutes at the most. I am not sure what is going on with WS and OW. The last couple of visits with OW have been shorter than usual. WS seems always preoccupied and loves to listen love songs. The other day WS said I have been avoiding him, because I don't call his job anymore, he has to call me. We had a good father's day, I cooked some of his favorite foods, and wrapped his gifts that night he was out with OW. When he came home it was all on the kitchen island with his favorite cake that said, Happy father's day. On Sunday he opened his gifts said a low thank you! He will have SF with me but shows no affection towards me. Sometimes that really bothers me. Is this normal behavior for a WS? Am I on the right road?

mahhm

To whom have you exposed this affair thus far? (Plan A)

To what degree have you changed yourself to become the best wife you possible can and meet his legitimate ENs? (Plan A)

To what degree have you honestly expressed how much his affair is hurting you ... and done so without namecalling, whining, pleading, yelling or otherwise lovebusting? (also Plan A)

To what degree have you demonstrated to your husband what a wonderful home and family he has right under his nose? (Plan A)

What are your weaknesses that you have begun to improve?

Pep

I think this is good.

But more importantly, what tone of voice greets your husband when he calls you? Are you tense? Are you warm? Are you desperate?

Make it worth his while to CALL YOU .... and be sure to compliment him about how good it makes you feel to hear his voice.

Pep

I have changed since this whole thing began. I am trying to meet WS's EN. I verbally and show appreciation for things he does around the house. I actually listen to WS about his job. I am always expressing what a good provider he has been for the family. I am meeting his SN. WS will not allow me to show him affection. I have made improvements in myself. I have lost 30lbs. I exercise everyday. I am no longer desperate,whiney or begging husband to stay. I cook every other day for my family. I go out some evenings with my girlfriends. When WS does call from work, I put on my fake voice and try to sound cheerful. I don't push the conversation. I think I am doing a good plan A, but it seems likes I am just spinning my wheels.

mahhm

1. Has your H noticed your changes?

2. Have you exposed the affair?

mahhm, you are spinning your wheels. You are wasting your time, I am sorry to say. As long as you continue to help your H hide his affair with the OW, this will continue. Your H has absolutely no reason to stop his affair. Why should he?

If he can get away with seeing the OW everyday and carry on his affair, he will continue to do it. Who is going to stop him? You won't. He is getting his needs met by TWO women and only an insane man would give that up voluntarily.

Why would he possibly give that up when he has a willing, compliant wife who is happy to help him hide his dirty secret?

What an unbelievable morning! WS asks me if he could have 1 or 2 days of or vacation time to spend with OW. I am wondering do I have doormat written across my forehead. How can you ask your W something like that! I calmly replied, that is our time to be together and spend time with the kids. I didn't even mention that is also our aniversary during this time.(16yrs) This can not be typical behavior, my WS is absolutely crazy! WS did not even bother to try and lie about it. If WS goes away with OW, he is definitely out of this house. I think I am going insane, everyday is some type of drama with WS. How long can one except this type of behavior?

mahhm

I'm not sure if you mean

expect or accept???

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, just a little angry this morning. I meant accept.

mahhm

I know I am in plan A, but how do I handle this? I am trying not LB.

Mahhm

If you haven't exposed, you are not in Plan A.

Pep

Okay! So I am afraid of exposure. I told my WS if the R is so great, he should spread the news. WS spouse was calmed and said then what would be the point in sneaking around.
WS seems okay to exposure. Is WS full of sh#$? Or would he
be relieved so he didn't have to sneak around. This stuff is scary! Am I doing the right thing?

mahhm

Hey, I know everyone keeps telling me to expose, but that doesn't mean I don't have any doubts. I would really appreaciate some feedback. This is difficult, I guess I am so afraid of the fallout, the worse my WS leaving. We are
suppose to take our family vacation next week. Why do I feel
like I am creating all the turmoil in the family? Should I send letters to everyone, after we leave for our trip? Exposure seems likes it is the hardest step for me take. I guess I feel like my WS's fog almost convinces me that we had a bad relationship and there is no help for our M. I feel like he would just leave if the A was exposed

mahhm

I give up.

Sorry, I am not as strong as you Melody. I do appreciate
your advice, but why give up on me. I thought this site was
for support. I have came a long way. Encouraging words are
better than words of defeat.

mahhm