Question for the men....

any male betrayed MBers think about (in retrospect) having their child DNA tested to establish paternity of a child they had previously assumed to be their biological child?

Does discovering they are married to a WW cause a man to wonder if they are the bio-dad to the child(ren) in the home?

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yes. My wifes affair supposedly started when my daughter was only 4 mos. old. So yes I think about it alot.

Yeah, I have thought about it but I never really considered doing it.

just don't know,
My wifes affair supposedly started when my daughter was only 4 mos. old.
So you think it was actually a sexual affair 13 months prior to that?

In answer to your 2nd question first:

H*LL yea, I thought about it.

Especially since the CLB walked into the room while I was visiting with our youngest when she was just a day old.
(First and only time I ever meet the creep). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

In retrospect, kind of makes YOU "wonder".

Not to mention, all their sex occurred right in that very same Hospital.

I mean the A supposedly started, when my youngest was like 6 months old. So it sure wouldn't take much "fudging" as far as times / dates to make it possible.

Cause my W already lied big time (by claiming the A was only 3-4 months instead of the now 2+ yrs).
So how big a stretch would it be to add say another year?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

So sure its crossed my mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

[But its not something I'm fixated on].

After all, My girls look like mini ME's of one another.

With that said,
No, haven't done it.
No plan to at the moment.

However, (IF) this would ever end up in a D, then I would pay for it my self.
(for all my kids)

I'd just have to know. (100%).

Cause I've read the statistics of men raising some other guys children too [yet NEVER knowing].
(Kind of freaked me out really).

But now that my eye's are OPEN, and I see truly how much Cheating does go on (and with NO Protection at all) .....I can see where its possible.

May seem weird to NOT test one route, yet want to another ....but that's infidelity for ya.

Many crazy (and sometimes contradictory) choices along the way.

Hi Pep - this has not crossed my mind because my two sons had strong family resemblences to my side of the family and I believe my wife was being faithful during the period when they were conceived. Hmmmmm, but where was my brother...........? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

Chris. Yes, my wifes affair partner was her boss. They had everybody snowballed for along time. We would spend on average 2 days a week with him and his wife. It could have been going on for long time. I never thought in a million years that the 2 of them would be so bold to flaunt it front of myself and his wife like they did. But either way I committed myself to recovery so I have to try and keep that out of my daily thoughts.

As a RWW, my stbx and I discussed this after OM's wife outed me. My h never has and never will entertain the idea of our DS being OM's because <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> um certain anatomy of DS is identical to my H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Although my A was over before I got pg with my DS, the pg really sealed the deal with never resuming the A again. You know, those moments when during withdrawl you miss the OP? Not on your life with the pg in the picture. Thank you God for that timing!

Well, since you asked...

OM was not in the country when our only child was concieved.

But, in any case, my point of view is that my child is a very central part of my life. The real father is the one who does the fathering - the one who is the "Dad" to the child.

I would not test, because I claim her. She's mine! Got it?

If it was a newborn and divorce was in the air, I might consider it.

Nobody "raises another man's child". If you raise the child, he/she becomes your child - and you become his/her Dad.

JMO.

-AD

Thanks for the responses guys (and gal)

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Interesting question for a man…especially if he’s intent on suffering the fires of hell right here on earth! LOL But for me it was never a question and never will be. Not ever. I look at my children and all I see is their love and trust looking back at me…and nothing else matters to me,…nothing else in this world matters as much as the love in those eyes looking back at me.
Coach

Yes, this is something I have thought about off and on since D-Day 2. DS was 2 when W’s LTA (10 years, at least) supposedly started. But there have been so many lies and so much deception for so long I really don’t know what to believe.

DS does not look at all like me or my side of the family. So he could be OM’s (or someone else’s for that matter).

But I decided about three months into this that I would not have any tests done. This is the one and only thing I do not care to know about for sure.

DS and I now have a new kind of relationship that IMO goes way beyond the father – son relationship we had before. We always had a good relationship before W’s LTA was discovered. W was very disconnected most of the time and usually cranky when she was around us so DS and I were pretty much on our own most of the time anyway. But during the six months W moved out hoping OMM would come to her, we became something more. Can’t really explain it, but we are closer than ever. W even seems jealous of us at times.

However, after all that is said, I still feel sad knowing that if he is not my biological son I will never pass my genes on now. It seems important somehow to actually sire an offspring as well as raise one. But W did not want any more children after DS was born. (She had her A with OMM to protect as her higher priority I see now.) And now she says she is too old.

I choose to never know for sure if DS is my biological child or not. I love him enough that it makes no difference to me. But I definitely miss not knowing whether or not I have passed my genetic heritage on.

I think I could have made a pretty smart good looking kid. But then so is DS, even if I didn’t make him. I just take what I can get any more.

Thanks Aphelion

We have 2 adopted kids and no bio kids ... so this is a non issue with us ... but reading some of the stories here made me wonder how betrayed husbands deal with this possibility.

Again, thanks.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Nope. In my case, DS8 is mine. That's back when she was in love with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

hello all,

Having read your post, I thought I would add my thoughts on the subject. And by the way, I have two kids too, both adopted.

Years ago, I helped develop one the first DNA-probe based testing systems for a company I was working for that specialized in paternity testing.

At the time, 15 years ago, it was revolutionary and met with skeptics over the reliability of the results. Having tested over 500 cases, I wanted to add that DNA is the most powerful, and reliable indicator of heritable traits available. Blood type testing, HLA and other antigen markers can luckily give you a ballpark indicator of whose child it is, but a battery of DNA provides a "slam dunk" on the child's identity.

There was only one case we could'nt solve, the W slept around with her H and HIS identical twin brother. We called them the good twin (H) and bad twin (brother). Brother was in and out of jail, drug abuse, etc. Anyway, we ran enough DNA tests to prove that the odds of one of them being the father was greater than the entire world's population!

Just make sure it is a reliable lab doing the work and you can have confidence in the results...

take care

beavis

AD said:

"But, in any case, my point of view is that my child is a very central part of my life. The real father is the one who does the fathering - the one who is the "Dad" to the child.
I would not test, because I claim her. She's mine! Got it?
Nobody "raises another man's child". If you raise the child, he/she becomes your child - and you become his/her Dad."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

It is more likely than not that my daughter was the biological product of OM#2. She doesn't look anything like me. And XWW has all but confirmed it. I've never had the DNA tested and, to the best of my knowledge, she hasn't either. (My son is a spitting image of me, fortunately -- good to know, since XWW was screwing around on me then too, with somebody else.)

But, notice what I said: my daughter WAS the "biological product" of OM#2. I refuse to state that "she is not mine". Because, SHE IS MINE. Any piece of [censored] (like OM#2, e.g.) can be a father, but it takes somebody special to be a daddy. My little girl loves me, and I love her.

I've wondered on and off in the last year and a half if I should get the test done. But I don't know what good that would do. I now have an emotional bond to my daughter, and I have no intention of letting go of that. Just like I will not allow my position as her father to be encroached upon in any way by OM#2. To the best of my knowledge, he is still ignorant as to the possibility. But if he ever finds out and tries to horn in on my place, I will gut him in the belly.

A child is a child. The person whose child they are is determined by who raises them, who nurtures them, who feeds them, who comforts them, who teaches them right from wrong, and who would give their own life to save the child's. And that, world, is me. Nobody else. ME!!!

I've wondered about this a lot......

Not the DNA testing, I believe the child is mine, but the whole "who is the father" thing......

This is a totally extreme thought but strange things happen....

If my STBXW were to leave the state or country with the OM and the courts for some crazy [censored] reason allowed her to take our son......that would leave the OM to do all the fathering. Would that make him the father?

Assuming OM teaches our son right and wrong, does all the comforting, and says he would give his own life for the child, how would I contribute to being the father?

Since our son is living with STBXW and OM this is on my mind everyday.

GDF

Hi. I had to comment on this post. I am reading all these posts about the choice you men have to find out or not if you W child is biologically yours. As a BS whose H got his OW pregnant, I had no choice in the matter of knowing whether or not baby was H. OW is single (well has an on again off again boyfriend). H had DNA done, pays child support, etc. From my perspective it would have been GREAT if OW had a significant other that wanted to accept the baby as his own without question. It would have been better for everyone. So hats off to all of you who just love your kids and don't want to put everyone through the trauma of looking into the DNA!

I have a sister I hope they never do any DNA testing on. I have stayed mum about this my whole life, but when I was 5-6 my mother went out on a "date" with a strange man WITH ME in the back seat. It was late at night and we went to his house and they put me to bed in his guestroom. I thought this was a great adventure!

Anywho, I find out 35 years later that the paternity of my sister, who is 7 years younger than I, has been quietly "questioned" by my dad and grandmother all these years. This was a shock to me!

See, my parents were seperated that summer and I guess my dad claimed that he couldn't be the dad. My mother always said he was crazy, who else could it be?? [my dad was in and out that year, so her story was plausible]

Well, guess what little girl knows who else it could be? ME! Me and my mother are the only ones who know about that man and that "date." I have never said a word and neither has she. I will take this to my grave. My lips are sealed.

Yup, my husband feels for sure he is not the bio father of his son from his first marriage. He (son) is now 35 years old.

I'm just sayin...

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />