AR-15? You and I think alike....

I might just bring my SKS out sometime...

An AR-15 was to be my next purchase...or a desert eagle.


I am glad you are finding peace, man.



And to all those thinking we Texans all own guns...you are right - so don't screw with us! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


TM

Speakin' like a couple of true Texans!! Count me in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hey, once a Texanne, always a Texanne.

Update - I spoke with a very good friend of mine last night. Friend works for attorneys writing legal briefs and doing research. I asked him about the fact that WW has neither attempted to mediate my settlement proposal or accepted it. The court date is set for July 11. He thinks it is very strange that neither has happened. The case cant be tried in Texas until there has been mediation. He is thinking that she is planning on accepting the proposal. He also said that I cant, at that point change my mind and stop the D after she has accepted my proposal. He said that the court would enter the judgement at that point.
While my proposal was intended to make it very difficult for her to divorce me, I guess that if she accepts it, it shows how determined she is. I am kinda bummed about it right now, but what it is what it is I guess.




"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Hang in there. Not to give you any false hope, but I did do a complete 180 when the reality of the D hit me. But, that is just me. I guess we all have to accept that marriages can't be saved by 1 person alone. Both will have to want it.

My heart goes out to you. I hope that your W wakes up and sees what she's missing.

Take care,

Thanks Whisper! I guess that my consolation will be in the knowledge that I tried. I really do pity WW. She is a lost soul with no clue on what happiness entails. My heart breaks for her and what she has become. The loss is no longer what I focus on, but what she has become really makes me sad. She was such a beautiful person when we married. I hope someday she can get back to being that person.
I am not giving up hope yet and wont until it is final. But it would take nothing short of a miracle now. At least thats the way I feel.



"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

That was another reason why I came back - I didn't want to walk away knowing that I've not done EVERYTHING. That I may walk away regretting this for the rest of my life.

Whisper,
I have a question for you. What was it that cut through the fog to make you see that you had not done everything? Was this just divine intervention? I am curious. WW seems to think, like most affairees, that the D is going to make her happy despite never making an effort to save the M.

In the back of my mind, I've always known that I've not done EVERYTHING. That's why it was so hard to let go. Even when I was in the deepest fog - when I thought that I didn't love my H, that marrying him 12 years ago was a huge mistake, that there was absolutely NO WAY things could be worked out - I always knew I didn't do everything. Why? Because I always had the OM waiting in the wings. Keep in mind that most WS's stay in the fog NOT because of logic but rather emotion. Hence the limbo-hell, right? Meaning, when a WS's logic kicks in, guilt and uncertainty dominate our being, and when our emotion kicks in, self-indulgence and selfishness (fog) dominate our being. It's almost as if we are demon-possessed. Believe me, I've thought that of myself countless times when I was in my fog. So, no, it was no divine intervention.

"WW seems to think, like most affairees, that the D is going to make her happy despite never making an effort to save the M."

>I thought this too, only w/ slightly different logic. I thought that if I moved on w/ the OM, I could start w/ a clean slate. No ugly history/messes to clean up. This "new life" would be better, b/c I wouldn't make the same mistakes. ERRRR Wrong! Keep in mind, it's still me and my flaws and a different guy, with his flaws.

What really happened is my "clean-slate" fantasy of an A started to turn into a "messy-slate" reality. All the things that I didn't care for about my M, ironically, existed in this new relationship. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> And, now I not only have a new, messy slate, I've got the shame and fears of an A to go w/ it! Yikes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

And, this should explain a lot ... Even to this day, most of my friends who actually did meet the OM said that he is a lot like my H (in more ways than just looks). Well, it's only natural that I would be attracted to the same type of men, right? Well, we all know nobody is perfect and that in every relationship problems (realities) will arise. Well, the more time I spent with the OM, the more reality hit me in the face. Bad habits, bills, differing values, conflicting opinions, horrendous tastes, family issues, salaries/spending differences all surface after a while. That's when I realized - there will always be another messy slate. Why not learn from my mistakes and clean up the one I have? Unfortunately, it took me 1 1/2 years to figure this out. I've never been accused of being the sharpest knife in the drawer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Yes but you DID figure it out. I am afraid that my WW will never figure it out until she has slid so far down the slope that she will never be able to climb back up.
I talked to my attorney yesterday. WW and her atty answered our discovery papers. WW maintains she didnt enter into the relationship with OM until AFTER she filed for the D. We have in our possession emails that confirm this is not true. I told my atty I wish to get this reset. He was a little surprised but said he would contact WW's atty to notify them. I will find out at my meeting if he feels there is a better way to proceed on this. Maybe the pressure of letting them know we have evidence that proves her discovery statements false will put more pressure on her to either accept my proposal for settlement or the very small chance this might cut the fog a little for her. In her statement she also accuses me of having an A with a woman in another town. All based upon the fact that I went fishing and didnt bring fish home. Sheeeeesh! Thats why they call it fishing and not catching! Anyway, on those trips I made, I would usually leave on a Friday morning and fish that afternoon and the next morning and then be home by Saturday afternoon so that I would have the rest of the weekend with WW. All because I WANTED to be with her! Not hardly enough time to find the fish and then catch them. It was either you hit'em right away on Friday afternoon and Saturday morning or I didnt hit'em at all! I wonder if WW is so fogged that she believes the crapola she espouses.




"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Meeting with my atty this morning. I have been seeking God on this all weekend. It seems that the answer I have been getting is to follow my atty's advice and proceed with what he wants to do. So, I have been praying that God will lead my atty. Sounds crazy I know, but this guy quoted Luke 15 to me at my first meeting when I told him I wanted to do everything I could to save the M. It will be interesting to hear what he has to say this morning. I have to admit, I am apprehensive about this meeting.
WW still wont talk to me. I feel like I need to have a sit down talk with her before this all ends. I feel a need to let her know what I have learned about how we have arrived at this stage. I feel like, as tough as it will be, I can move on and be a better man for what has happened. She, on the other hand continues to live in darkness. Whether we divorce or reconcile, I want to bring her back into the light so to speak. I dont want the rest of her life to be one disaster after another.


"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Tex,

I too am in TX and may soon need the services of an atty. What part of TX, DFW?

My alien is getting out of control. She has an atty already and they sent me one envelope that I haven't opened. I think that is the one for an "uncontested". She now says she is going to "have me served". Not sure what all this means, but I'm sure it ain't cheap. Guess I need to cover what is left of my a$$.

Thanks - Hurts

Hurts,
I am in San Antonio. My attorney is a friend of mine and knew my WW before all this happened. I believe that makes his approach to all this different.
Had the meeting and I looked over the answers to our discovery. She admits the A with OM, but says it started only after the separation, which is untrue. I have given my atty copies of the emails which prove otherwise. He said he would only use that in the case of her being on the stand.
He has spoken to her atty about a reset and he has agreed. He also said that her atty is going to speak to WW about the possibility of reconciliation. So, I dont know what her reaction is going to be but I believe it will probably not be positive. My atty said that we will try and give her more time to come to her senses and to put pressure on her A. I told my atty that the bottom line is that I dont want to move forward until WW and I have sat down and talked. It might be an exit talk but I feel like it needs to happen no matter what. So, we both feel like time is on the side of the M and the D, both at the same time. Kinda odd isnt it?


"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

I guess your atty wouldn't help me up north. Sounds like we have similar stories and they ain't no fairy tale! I admire your resolve to try and salvage the M. I wish you the best. I hope we don't get to the D, but it sure seems like a reality much of the time.

Good Luck

Hurts,
for me it sure looks now like it is inevitable. But I will try to remain steadfast in my resolve to save my M. I have to admit though sometimes I think about how easy it would be to just cut my losses and move on. I have faith that God can change this all in the blink of an eye, if it is His will.
The loneliness is an issue. Especially knowing that I could have companionship anytime I want it. Good thing I have the two dogs and the cat. At least I can still have something warm and cuddly in bed with me that doesnt complicate things!



"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Sorry, was away for the Fourth and didn't have access to the internet. I did think about you and the good folks here often, though.

"I am afraid that my WW will never figure it out until she has slid so far down the slope that she will never be able to climb back up."

>Unfortunately, this is a possible outcome. If the worst does happen, I hope that you will feel comforted in the fact that you know you've given it your all and that there are no regrets. Also, all the good things that you're doing to improve yourself will make any outcome better. I truly hope you know this.

"I wonder if WW is so fogged that she believes the crapola she espouses."

>Probably yes. She's akin to a raving lunatic right now and will force herself to believe anything to justify her own actions. Again, I (sadly) was there.

"I feel like I need to have a sit down talk with her before this all ends. I feel a need to let her know what I have learned about how we have arrived at this stage. I feel like, as tough as it will be, I can move on and be a better man for what has happened."

>Are you still in Plan B? If not, can you write her a letter? Oft times, one's thoughts and feelings are better expressed through a letter - no mistakes, no awkwardness of being face-to-face. Just you and your true feelings. That was one thing that I wish my H did when I was in my fog. It was one thing for him to let me go and wait for me to respond. It's another thing for me to hear (or read) exactly how he felt about me. Selfish? Yes. But, that's just how I felt. If you choose to write her, one note is that while you express your love, you must also be firm with her A - to let her know that you cannot tolerate it w/o LB'ing too much. Hard to do, but I'm sure you'll manage.

"Whether we divorce or reconcile, I want to bring her back into the light so to speak. I dont want the rest of her life to be one disaster after another."

>Unfortunately, this is not a choice you can make. She will have to do this one on her own, despite your good intentions. Dwelling on it will only frustrate you that much more. Sorry.

"Good thing I have the two dogs and the cat. At least I can still have something warm and cuddly in bed with me that doesnt complicate things!"

>I love the way you think. My pets have pulled me through what seems like hell and back several times. Can't imagine my life without them!

Hang in there, WCNT!!

Whisper,
yes I am still in Plan B technically. Our only communication has been by email and specifically relating to my schedule and the care of the dogs (or the kids) as she refers to them. My pastor and my attorney have been consistent in their opinions that we need to sit down and talk about this. In a way it seems to make sense. While meeting with my attorney yesterday we briefly touched on how the case would go if we went to a trial. My attorney would go after her really hard on the fact that she lied in the discovery questions. The problem I have would be sitting there and watching WW be humiliated. While I know that I would be a fool to hold my attorney back, something in me doesnt want to see her destroyed in public like that. I STILL want to protect her from that if possible. I dont feel like I should approach her at this time, at least thats not the answer I am getting from God. I am hoping that she will eventually seek me out and want to talk about either reconciling or trying to end this in a more amicable manner. I think there is a hesitancy about that on her part. I have a very strong personality and can be quite persuasive. I am 12 years older than she is, and I think because of my personality she might be intimidated. Not in a physical manner but otherwise. I think she is afraid that I will talk her into something she would later regret. The funny thing is, I am not sure I wouldnt try.
Yesterday afternoon was tough. I got 2x4's from a couple of different friends that are questioning why I would even consider reconciliation. I tried to reason it away with the knowledge that they think I am prolonging my own pain by having the case reset. Oh well, I guess its all a part of this walk I have been led to choose. I will continue to seek God on this though. I will run this race to the best of my ability.
I have been praying for others in my life that have specific needs. And praise be to God, those prayers have been answered! I told these people that I had been praying for them before the prayer was answered. After the prayer was answered they have all called me and told me! They now think I have a supernatural connection! I told them that I was very happy for them, but now I wish that God could give me an answer to the prayers that I have offered concerning WW. Patience is all I can exercise now.


"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Hey, how are you holding up, WCNT?

Whisper,
as well as can be expected. Nothing has really changed. Still waiting to hear from my atty on the new date. He said that he would let me know when it was reset. I exepected an angry outburst from WW when she found out the date had been reset, but not a word negative or otherwise. I dont know if that means anything or not. When I met with my atty, he told me that he had talked to her atty and her atty said that he thought WW and I should attempt a reconciliation! How shocking is that? I dont know if that means that she has mentioned that possibility to him, or if that is just something that came out of his mouth.
At the suggestion of a friend, I did a little cooking this weekend (wild hog and venison) and prepared WW a plate with a note that it was in the fridge for her. She wouldnt touch it. Also, the previous stretch of home games, when she was coming by to take care of the dogs, I had left a $20 bill and a note for her to take it and use it for gas money that she was spending coming by. She neither touched the food or the money. Its like she wont let me do anything nice for her. Yet, when I sent her a message about this week's game schedule she responded that she would be able to come by and help me out with the dogs. It's like she wont let me meet any of her needs, but she is meeting one of mine. Now I understand that it may just be coincidence that she is meeting my need, and the real reason is that she is meeting her own need to be around the pets.
I keep praying about this and seeking God's will and for some reason, I believe that we will reconcile. I could be wrong but every time I pray about it, I just dont see us getting a divorce. When I think about the timing of all this, it has only been 6 months since I found the first evidence of the A and only 4 1/2 months since D-day. Knowing that this is a marathon, I will continue to seek God on this and I will run the race till the finish.
That being said, I have entertained the idea of just making an offer to her to get her out of my life. I have looked at some of my assets, and I could move some money around and just give her a lump sum to get on down the road. But, when I pray about it, that doesnt seem to be the answer.


"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Thought I would update things, although not much has changed on the surface. I spoke yesterday with one of our mutual friends, who also has been an intermediary for us. He mentioned that he was going out to Cali to visit another couple who are mutual friends of WW and I. The shocker was that he found out that WW is going to be visiting these folks in Cali at the same time. He said that he and the other couple plan on reading the riot act to WW while she is there. Our intermediary, who is an extremely strong Christian plans on giving WW all the biblical reasons for reconciling and turning away from her present course. Not sure how WW is going to take this, but our friends dont really care. They are disgusted by her behavior. It will be interesting to see if they can have any effect on her or not.



"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram

Yesterday morning I was reading the newspaper. I always read Billy Graham's column that appears in my local paper. Here is the column......
"Q: My wife and I are legally separated, and it's about broken my heart (she was the one who demanded it, and now she's living with another man). I firmly believe God wants us back together but she won't even talk to me. I feel like I'm at a dead end, and I don't know what to do. Is there any hope for us? — G.H.


A: Dear G.H.,
Humanly speaking, there may not seem to be much hope—but there always is with God. Jesus once said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God" (Luke 18:27).

Perhaps you've heard people say, "When all else fails, then pray." In one way, it's not very sound advice; we ought to pray first, not after we've tried everything else! But it still came to mind when I read your letter, because even when no other avenue seems open to us, God has still given us the privilege of prayer. The Bible says, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" (1 John 5:14).

Does this mean if you pray enough God will definitely restore your marriage? I wish I could promise that—but to be honest, I can't. Your wife has apparently turned her back on God and allowed herself to become entangled by Satan's lies, and his hold on her may be very strong. But I pray not."

In the meantime, keep praying, and do whatever you can to let your wife know of your love. If you also were at fault in some way, confess it to God and seek His forgiveness—as well as your wife's. Most of all, trust Christ for your future, and keep trusting Him no matter what happens.

Well, the light bulb went off in my head when I read it and I felt I was being led by God to leave this column underneath the note pad that WW uses to communicate with me about the dogs. She always leaves a note telling me she walked them and whether or not they would eat or not. Dont know why she does that but she does. There is no other communication between us at this time.
Anyway, I left the paper. I thought that I might get an angry response from her in regards to it. But, I get home last night and she has left me another dog note, and the paper is moved but still on the table. I know she had to see it, and knowing the curious nature of women, likely read it as well. No response, angry or otherwise. I think it is likely that she is really chewing on this now.
I dont know why, but throughout my prayer and meditation on this, I just dont see us being divorced. If I am wrong about this, it will hurt, but with the strength provided to me by our Lord and Saviour I will be fine. I just cant see it at this time, even as things appear to be very dark.


"you gotta have a good imagination,
if you are gonna live a life of hope."
Jack Ingram