My husband and I have been going through some tough times as you can see from my past post. We are trying to work things out but SHE keeps calling my husbands cell. As you can see in my last post I spoke with her last week and her husband. She, during that conversasion,told me she would prefer to not hear from me or my husband again (fine w/ me) so I have not contacted her or her husband. and I know from cell records my husband has not contacted her(by cell anyway). But on Sat. the 28th she called his cell at 4:10a.m. and at 4:12 a.m. My husband and I both knew it was her because she blocked the number. My husband shut the phone off but I turned it back on to see if she would call back. Their sign before to call each other was to call then hang up and when it was "safe" the other was suppose to call back. Well she did call back at 4:35 a.m. and I answered the phone. I asked why she would be calling and she, believe this one, said i need to talk to you (meaning me!!!!!!!!!) O' I forgot to mention when she called earlier she left a voice message, "I miss you!" Anyway I told her she did not need to call my husband and if she felt the need to call me why she did not call my phone (she could not remember my number). She asked if I had talked to her husband and I said yeah when I thought something was going on with you and my husband. She then tells me that her husband says that I am beautiful (mind you, I have never met either one of these people)She told me she had hoped that she and I could talk and be friends since she and I are going through the same thing!!!!!! How stupid does this girl think I am??????? Anyway I told her NEVER call my husband again and if you want to talk to me, then call my phone, not my husbands!!!!!!! She asked that I not tell her husband because he would be mad. Now I think to myself, if she was calling to talk to me, why would her husband be mad? Later that day at 3:19 p.m. she called posing as her daughter saying not to tell the husband because he would be mad. Now I knew it was her and not the daughter because I know both of their voices. But where she messed up is she said " I am sorry for calling your wife" I have not heard from her or the "daughter" since that day but I really think I should tell her husband because she is always telling him that it is my husband calling her not her calling him. this woman is driving me CRAZY!!!!!!!!! I want to move forward in my marriage and so does my husband but she just won't stop. What do any of you suggest I do about this? My husbands cell # got changed so if I see her number calling or his calling hers then I know I was made a fool of. But right now I can check my husbands phone calls to the day and there has not been any made or received since the change. Any suggestions from anyone??

Ignore her but keep a record of her calls/harrassment. By staying involved with her, you're giving her what she wants. For some reason she can't let go.

Change your phone number to an unlisted number so she'll know you're serious about ending this relationship. Whatever happens between her husband and her is their problem. Keep telling her husband what she's up to does nothing but keep the four of you involved.

Has your husband written a No Contact letter? If he has and obviously she's not listening, it may be time for your attorney to write a letter. Until she knows it's serious, she'll keep on.

Keep detailed records of her contact and conversations, it may come in handy if the police need to be called because of harrassment. Nothing can end a relationship better than seeing the op as a nut and it seems as if she's well on the way of establishing that fact.

The best thing you can do is refocus your attention on repairing your marriage instead of her actions. If your husband turned the phone off, you should have left it off. Don't participate with her in reopening the wounds created by this relationship. It will be easier to recover if you eliminate her from your lives.

The NO Contact letter is always a good idea if it has not been done, just as a way of reinforcing boundaries and not as a threat. It helps each other understand expectations.

I agree with making the numbers unlisted and changing the numbers to where she can't obtain them. Then at least you know she won't be contacting you.

If your husband is truly trying to do the right thing you will know by his actions. You want to eliminate this woman as much as possible from your life and work on your mariage.

I disagree with jph's comment that by calling her husband you are prolonging the involvement. As I see it, you need to show her and her H that you and YOUR H are of one mind in protecting your marriage.

You are not obligated to obey her "do not call my husband" commandment. Rather, since you husband has sent a "no contact" letter, and she has breached that boundary, it's ridiculous to adhere to the OW's double standard.

She can call your H in the wee hours of the morning, after being warned off, but you can't call her husband and let him know that his cheating wife won't respect the No Contact letter? Huh?

It would be better still if your husband would join you in making the call to the husband, united. You ought to be disappointed in your husband if he refuses to do this.

The FOW has upped the ante. She has stepped on the line you and your husband drew in the sand, and then warned you not to protect your boundary. Also, I agree you must keep records in case it comes to having a Restraining Order issued or involving other authorities.

I want to thank those of you who did reply to this post. i have many friends helping me through this but it is nice having outsiders looking in also. I will keep track of phone calls to the cell (should not be anymore since the cell # has been changed). If she ends up with it, I know how she got it!! As for the house, it is unlisted, but we were going to get insurance through her for our business, so she now has the #. I dodn't think she is stupid enough to call here, but who knows, she said she thought we were frinds( funny!). I have not heard from she or her husband since my last call to him about her calling at 4 in the morning. My husband now leaves his phoone in the house, leaves the ringer on and does not go outside to answer the phone. I look back at these things he use to do and think how stupid am I. These were the biggest hints and I didn't catch on. Probably because I never thought it was this involved. I received our last phone bill a couple days ago and there are so many calls to and from her. I have been keeping somewhat of a daily log on my husband since April and when I got the bill I compared phone records and days. There are times when I was at track meets, special kid parties ect. that I was at and he was gone but was talking to her. I get so angry when I see what he was doing while I was with the children. I so want to let this go but I need for him to be completely honest with me, but in my gut feeling I know there is more than what he is willing to talk about. When I ask him things abou the affair he just says "hun, I am here, if I did not want to be then I wouldn't be". I am scared to keep pushing, afraid of pushing him away, but for me to heal this void I need these things. Does anyone have advise on how to deal with this? Thank you all, this is a great site and I am glad I found it!!

Read the section about How Affairs Should End. Your husband needs to give you complete access to anything of his regarding contact and answer any questions you ask. Otherwise it just goes underground, and the tentative feelers go out, and it grows again, like weeds.

Glad you found help here. This is a terrible thing to go through alone.