We got to talking last night and I old her that I have done everything in my power to help her and that I can longer try to fix this without her helping also. I told she has decision to tell me what she whats, and guess what she wants. She feels that only a divorce will make her happy. I don't hate my wife, but she is making it hard to love her now. She has cheated on me before and I took her back, she was great for about a year and then she started staying out all the time and seeng her friends. I kept up the faith that she wuld stop the mess sometime, but it only got worse. In April of this year, she done the greatest thing in the world, she gave my nephew a kidney. Now she is leaving, and taking my heart with her. It may be wrong, but I still love and care for her. She will never be happy because she is not being true to herself. There will never be anyone to treat her the way that I have: cook,clean, iron, laundry plus all the outside housework. I did it all and she no longer appreciates that. It's 5am and she has been out all night and I hope that she is safe and wondering what she has done. She has only made me a stronger person and everone tells me that out there is a better person for me, even she said that. That tells me that with all the trying that I did, she had made up her mind long ago.
In closing please pray for me to go on, and for her to have happiness, but she doesn't know what that is.

We are both in similar situations...our STBXW's will not truly realize what they had until they lose us.

I must admit, my STBXW has helped make me a better person in other ways. It just HURTS to have to give up a relationship that, by OUR own admissions, had nothing wrong with it except for her affairs and (unstated in words, but stated by actions) desires for more of them.

Perhaps our STBXW's lack the self-esteem of normal women and can only fill that "hole" by validation of their "beauty" by having me f!@k them? It's twisted and sick...isn't it? I would tell her regularly that she was the MOST beautiful woman in the world, but I don't ever think she believed me.

It was true...not anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Some women just want men who are @$$holes...were we TOO good to them...is there such a thing? I don't know...

I certainly hope that most women aren't like our STBXW's...I am very saddened by BOTH of our plight's, but I am hopeful for the future of finding someone like STBXW who will remain faithful.

I hope you find peace...I really do

WNB

The STBXW's...I don't think they deserve any peace...they will reap what they sow by endless ONS with that "high caliber" of man (single and married) that hang out in bars looking for women like them.

It's really sad...

She called me a little while ago and is at the house getting some clothes. She said that she would be there tonight to talk. I guess she wants to talk about what she wants. I told her that I still love and care for her and that this was her decision, not mine. At this point, it would take God, Himself, to carry her back to me. She has done me wrong time and time again. Her family still loves me tho and I know that in the long run, family is family. So, I'll talk with off and on to see what she has in her mind. This was the first bit of remorse she has shown. The only way now is for her to totally change her life and give into God. Until she does she will not find that long lost happiness that she is so looking for.

I'm sorry that you have joined the ranks of us BS's that are M to multiple A cheaters. I truly believe it would be easier on us if they had 1 A and truly feel in love w/the OP..We might be able to accept that..but, knowing that someone we love(d) is so empty, searching for a way to lessen their pain in the WRONG way..is just heart breaking...We try so hard to help them see that they are going about "fixing themselves" in all the wrong ways....Yet, they shut us out. We absorb so much pain of theirs and ours - and we go on to try and heal ourselves.

If she's staying out till 5:00 am - that is trouble..and for your own sanity it's probably best that she does move out..At least once she's gone you won't know exactly what she's doing..Sitting at home waiting for them is very difficult. Out of sight out of mind helps when they disrespect you enough to do what they want no matter how it affects you..My WH has been staying out till 2 - 3 I use to pace waiting for him - I have finally gotten over that I'm getting to the point that I don't care when he comes home..But, if he didn't come home till the next day - I'd probably be in histerics..

B-4 she actually moves out you may have to lay it on the line..Letting her know what your boundaries are...and I'd darned if I'd cook, clean, do her flippin laundry while she was staying out till 5 am...I stopped doing just about everything for my WH a year ago..It hasn't helped - but nothing else has either. It least I'm not catering to him like I use to..If you wanna act, be, single..then I'll treat you that way..

You may have to read up on the 180 - to get her to "see the light"..

Hugs my friend - I hope it gets better for you one way or the other..I do give your WW credit for at least leaving - I can't get my WH to leave...

Between you, Cruz and I, it's scary how we have found these emotionally unstable women who are CAPABLE of faithful, loving relationships, but that "fishhook" for tawdry and sleazy behavior won't come out of their character because, on some level, THEY LIKE IT!!

I can't remember if you said whether or not you have kid(s).

Luckily we do not...we have done everything (financial and otherwise) except the state-mandated waiting period and the following D paperwork before we finally sever our lives.

I am with you...it would take a near-Miracle for me to even consider taking her back.

I still have SOME hope, but it isn't a lot...

May your burden rest lightly upon your shoulders...

WNB

ITHURTS,

Minor TJ...

There is at least ONE woman out there who has her "poop in a group"!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Chin up...we'll make through our repsective trials!

WNB

No, we don't have any children, only dogs. Those she can have once she finds a place of her own that will allow dogs. She doesn't know what she wants. But I'll be alright. She said that she would be coming over tonight to talk. I would guess to talk about what she wants and what I want in the settlement.

Trying to keep the faith.

Well to add a little more...I just hope and pray that when she's out running around, nothing happens to her, disease or pregnancy. Even with all she's done, she don't deserve that kind of mess, no one does. She will find out that love is not cheap and that every guy out there only wants one thing.

How old are you two???

When she comes over to discuss splitting things up - don't be too easy...She needs to pay for her freedom...let her feel alittle bite in the butt...

As for not wanting harm to come her way - that's very mature of you..I use to have that mind set - now, I'm getting to where I don't care..You can't continue to hurt people, use them, lie, deceive, etc. and expect God to just keep looking the other way..There are times though that I feel since WH has been doing this for God knows how long - that he is being punished - he is paying the price - just in a different way..He's empty..his friends/family use him for money..he hasn't found a single woman yet..and I wonder how much crap has happended that I DON'T KNOW about...For all I know he could have an STD..That's his problem..not mine..I don't care..You'll get there too - if she continues after she moves out stay in touch w/you especially since you will have the dogs for awhile and plays w/you..You'll get to the point of seeing her in a different light..someone you use to know is in there - she just won't come out..

Well,if she runs into my WH or a man like him- yup - he's after one thing...and also to destroy her emotionally...and there out there...waiting...for weak,needy, woman..

Hugs Babe...

WHnBH - Yep - I'm getting better - It's slow but it's coming.
What does "TJ" stand for - Thank Jesus?????

I'm 29, she's 27. I hope that the Lord leads her into His sight. She needs all the help she can get. Too many people have given her good advice and she has only taken the bad advice and not try to solve the problem but to take the easy way (her mindset) out. Even this way people are hurt. Her own family said that if I need a place to stay to just come on up. At least they still love me, and they know that I have never hurt her, can't and won't.

TJ = Thread Jack. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I agree with ITHURTS...don't make it easy. When my STBXW moved out, I kept the majority of household stuff...no real pains for me.

I did buy her some things...I actually helped her move also, which in hindsight was not a good idea. If your WW wants to move out, let her get it done on her own.

Be prepared for a very sad time while you are separating your lives. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> Just hang in there!

ITHURTS...if your WH was in the military and heading for the Land of Booze and Cheaters, there are PLENTY of women over there who will lose their morals and their undies in a flash after a drink or two.

Morally weak women with low self-esteem (my STBXW) are prime targets for sociopathic self-absorbed male sex addicts (your WH)...I lived that nightmare.

Psycho's like that should NEVER get married OR reproduce!

I did buy her some things...I actually helped her move also, which in hindsight was not a good idea. If your WW wants to move out, let her get it done on her own.
Actually, it IS a very good thing to do.
It is part of Plan A (which is supposed to leave a good imprtession of you when you go into Plan B).
She remembers you helped out, EVEN when she was screwing you over & over. That cannot hurt at all.

Even tho she says that she'll not be a part of my life afterward, at least nite, she will soon see that I will still be very much in here life and mind. You don't spend 10 years with someone and forget the good and bad times. The memories will always be there, forever. The funny thing is that she does not really know what she wants.

When she came over last night, we didn't talk very much about this only writing bills. Maybe my mom is correct, she doesn't want to a wife. She wants all freedom of being single, but still have a house to come into whenever she is ready. Well when she left, gave her a hug and she stsrted crying. So now maybe she's got some mixed feeling about this, I don't know. But she did seem at least a little remorseful for all this. I hope that Lord has started to deal with her. I can only guess. My counselor said that this is more likely a game and to be careful not to show any sign of giving in to her game, but to show her that counsel does work and to be happy. Hey, I still worry about her.

Have you read, Surviving An Affair" or anything else for that matter?

I'm reading His Needs Her needs, messy spirituality, and a book by John Hagee and his wife What every man/woman wants... they have helped me, but she needs to read these also. I have been alot of writing in my journal the passt couple of days. Her father seems to think that she just needs a little room and time to think. Also she needs to let the Lord work in her life. She's a good person, but she is just really in need of help.

but she needs to read these also
Yes, but you should not be trying to educate her.
The best way to do it is for you to learn and then show her thru your actions.

Those are good steps you are taking but they assume you are in at least a semi-healthy relationship where both want to work on it.
A wayward spouse is a totally different animal than "normal".
"Surviving An Affair" will help you to see the mindset of a wayward spouse and also how to deal with her.

I know that right now she is miserable. I have a team of people helping me to deal with all of this. She has not even made contact to her family. Her family is highly into church. That's why she hasn't, she knows that they are only going to give her good advice.

Well we had dinner last night to discuss the splitting of the bills. She is adament in not coming home and proceeding to paperwork. So I guess that truely is her discison. She hasn't went out since she left, so now she's doing what I was doing, staying home. Her mom told her to not do anything rash and to really think acout this. Well, I feel that she has thought about this for a long time already and maybe this really is God's answer. She stayed long enough to donate a kidney and since then we went down hill. She still won't be happy, but she won't be married either.