Hello,

I received a ring from my boyfriend it is a blue topaz with diamonds on the side. Very nice, kinda big stone not for every day wear which is fine. I thought is was odd for him to give me this style of ring because we have talked about my likes and dislikes in stones and this stone never came up. Again thought it was odd but don't want to say "why did you get me this ring?" It is beautiful!

Well we were looking thought old pictures of his and I happen to notice this ring on a past girlfriends finger. He tried to past by it fast but when he left the room I went back and sure enough its the ring. Now it all makes cents to me. I wanted to get the ring and throw it at him but I controled that urge.

I have not said anything to him about it but I really don't want to wear this ring. It was meant for someone else not me. Am I making a big thing out of this? He is such a wonderful man and I really don't think he meant to do anything to hurt me. But I would be lieing to say I wasn't hurt and I know I have to say something to him. I just don't know what and how to do it.

Need advice!

I too, received a ring from my husband, before we were married. It hadn't been in the posession of someone else, but I believe it was a gift intended for another woman, as he had several other gifts he had intended for her, but gave them away to various lady friends when he discovered that she had no intention of dating him once her divorce was final as she had promised him previously.

I wore it off and on for a bit of time and gradually increased the time inbetween wearings until I was not wearing it any more. It didn't fit quite right and I had made various comments to that effect along the way - so he never questioned it's "disappearance". I actually wound up losing it when I marrried him and moved into his home and it's never been mentioned since.

Lynda --
I personally would return it. And I would tell him exactly why -- that you saw the picture and it was obviously intended for someone else.

Was this gift for a special purpose like a birthday or holiday? Or did he just give it to you for no particular reason?

...Well we were looking thought old pictures of his and I happen to notice this ring on a past girlfriends finger. He tried to past by it fast but when he left the room I went back and sure enough its the ring. Now it all makes cents to me. I wanted to get the ring and throw it at him but I controled that urge.


That is soooooo female, makes me laugh. For the guy makes perfect sense to reuse the ring, why not, is his, and no longer has any relevance to former girlfriend...in fact he "repossed" it, further making it clear is done. But here you are dithering all about "meanings", and secretly investigateing the picture to be sure, and wanting to throw it at him....cause you see this all differently. Is so funny, belongs in a mars/venus book.

However, having said all that, I agree with you, was bad taste to give it to you, but not for the reasons you think. His "fault" lies in the fact he has such a poor understanding of women, he committed such a heinous act...I can assure you I wouldn't have done so, nor would any man who has even a basic understanding of women....your "reaction" was entirely predictable. But as well I am inclined to feel somewhat similar with a personal item like that....IMO though, the best way to deal with such things is "honesty", he should have told you he likes you alot, has a ring he would like to give you, but needs to talk about how he happens to have the ring, and whether that would influence your accepting this gift. That would have won major points for honesty, conversation, and concern for your feelings.

Rather than throw it at him, if he is worthy and you think "trainable", I think telling him the above may be more productive...and less likely to result in a "defensive" fight that accomplishes nothing...and assures him, you have some motivation to understand how and why guys do things, and not chastise him for acting like a typical guy.

it is predictable, lexxy and rest of gentler sex will fall in line with you... I am enjoying this thread, it so clearly shows that women are the source of relationship glue...and that is a mighty good thing I think.

I think it once again falls into a communication and honesty issue. I agree with you Knight!

If he had presented the ring to you and told you it was in his possession for "such and such" reason and he'd like you to have it -- it could be your decision on whether or not to accept it.

The reason I asked about the occasion -- I want my SO to actually THINK about me and my interests in selecting a gift. It is really offensive to think he just grabbed this used thing to get out of the process.

Now you have the opportunity to employ good communication and honesty tactics.

Knight -- curiously, how do you think a man would respond to having a gift returned because of the reasons above?

The ring was for no special occasion!

knight50- your response is exactly how my mind went when I was thinking clearly. I think you are totally correct in how the mans mind thinks but.... my heart is still hurt by this because in my way of thinking I wanted him to go to the jeweler looking for something I would like and not something he had in his draw. I can't help but think was this her birthstone?

The meaning for me is gone I guess because I don't feel special. I know he would be really hurt to know this because he as Knight50 said is a man who was thinking like a man (a not very smart one) I feel like maybe I am making more out of this than should be. (typical women)

He just called me and asked if I was mad at him for any reason. Not as good at hiding my feels as I thought. I just don't want him thinking I'm insecure or acting ridiculous.

No no no, honesty is the best policy, you absolutely should tell him your "feelings", how else is he to learn about women and you...but do so in good way, and maybe not necessarily that you hoped for a special ring (that is shakey ground, such things should not be asked for so much as looked for as a sign of deepening connection). But telling him the rest is essential....plus he probably has a suspicion if he has any sense at all. Tell him you aren't mad per se, but are distressed, tell him why, and then ask him for his FEELINGS, not about your distress, but why he chose this gift this way for you. Maybe you will get lucky and he will actually talk about his feelings, so the whole ring thing becomes a real benefit.

You should not be good at hiding feelings, that is not gonna get you a good relationship...right? At least he asked, and that is a good thing. Nor are you making more than you should, your feelings are your feelings, don't deny them, just sort em out in a healthy way...gets easier with practice.