I am a frequent poster on the Recovery board though the only true receovery I am sure of is my "personal" recovery.

It is a long, sad story and I won't bore you with the details... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

One of my R buds suggested that the Plan B can be a "practice" D and it is very much turning out that way.

I am starting to realize that the chance of my WH having an effective rectal-craniectomy are slim and that I need to move forward....

This revelation is liberating somehow, but also sucks soooooooooo bad!! I never wanted this for my life or my children's lives. I never imagined that WH and I would not be the ones who "made it".

I also know that after two As (maybe 3), the last (2?) of which is NOT done yet, that I simply cannot do this anymore.

I am an intelligent, beautiful, caring person who has been drug to he77 by this man and I am tired of being there!! KWIM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

So how is this? Is there life after D? I mean, I know the answer to that, of course, but what am I looking at here?!

I Md young and never had any intentions of being less than that... a "happily Md W" but obviously there are other things God has in store for me.

Are any of you happy and at peace for letting go and cutting out the "growth" that was your dying M? How long does it take to feel "normal"?

I am still so sad and angry, but I am also learning that I can do this! With those three children depending on me, failure is not an option..

Guess I just wanted to pop in... I will never fully be free of the recovery board, there are some awesome people there who have been there through it all... but I also find myself triggerng and hurting, at times, when I see those that are doing so well and I long for the same... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I wouldn't begrudge one of them any of the happiness for a sec, so please don't get me wrong... just kinda floating around to see where I may fit best...

Hi TNT,

I got to the same point myself. It took a long time, a year of me knowing about the on going affair of my now X. He also had one prior to this latest one.

He just married her this past Friday. They have been together now for 3 years, we have been D'd 1.5 yrs.

We married at 22, were married for a total of 18 years.
We have two daughters 14 & 11.
Is that what I ever wanted for myself or my children? Absolutely not!
I felt very much shame in the whole divorce thing. Even though it was him having the affair, it was still very shameful for me.

Fast forward to now. I can say, while it's still not what I ever wanted for my girls, or for myself, I'm okay with it.
Am I happy?? I'm happy with life in general. I wish I were still married, but at the cost of living the triangle life, and not being first to him? No way!
For me, being divorced is much better than not being the only woman for my husband. It took me awhile to get there, but once I did, that was it.

So, I think that yes you will find happiness. As far as normal, hmmm, I don't know. It's a new normal.
You find strength within your self, and that's a positive.

Take care of yourself. You will find there are some pretty great people over here too!

Karona

Thanks... your reply made me sad... I cannot imagine MY WH Md to that wh**e!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Still, I agree, I am not his first choice (anymore) and certainly not his "only"... I am not an option, I am (was) his W!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Thanks again... I am sory to see all the sadness, but I am looking for a ray of hope! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I didn't mean to make you sad, or be negative.

I'm sorry for that!

I was only trying to say, that I had to come to a point myself where I couldn't live like that anymore.

When I was where you are today, I couldn't imagine it all either. It tore me up to think of them together, and spending time with our girls, that really bothered me.

I remember my youngest coming home from there, and down playing the whole event. Like it was terrible......but yet, I knew it wasn't. She was trying to make it easy for me.

But, time does help, and the fact that he did get married Friday, (with the exception of the fact that it was our daughters birthday) really didn't bother me.

You have to come to all of this in your own time.
I wasn't trying to say you should get out, divorce, or anything of the sort. I was giving my situation, and the way I felt and dealt.

This is such a touchy subject because everyone is so different, and there is such a period of time when you want your life to stay as is.
I understand that totally, and I hope I didn't offend or upset you in anyway.

Take Care,
Karona

... and a big ole 'HOWDY!' right back at ya, TNT RN. Sounds like you're from the BIG State of TEXAS. Y'all.. yep, it's local lingo...
I am sorry for your sitch with your husband. Sad. Really sad, it's things like that brings us all here.
I know all of our divorces were different, I can only speak for myself.. it only took me a few months to get over 'her' (my ex wife, that is) but it's been nearly 7 years (my D-Anniversary is this month!) and I miss sometimes what could have been - our lives WITH our children - however, she busted all that to tiny pieces when she did what she did.. and the hurt goes on.. sometimes you just don't feel it, it's not easy when the WS wants to be mean and vindictive about things with the intent to hurt you as much as possible in every single way she possibly can.. however, the hurt does fade over time. How much time? Depends on the person - we all have different lives and situations.
However, you are already 'one up on the game' - you are here on MarriageBuilders and that is something I didn't have when I was in my own Divorce Recovery.
I wish you the very best and healing from this hurt you have now.
God bless.
Harold

Actually a bit further east, but I am a southern gal! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Karona, please do not feel bad... I just felt this incredible sadness for you... as much as I am detaching, it is very hard to picture MY H Ming the OW!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Harold, I agree... my WH broke every bit of my love and our lives to pieces, even after I tried to glue them back after the first A!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

He is already starting to react to realizing he has lost me... and it is gonna get ugly, cause when he is hurt and angry, he is mean! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Thanks guys! I appreciate the welcome.