I am giving my WW until August to come clean but I am already making my plans. I talked with a female D attorney yesterday. I was informed that if the D might get ugly then a man needs to hire a female D attorney. People say that judges will let a female D mix it up more with the WW than a male attorney. She seemed very competent and had some very enlightening answers.

She informed me that my situation was very typical. She said that 95% of the D's that she has handled over the last 20 years boiled down to two things. Either the husband shut his mouth or the wife shut her legs. There is always a dispute as to who did it first and it is really a chicken and the egg thing as to who did.

She said that she usually counsels her clients to give it another try absent on-going A, physical abuse or severe mental abuse. She counsels the men to go home and talk to their wife constantly. Tell them everything about your day in boring detail, ask them everything about their day, tell them about your thoughts on subjects that come up and try to be a more fun person to be around. If that does not show results in two or three months then file the D as there is probably something broke that cannot be fixed.

She said that she counsels the women to go home and to iniate sex at least twice a week if not more. To do it no matter if you want to or not or no matter what your husband does( if there is no A, physical or mental abuse). If he does not start meeting your needs after that then cut him loose. She said that she has had surprising results of success in avoiding D in both situations. During the next two months, I am going to follow her advice.

Her stories seem to match most of the stories on this board. Why do men lose interest in their wives lives after they marry? Why do women lose interest in having sex with their husbands after they get married? This does seem to be the trouble in most marriages. If we could figure this situation out then the D rate would drop. Maybe this is just how we are wired as people and there is nothing you can do about this. Maybe this is the way things will always be even if people acknowledge the problem. It just seems frustrating that we all fall into this trap and just continue to get and married and divorced like an assembly line. Just my rambling thoughts.

The sex thing ... women need LONGER and more varied interesting foreplay the longer the marriage .... and the older the woman ~LOL~

Men... you paying attention?

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Bob - I'll add that making love to a woman is an all day job. It may start in the morning and doesn't "climax" until way after the sun goes down.

WAT

I'm a woman...but I believe men do as well. Just to keep things interesting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Women, pay attention!

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

whaaaaaa

like wearing a tiara during sex?

hmmmmmmmmmmm?

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Exactly! You read my mind! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ok ladies, as soon as you start telling us what you want in language WE can understand, and you stop trying to fix us (makes us feel like little incompetent boys) then I guarantee you that this man will have the confidence to both woo you all day and rock your world all night.

But nagging, complaining, correcting certainly gets me out of any romance mood.

T
Who knows that when I hear the words "We gotta talk" it really means "We gotta talk about what YOU are doing wrong."

unfortunately ... you are all too often correct!

and when a woman says she wants her H to express his "feelings" she usually does NOT mean she wants to hear bad stuff about her ... OH NO .... she only wants his feelings to express positive happy feelings about her ... I was/am guilty...

I surrender...

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, had to chime in on this one.

QUEENS/GODDESSES wearing tiaras are "not into talking". NO TALK, JUST ACTION!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Excellent way of describing it!

I pay close close attention to this at my house. Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm sorry. I disagree Mimi.

I AM into talking even though it is sometimes painful to hear. Had an experience in just the last two days. I've learned to listen to the negative.

Hearing it does me good because I am then even more determined to change my behavior, to show that I can...or explain my behavior. In doing so, I sometimes realize my behavior is not based on good reasoning.

And we all end up happy.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I am the author of nine Romance novels.

Romance novels are all about Courtship.

What do women want?

They want Courtship.

Courtship = anything that makes a woman feel safe, comfortable and happy when she is with her man -- or, more importantly, when her man is away but she can STILL feel safe, comfortable and happy when thinking of him and their relationship.

My last book dealt with exactly this theme and addressed all three aspects.

This has been a public service for today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Mulan

Susan:

Sorry this wasn't clear. I was just kidding!

I definitely agree with you.

You probably know by now I'm definitely into talking-ad nauseum really- and yes, about feelings!

My sons: "Why do you always have to ask/talk about feelings?"

Hopefully, teaching them to be great HUSBANDS...

See, this is the type of discussion that can be helpful from both sides. What I am hearing from the ladies is that they may lose interest in sex with their H's because the H's do not evolve sexually and do not do the things necessary to hold their W's interest. It appears that the ladies feel that the men do not work on the courtship, the pursuit, the seduction and the extended foreplay as they should. These are the things that most men naturally do not get into all of the time but you would think they would due to their preoccupation with sex. This is the way we are wired but it causes severe problems in the M. It appears that the women feel this lost interest is understandable and may even be excusable.

On the reverse side, the men lose interest in the W because they have heard all of her stories about her life, her family, her friends and most of her thought patterns. It seems that the women do not evolve in their communication skills and this causes lost interest by the H. They love to communicate and discuss but they do not evolve to communicate and discuss things that the H is interested in like sports, cars, hunting, fishing or other male topics. Do men also find the the W's lack of evolution causes their lack of interest to be understandable and maybe even excusable.

This appears to be a serious problem that may be too engrained and impossible to get by for most of the population. What can people do to overcome genetics? Just some more thoughts and ramblings.