Post deleted by flyer

Flyer, I am none too wise, but I do know about affairs and your situation is TEXTBOOK. Especially the part about never being in love with you. It is typical for the WS to rewrite history in order to rationalize their affair. Also, affairs are more like infatuations or fantasies, and while she is under the influence of a fantasy, a normal marriage will seem inferior.

But, don't worry! The infatuation will wear off as she goes through withdrawal. The best thing you do to facilitate this is to meet her needs as best you can, and DO NOT criticise the OM. As time goes on, she will begin to see the OM as he really is: a sleazy, faithless interloper who cared nothing for her marriage. But, she must come to this conclusion on her own.

The reason I posted your quote above is because I wanted to point out that this is when recovery really began. Recovery begins when contact ends so you have only been in recovery for 4 weeks. Contact is the greatest threat to your marriage, because contact means you cannot recover.

I am concerned about her committment to no contact, though. It doesn't appear that she has really committed to that at all at this point. Do you think she is committed to no contact now?

And the most important question: is this OM married? Have you done everything in your power to end this affair, such as exposing it to key people?

Post deleted by flyer

I agree with this analysis very much. Basically, you have already exposed to anyone in your lives that matter, but once she has agreed to nc, there is no need for further exposure.

Flyer, I think you are right on track with all of this and are doing a very good job. As it stands now, it is just a matter of time and withdrawal from the OM. And really, it doesn't matter now WHY she has committed to NC, once she gets out from under his evil spell, I bet she will become committed for the right reasons.

You sound like you have been through the ringer and I want to commend you for doing such a good job.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

Also, have you considered taking her for some nice, short day trips to reestablish your relationship? I say SHORT because she is still emotionally detached and would likely become anxious being alone with you for longer than that.