Back again.....
D Day was 12/20/04 when my WW finally admitted to having an affair with her coworker. This affair went on for quite some time, I guess in large part due to my trust in her going and being where she said she was.
During the holiday season we talked about all the things that led to this and decided that we would try and save our marriage. We read Surviving an Affair and went through the exercises in it. We had been doing well on the road to recovery, I thought, implementing changes in our behavior towards each other but knowing we still had more to go.
Well this past Friday night we went out together and were enjoying the evening. She stepped out to smoke a cigarette and was gone quite awhile. To make a long story short I eventually found out on my own that she had called the other man while she was out there. When I confronted her about this and that she had agreed to no more contact with him. She told me that the guy's brother was dying and she felt she needed to be there for him. Well at this I told her to get out and decide who or what she wanted out of this mess. That I could no longer let her stay at home if she was going to keep up contact with this person for any reason.
So know we are back to square one. She set up an appointment for us with an EAP professional from her work this past Wednesday. I knew it was a mistake at this point but agreed to go. She is, at this point not ready to talk about ways to improve our marriage. all she and the counselor wanted to do was hash up things from the past. the counselor told her that she needs to stop behaving like a child and that I needed to stop treating her as one for our marriage to work.(no kidding) that only seemed to stress both of us out.
She tells me she needs time to figure out how she has gotten things so screwed up and that she will decide what to do after that. She believes she will come back home, we'll see.
Am I going to have to wonder when this other man's next dilema shows up that she is not going to get sucked right back in and send us back to start?

The affair isn't over. As long as she maintains any contact, under any pretext, even if there is no sex, it is ongoing.
The "needs to figure out..." is another way of saying "need to find myself" and is a cover for "I want to see my lover."

Plan B, protect yourself, your love for her, and hopefully save your marriage. Sorry, I know it hurts.