Hello all,

First time post...hoping to hear from others on how things are going for me. History: 5 years ago I had a one night stand, no further contact after that night. Unfortunately, I waited 5 years to tell my wife, should have confessed much sooner. I have done everything necessary to stay with her, counseling, apologies, etc. Told her during a very rough time for her.
We've been married for 11 years. After confessing we decided to stay together, been a bumpy road. She had affair of her own, said she needed to lick her wounds and to hurt me. It ended 3 weeks ago after I confronted OM. I believe we are on a good path, but something she said last night threw me a little. We always prided ourselves on the incredible passion we shared. The kind that you have for someone that when they walk in the room, you just feel it, want to be next to them. She says she is worried since she doesn't feel that for me right now, and will it come back. Any ideas on how to help with this, or is it just time that will hopefully bring it back as she forgives and moves through stages? I would appreciate any comments.

I have a toolkit WS's. WAT has a quickstart for BS's. You and your wife are both. The link to mine is in my sig. WATs is in the Just Found Out forum. Suzet and Bob Pure have some posts as well.. but I hope someone can post the links for me. Read thru those and also read the information on this site.

that said... my greatest recommendation is to get your wife posting here as well. She will not get chastised. People will try to help her. And you.

Also... if the A just ended 3 weeks ago, what does 6 months refer to?

Take care and I hope you are able to rebuild your marriage. Welcome to MB.

Thanks for the help...6 months refer to when I told her about mine.

no problem. First.. I am not an expert sage around here. I am however, at around 6 months (a little past actually) so that is why I posted.

was hers a retaliation? It just ended 3 weeks ago yes? Has she committed to No Contact(refered to as NC here)? A key belief here is NC must be upheld. When you read, you will find the references to it. Some good books for understanding are Surviving An Affair, His Needs Her Needs, and some others. the book store here has them listed.

How is she doing? How are you doing? What kinds of things do you guys talk about?

sorry for all the questions, but the more people know about your situation, the more likely it is you will get good advice from the community.

take care

In answer to your questions, yes it was in retaliation, and she has committed to No contact and is upholding it so far, no cell calls, etc. They both agreed to end it after I confronted OM with her present (took some guts but glad I did it, at least I knew I was fighting for her). She is doing ok, she know why she did it and I guess at least for me I am happy she didn't go as far sexually as I did. I am doing ok I would say..some days I feel like I am going out of my mind, then others seem to just float by. I try my best to feel my emotions deeply and strongly and then move on with my daily life. We talk about the future and I really do believe we will make it. she is not ready to apologize for her affair but I think she will soon. That will not stop me from what I need to do. I think it is scaring us both that the passion part is not there, hoping it will come back with time.