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Joined: Oct 2004
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DanigirlinVA


H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr
Joined: Feb 2005
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Well you know what you have to do, you have to expose the affair to her husband.

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Oh God.

Did you ask her why she didn't tell her husband how she felt and ask for a divorce before she started an outside relationship? I'm so sorry, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

Sometimes I think the whole world is this sick. All I have to do is watch tv. it seems so accepted and glorified.

Be careful, I've gotten hurt in a situation like this; the affairees denied denied denied, and the Betrayed beleived them and blamed me!

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Danielle


H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
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((((((((((((Dani))))))))))))))))

That does suck. I get the feeling no one on earth understand this stuff, no one in my real life anyway, it's all fun and games.

*sigh*

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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No some of us just sleep. I don't think these fogheads know the difference between sleeping with someone and really sleeping. LOL!!!

Sorry this is hitting closer to home. Sad to say, sometimes our relatives c/b very disappointing. I got a few like that, want me to send them your way? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Just kidding. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

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Dani,
Do you have any sane support in real life? I can see why this has been so difficult for you. I am proud of you for not giving up on yourself and your kids. I give you a lot of credit for keeping coming back here to post. You know you are on the right track. Doing the right thing is not always the easiest thing especially if you have no one there to support you. I can't imagine not having my mom and my sister to fall back on.

Know that you are giving your kids a better life. You are showing them that you should stand up for yourself and stick to your beliefs. Your path is not an easy one. I truely believe you and your kids have a better life ahead. Its getting there thats the hard part.

Keep posting. Keep moving forward. Work on your personal recovery. Gather strength where you can.


aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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I'm coming with you Dani! I am sorry about your family and sick of the way things are going in society.Is there a land where people don't cheat on one another,don't lie,respect eachother,aren't selfish and out for their own pleasures? I don't know but I feel secure at my home so I may become a recluse.Who knows.

I think what will push me over the edge for good is if my In-Laws and SIL,etc accept the homewrecker into the family after the D is final.They have been telling me they wouldn't all this time but I still wonder.I'm glad I have my Mom for supprt.She isn't changing her mind which ever way the wind blows.

People really need some major education on this matter and we definitely need to bring back some serious changes in jurisprudence regarding Adultery.

O


BW(me)40 DDay 10/11/03 Divorcing 'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1 ~Let Higher Minds Prevail~ --------------- ~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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Dani, I am sorry.
I understand how you feel, people all around me keep having the most sordid affairs, and it drives me completely insane!

I think a lot of the problems people have with marriage come from the fact that some people are pathologically affraid of being alone, so they'll marry whoever asks them to without really realizing marriage is more than a fairy tale ending, it requires work, commitment, sacrifice, add kids to the mix, and you have yourself a life long mission.

Most of my friends aren't married yet, but all of them have this crazy idea that once you say your vows its all destined to be peachy keen and wonderful... I blame Disney! ;p

I also hear from a lot of people who KNOW someone who is cheating, but WONT tell the BS because "I just don't want to get in any trouble, sure, they should know, but why should I be the one who tells?".
What happened to the good ole anonymous letter to give people a heads up?


Someone throw me a map already!
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Dani,

I do hope you understand why I haven't posted -- it's certainly not for any lack of support or the very best good wishes. I feared for your safety, and was discouraged when I would voice a real concern about your children's well-being, and it would be followed by a post about how a brand-new Victoria's Secret nightie ought to do the trick.

Now that OW will think she is "winning," whatever that means in your sad circumstances, perhaps the risk of violence will go down. But believe me -- don't put it beyond them to give you small demoralizing psychological thumps so they can experience their triumph all over again and feel "real." They are small empty people who need this sort of meanness to feel big. I know about this from firsthand experience. Even after OW "won," I got all kinds of malice. If you withdraw from the mess as best you can, Plan-B style, eventually they will turn these tactics on each other.

Sorry for posting here -- wanted to keep my word not to post on the other.


"Virtue -- even attempted virtue -- brings light; indulgence brings fog." -- C.S. Lewis
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Quote
What happened to the good ole anonymous letter to give people a heads up?

Between the Unabomber and that whole anthrax thing, people have become more reluctant to open them, or if they haven't, they should be.

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Quote
What happened to the good ole anonymous letter to give people a heads up?

Between the Unabomber and that whole anthrax thing, people have become more reluctant to open them, or if they haven't, they should be.

Hehehe... theres that too


Someone throw me a map already!

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