Ok new post all. Here’s my new beef. I feel DSS has treated me like sh*t. As most know I found out about other child by answering door to paternity papers (from DSS).
Ok problem #1. When these stupid girls fill out these papers they are full of all these questions about were they, the mother and the father, married to each other or living together at time of conception blah blah blah. However I feel that some questions should be on there about whether or not this was an adulterous affair or was either party married at the time other then to each other? My reasoning being DSS should treat these situations a little different. I should not have received those papers. If DSS knew this was going to destroy a family they should have made sure those papers went directly to H. I know there is no right way to find out about an A or OC but I think it should have been my H who got that slap. Then it would have been him to tell me not some freaking papers from some woman I have never heard of explaining how she had a sexual relationship with my H and has a kid whom looks just like him.
Problem #2. I am his WIFE. Have been for 10 years. We have 3 children together. You would think that stands for something in the eyes of the world. Not with DSS. I have been told by DSS social workers that this situation and OC are none of my business. That this is between H and OW. That he should pay her well even though it will be causing my children to do without. And I mean do without possible food. Ok first off how is it none of my business? This is my entire life. My children’s entire life. Everything that comes out of this will effect me and mine directly and completely. This will decide if I divorce him or stay. This will decide if my children find out they have a sister. This will decide if and how I will provide for my 4 children. YET IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!! Then Thursday H went for paternity test. When they called his name I of course went to go with him. Rude [censored] social worker asked who I was? I responded I was his wife. Her exact words were “Well then you need to turn around and go sit back down. This does not concern you”. I felt slapped. I stood in the courthouse in front of about 25 people embarrassed and appalled. It took everything I had not to cry. I guess I didn’t do to well since a complete stranger walked up and gave me a hug. I feel that I had every right to walk back there with him and hear what his (being our) options are. I have every right to hear what and how this will all happen. I have every right to be apart of this entire process since I am his legal WIFE. How does an organization that promotes family treat someone in my situation like sh*t yet treats the living off of welfare, has no job but multiple kids by different men, doesn’t have any self respect whore like she’s a freaking queen? I feel that if they should treat someone rudely it should be her. She’s the one who got pg by a M man and is destroying an entire family because she’s looking for a free meal ticket. I have never been on welfare. I paid out the [censored] in taxes up to last year when I finally quit work due to a special needs child. But before that I worked hard for 20 years to pay for my children. Yet I feel as if I have done some terrible crime. Also ho did not show up for testing. DSS said she didn’t have to since she lives across state lines. But that they would get with her whenever she has time to give a sample. Ok so tax payers money and social workers are revolving around the ho’s schedule. I thought those papers stated him and her were to appear for paternity on a certain day. It did not say she did not have to appear because it’s a little bit of a drive. SO now here I am physically sick and they tell my H oh we will contact you sometime soon. How rude. Has anyone else had a time dealing with DSS? I know I am complaining to someone. Any suggestions on how or where to start an attack?
Oh also was told by social worker that I was wrong for not allowing OC into my home. Ok but it's none of my business but I should let OC in my home and care for her. Whatever.
Sorry so long. Tried to keep it short.

Girlfriend, I sooooo feel your pain. It is OUR business~I hate that crap....so far all the people I have talked to have felt sorry for me when I gave them the whole situation with me crying...I was able to get the information I needed. I don't know what to say......for my own comfort I got a small journal and keep writing a lot of quotes in it and when I am having a melt down I go and get it and it makes me feel better....also I have been reading the Purpose Driven Life....I don't read but its been a great thing....
I will give you some quotes....

Time heals nothing.
It is what you do with the time that matters.



Remember that it is better to
be healthy alone than sick with someone else.


There comes a point in time where you may
have to draw a line and say,
"That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you.
I will love you forever but,
I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions.
You just go do whatever you're going
to do because I'm NOT going
to live like this anymore."


Understand that your spouse
will forever have a relationship with
that child's other parent.
You have to make the decision
about whether you can
resolve to be part of that or not.

Best of luck...I will keep you in my thoughts.

DSS can kiss my behinde. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Yes, H and I had to deal with them last year concerning his OC who was taking away from XOW. Over all DSS wouldn't let H have OC temperary, they thought I would abuse OC cause he was from an affair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

SO bascially our home was a danger to OC, but safe for the 5 kids we have (2 of which are OC). Go figure.

OH my goodness. Just reading this brought back memories of that horrible day. I too went with my husband for his paternity test. When they called his name I went up with him. I was also asked who I was and I answered his wife. I was the slapped in the face when I was told I was not allowed in with him. I think I did just go to my car and cry before going to work. I don't think that there is anything in the world that could prepare someone for that type of treatment.

See ladies I refuse to be dealt with like that. The social worker (sw) could have at least been a little bit nicer. I mean she even looked hateful like I had done something wrong. I am the innocent wife struggling to deal with all of this and then they want to add it's none of my business. One sw told me the reason we the wives are not allowed is because to many fights have broken out. Ok then send me to jail if that happens. But do they think humilating and upsetting us is going to stop fights? I mean the OW was not present, so no one to fight with, second if she had been and they had done that to me with my emotions already shot I probaly would have knocked her one in the parking lot. I would have paid that 392.00 easily for that pleasure. Hell I've already paid an attorney 1500.00 for nothing but pain. I mean not all of us are trailer trash. I've even been to the OW house and spoken to her by myself. If I wanted to whoop her [censored] I would have done it in the comforts of her own home. I mean I would be doing on to others then since she slept with my H in the comforts of mine. But no I have not acted out for any reason so the sw had NO reason to feel I would act a fool. Not to mention I'm the one dealing with the attorneys and such not him. He had no clue what to say or do when by his self. I think we all need to start a mission on getting DSS to treat us in this situation with respect. If the kids came before us then fine it's none of our business. If they came during us then IT"S OUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!

When Xmm brought me to court to get rights to our daughter, my H was by my side. When we were called up, my H went right up with me. The judge asked who he was and was told. He said ok and went about the case. H was never asked to sit down.

I think it is bulls***, when it comes down to an OW and MM, the W is not invovled with any of it, has no concern or rights for the OC.

But if it is a MOW and MM, the MM is left out in the dust and the MOW H is to assume the responsibility for the OC. The courts don't want to break up the family unit <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I've never had to deal with DSS, however, what you need to remember is they have rules, regulations and laws they have to follow - - not that I agree. They (the employees), however have no right to be rude. They do however, have to follow the established laws - - it's their job.

The best thing you can do to prepare yourself in the future is to call and speak with the caseworker who's handling your H's case and ask her what needs to be done (sign a paper, ok on the phone from H etc), so that you may call and get information about the case and act as your H's representative.

You need to be stern, but polite. The old saying you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar serves itself well.

I wouldn't get myself in a twit because they wouldn't let you accompany him to get his mouth swabbed for the paternity test, although I'm not quite sure they could have denied you. Yes, it was absolutely rude for them to treat you this way. I personally would have been on the phone to a supervisor of the department and voiced my complaint calmly and explain to them that possibly they should come up with a more "sensitive" way to handle "sensitive" situations such as yours.

I'm surprised you were given the paperwork for the paternity suit? In this state they serve you with paperwork. They can't give it to anyone but the person being served.

When it comes to court, you have no choice. You are just the wife and you have no rights period when it comes to OC. They don't care whether you have handled all of the paperwork, paid the bills etc. etc. for umpteen years.

Choose your battles wisely.

crazymum
I know just from reading your post from previous. You said that h was an alcholic and into drugs but thats not what they used against you. But that you might harm the oc. I am sorry but if you read over what you said in past then you would realize you mix alot of stuff out. But I have to deal with cps three yrs ago and that is no reason for them to take a child I think you are tring to get people to feel sorry for you when your in no need of it.

At least DSS is a "secular" organization - I was treated in a similar manner at the "Christian" Pregnancy Help Center. I was told I could not go back with MY H and the OW to discuss options. WTH? ? ?

We had previously donated money to them but that stopped immediately!!!