I feel like I'm posting every other day on here lately, but as we get closer to getting the legal stuff done and C in our home, the emotions are everywhere.
What I was thinking about today is that I know H loves this new baby girl. I know he thinks she has blessed his life in some way (We wouldn't be doing so well had this Sh&$ not hit the fan I think). I keep thinking about my place in all this, and my children's. I know this will change nothing for his love for us, but I wonder if he'll feel a special connection with her. You know, like he'll have to give her more because she has less of him. I worry that he won't share his loving feelings for her with me if I don't feel the same (and I doubt I will). Right now I think she's a cute little baby and know my children will love her like they do their other siblings, but I don't know that I will ever feel she has blessed MY life. I could surprise myself, as I have surprised myself at times already.
Fr those of you w/contact, how does it feel when your all together. When the OC isn't there? Does H share feelings with you about OC? Does he treat OC different? Do you ever feel like you can never be a part of OC's and H's relationship, or just feel misplaced? Anxious to here some experience in this area. Thank you.

I am expecting my first baby right now, so I do not have children. H and I will also be D'ing soon, so I'm not sure how much help I can be to you. We do have C. I am able to spend a lot of time w/ OC and enjoy her visits. It was hard the first few times, but I got over that very quickly because she is a baby. H is able to share his feelings w/ me about her. I expect him to treat these two children equally, no better, no less. That is what I would expect of any parent. If H and I were together, I would do my best to treat OC the same as my D. when she is here. H depends on me to help him w/ OC a lot because he is a new parent. It has helped for us to both bond w/ her. I hope I've been of some help even though my situation is different than most!

H and I have C(visitation) and it's wonderful for us!
I love stepson/oc! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
He is apart of our family. He calls me MOMMA! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
And at daycare where I work and he attends he says "my momma".
Others freinds, family, and coworkers have noticed how close stepson/oc and I are,and when we sees me he tries to run to me even though he just learning to walk. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />[color:"purple"] [/color] I miss him when he's not with us.
We get along with his mother for his sake only.
IMHO With God's help contact is a blessing for us(H,I, and our KIDS)
We've handled the situaton as mature adults, and I look at the situation as being his stepmom not as him being an oc.
I find it's a much healthier way of handling the situation.
I always remember: CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING FROM GOD AND ARE INNOCENT <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I personally feel a child needs to know both it mother and it's father.
It's how we handle the situation as adults that make's the difference.
To answer your questions's:
When we are together (H,I, our kids and oc)we are one big happy family.
We(H&I) discuss our feelings about him just like we do our children.
HE is a part of our family and is treated as such.
We pray and gave the situation to God and that has made i huge difference to our live's.

Thanks Angel for your encouraging story. I really needed to hear a "happily ever after"story about C.

Thanks, Coldday fo starting this thread!

tryingtomakeitwork. Your very welcome <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

ColddayinJuly,

Hi there. We have C with OC although not very much. Maybe twice a week for a few hours or so. I thought in the begginning it would be hard to be able to accept the baby into my life but once he is around, it is ok. Its just the OW that gets to me. As for my H, he obviously has some resentment towards OC and I can't really see much love in his eyes for him. He tells me he feels like a babysitter more then a father. Now that our little one is here, I see a MAJOR difference between feelings of both OC and ours. Honestly when I know OC will be here, I get a sense of dread. I know that sounds TERRIBLE but it just happens. When we don't have OC, I feel so much happier. I think the reason why is when he is here OW has to make such a big deal out of everything. I just HATE having any connection with her and I know she thinks I am over-stepping my role in her eyes. I just don't want to know how it will be when he is older with things such as bdays and things <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />........ask any ?'s you would like! I'll be more then happy to answer!

H said the other night (w/o my prompting), "I don't think I'll be as close to OC as I am to (our girl)". I didn't say much but it made me feel better. I imagine how "close" he will be depends on OW. If she's stingy w/visitation, if she gets married someday and wants her H to be more involved, etc. If we do incorporate her into our lives more eventually, I guess it will be no different than w/our kids. I did ask H if he thought he would be "soft" on OC considering he won't see her as much, but he didn't think so. I guess he's good at spoiling all of our children, but always making sure the discipline is in place, so probably it won't be any different for OC. I just can't wait until a year or two from now when this will be less of an unknown and hopefully I will feel more secure in all of this. I wish it were like on "Deadwood" (this vulgar western on HBO that we watch). The OW backed off and a woman in the town found her a H, so she wouldn't have to embarass anyone. Eveyone knows, but no one talks about it. That's what I would prefer. I don't think us BW's should HAVE to leave our H's if they are now being the H's they should have always been OR that we should have to bear this embarassment for the rest of our lives to the world. That's how I feel. H has his guilt...but a beautiful child, OW has child of course and people only have to know if she tells them, and besides everyone rally's around the "poor single mother". All I'll get is a "Oh, I'm so sorry",or "you must be a saint" as they think to themselves "I could never do that", or "Glad it's not me!" I guess it's like I read in another post. I don't know what I can handle and I have given myself the option to stay or go at any time if I find it more than I can bear.

CD. We have had C w/ Baby A since the day he arrived. He is a gift in our lives and I don't think these fathers love either one of thier children more/less. They are in our hearts and there they will always be. Its has its ups and downs as far as OW goes, but pretty much goes smooth. I think and have said it for all along, that C must be a POJA first and then make it legal,do it from the beginning,(son't wait for years ect) and then learn to bend and biteyour tongue and swallow!! (For the dirty ones out there cut it out) KWIM! THere will be times when you are in public and someone asked "How old is YOUR child, or Is this your child?? Family, friends and sometimes strangers will ask you " ARE YOU CRAZY"?? But hold your head up and be the best step mom you can be. Keep a journal, get everything legal, then LIVE your life the way God intended for you to, being happy!!
Sunny D