Hi all,

I cannot reply to my own post says page cant be found. It looks like that is a typical problem of lately?

Yes I know why i had multiple affairs. 3 to be exact. The number one simple one is....selfishness. But, also because needs were not being met at all. After a period of time, he changed and did his best to meet my needs but by that time i really didnt care<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

And I really believe that is where he is at. He really doesnt care. And be patient? yes I am trying. Is it hard yes.. did i help ruin this relationship? yes. Do I take responsibility for my part in it? yes. Have I said so to him? yes. Does he accept that apology no.

Do i know he watches my every move? yes. And unfortuneatly he drifts further and further away. So, in a sense I have had to begin a "new life" meaning learning to be ME. Learning who I am, developing boundaries and meaning it. Just becuase I am unhappy and my needs are NOT being met in ANY fashion simple just doesnt give me permission to have an affair. Period. I am a new student and am working on a new job.

I really feel for my H, because he is so broken. So lost and I see him as severly depressed. He sleeps ALL the time and enver gets rest. He avoids me constantly which has to be exhausting to boot. Can he talk with someone? yes he has a elderly woman who is a friend who he can talk to but I dont know if he does. When he calls her it is usally when I am not here. He keeps his communications to his family to when I am gone in the evenings at my temporary part time job.

I really try to watch lovebusters. I reallyt ry to be uplifting and encouraging. Am I perfect? no, but i try to be uplifting and as supportive as possible. He reminds me daily of my imperfections, my families imperfections and that is tough to swallow and remain quiet and allow him to vent and not take it personally. Which is why I came here. NOt to complain but to beableto take it somewhere else that perhaps i can get some advice and helpful adivce at that.

I bought.....Love must be TOugh by Dobson, wonderful book. That is kind of where I am at in this relaionshp. Just kinda hanging back but being encourageing but non chalant too.

I guess I am impatient. I am tired too. I guess I kinda just wish it would swing one way or the other ya know? I have no interst in another relationship.

L4H-

I can relate to what you are feeling. I feel so angry at myself for what I did and I have told H time and again I will be here if he wants to discuss what I did. And, I will. But, he does not want to talk about it. He does not want to deal with any of it right now because he is too spent emotionally. I am trying so hard to give him the space he is asking for, but I am not a robot, I cannot just shut off my emotions. I am the opposite of him, I need to talk about things, but he only wants me talking to one friend (so even the chance to heal and talk it out is being taken away from me). But, he does not have it in him to talk with me right now. I feel like I am becoming a shell of myself. None of this is getting resolved and it is eating me up inside. I am getting so resentful feeling like I am the one trying to make up for what I did and work things out.

Then, I get upset because he does not show me understanding and remorse for what he has done. I need that so badly, but he says he is afraid I will just start talking and he cannot deal with that right now.

He can be so cruel and I truly wonder whether my H is still in there. I know I hurt him, but he also hurt me, and continuing to do so is not OK. He lashes out and he has admitted he does it on purpose. I wonder how he feels after he does it. Does he think,"Oh, that was a good one?" All I know is he is causing more damage now than his A ever caused. The A pales in comparison to what he is doing to me now.

I see such small baby steps, it is so hard not to get discouraged. He sometimes shows me that he understands what I have said and that means so much to me right now. Just a little bit of compassion and kindness is what I want...and if he cannot give me that, then atleast be civil and do not do anything else to make things worse. My sitch is a bit different in that we both had As and are both responsible for what happened to us.

I want you to know I can relate. We have made such a mess of our lives, but would still like to see some progress.