HI
I had a question i hope someone can help me with. My WH and i have been seperated for approx. 10 months, on and off. He has been having an affair for the whole 10 months. The last week the OW has dumped WH. He is blaming the whole thing on me. He is being very bitter and angry. How do I handle this. What should i say or not say to him. I don't know if there is any chance of us staying married now or not, I would like to work things out, but he always decided against no contact with OW, now she has dumped him because she found "God",, i really hope she is sincere and using "God" to make things she did seem right. WHy is WH so angry at me??????
thanks

He's really not. He's really angry at himself and displacing all of the anger on to you.

Stay calm, accept none of the blame for his actions. Apologize only for YOUR actions that may have made the marriage vulnerable, and work on correcting those things ala, plan a.

Keep your cool and let him know he needs to accept the responsibility for his actions. Don't do it in a LB (love busting) fashion, just cool, calm, collected and factual.

He'll be in withdrawal for a while, probably quite a while, and he'll need to be dealt with honestly and factually, but sometimes you may have to offer him comfort. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it probably is, but it's part of the path towards recovery.

Read, or re-read Surviving an Affair, and it will help you deal with this. Better yet, schedule a phone appointment with Steve Harley, and get firsthand directions from him.

You will need to weather the storm, fill his EN's, and let him know what HE needs to do to "come home". It's your list. NC letter? Heartfelt apology? Marriage counseling? Individual counseling? Church? You have the power and control.

Exercise it fairly and firmly.

Best wishes,
SD

wv girl -

I agree with SD. Now is the time to be on your very best behavior. That means no LB's, DJ's, or "I told you so's". It may take awhile, but this is very, very good news for your marriage.

just calmly say---i didnt know i had SUCH power...then breezily walk away.....

I pray for you that she keeps up her end of the bargain.

I agree that you should Plan A him and determine for yourself what you need him to be doing in order for you to work on the marriage/consider letting him move home. SH does not condone letting the WS move back home just because the A has ended. He essentially states the WS has to earn his/her way back home.