Hi MO:
Your experiences are shared by most of us on here and the pain is extreme. I feel we are "designed" as humans to be with someone for several different reasons, most of which are good. There is no better emotional feeling than being "as one" with your mate. And we can never be "as one" without risk of rejection. So we regroup our emotions and go again - hopefully with a new perspective based on our past.
Each of us leaves a ruined marriage with lessons learned. It is our responsibility to recognize what works and doesn't work 'for us' - and to keep that in mind when choosing another mate. If you could possibly look at your failed marriage without emotion; I feel sure you would see "red-flags" that you probably chose to just deal with in order to keep your marriage together. It's hard to take a step outside of those emotions and look objectively, but I feel we should. Then when we "look" or interact with a new person, keep in mind what works and what doesn't. In a way - we've been given another chance at having an "awesome" relationship with someone; without all the baggage. At this point in time, we know ourselves better than at any other time in our lives. We have the best chance at making good choices for ourselves. The key to our success is to date only those we are compatible with and who are compatible with us. It may take one date - or 100, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that we choose wisely.
And even when we choose wisely, we can still only control what we do. Which means any relationship may fail again. But our chances are better than ever, and I for one believe the risk is still worth the reward!
FR <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
