Not necessarily.

You could have been manipulating the situation and she wasn't going to play.

It is all about being attractive to her... needy, clingy, and desperate doesn't do it.

Was it a test? Subconsciously?

committed

GA, your biggest problem was mine too. You are affected by every little wave in all this. You're bobbing in this chaotic soup. You're up, you're down. It's exhausting, painful. You actually take what she says as something you can believe, even if she says the exact opposite the next day. Stop that.

I'm not sure what to suggest w/r/t contact, plan a/b, whatever. My WW made almost no effort to have any contact with me after she left. She served me in July '04, three days before our 10th anniversary. I did the minimum I had to do to stay out of legal trouble. I tried to show her I was thinking about her, and that I cared about her, and that I wanted to stay married. Occasionally I sent her a little card or a small gift. Never anything big. But I did not pursue her. And you know what? It had no effect on the outcome. I'm going to sign my divorce decree this afternoon.

These decisions you have to make are important, but don't be fooled into thinking that one wrong move will sink the whole ship. You could do everything perfectly, and it might still sink.

So don't only do what you think you must to make reconciliation possible. Do also what you have to do to protect your own sanity. If these events are putting you in the hospital, you need to make a higher priority out of self-care. If that means doing things that feel they may alienate your W, so be it. This might wind up helping your chances at reconciliation as well.

So I guess that's my advice. Start your decision-making not with, "What will be most likely to save my marriage." Start it with, "What will be most likely to keep me safe, keep me from being hurt more, and allow me to look at myself in the mirror a year from now, no matter what happens."

That includes boundaries, to protect your self-respect and to gain some control over your life. Your life is more important than your marriage, buddy. Say it with me two times!

GC

I really want her back and I do love her but is it something that you really want and you know you cant have. I want us to work out our problems and our marriage.

I am a rookie here, but I agree with those who have suggested that Gaboy focus on things that will benefit him and engage in a real, all out Plan A. As for the divorce, I would never agree as long as I was opposed to it, regardless of my S's anticipated reaction. It seems odd that she seems so willing to get together after the D; my suspicious character tells me she just wants the D to be trouble-free. Now, be yourself and start doing something fun! (Me? What am I doing? I am reading all the wonderful posts on this site, I have just hired a professional organizer to help me get rid of the piles of stuff that have been accumulating around here, and I have appointments for a haircut and pedicure coming up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) If Plan A doesn't work, at least I'll look good as WH heads out the door! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The divorce paper work is to sell house and split equity nothing to really fight over. All cut and dried

I wish there was someone on here that would reply that has been in her shoes as to what is happening and what she wants, there I go analyizing something I know not to

Called me to tell me that it is over and she doesnt care if she talks to me for the rest of her life. I think I am gonna sign, what do you think? Cant make her care or love me!!!

Nothing quite like getting coerced into doing just about the last thing in the world you want to do, is there?

Do what you can live with. Me, I fought it to the tiny, tiny extent I was able. No-fault made that pretty inconsequential. No-fault is a crime against humanity. But I digress. Do what you can live with. To hell with what she wants.

Edited to add: ... because she'll probably want something different in a few days, weeks, months.

GC

I hope you didn't take the call. Let your machine do it. That's what it's there for.

Didn't she already tell you this in a text message yesterday? There's no reason to call you again, is there?

She continued to text and after a while I wrote her back, she suggested that I start seeing other people as it might help me get over this and move on with my life. She is so darn crazy she has made her decision and is sticking to it so she says. I havent mentioned to her about a relationship she said it would not bother her if she never talked or saw me again, she said she would get over it.

Please don't reply to her. Let her babble.