First--let me reintroduce myself. I've been more of a lurker than a poster, and I truly have learned so much from reading your posts.

Some background--H has a 4 year old OC from a one-nighter (H says) that occurred during our separation (for which one of the ground rules that we agreed upon was no dating or messing around).

Now, the problem--my MIL from Hell. One of my H and I's ground rules for recovery is that if OW tries to contact him in any way, he shares it with me. I believe that he has kept his end of the bargain.

Last night, I am cleaning when he comes charging inside from the backyard with his cellphone at his ear. He says to me "listen to this". Here is a paraphrasing of the phone message on the other end:

MIL: "I am here visiting OC and she has something she wants to say to you."
OC: "I love you, daddy."
MIL: "I just wanted you to hear that."

I have learned from the MB message board that ordinarily it is the OW that does sh*t like this. MIL (and FIL) has visited OW and OC since the child was born, even though paternity has not been established (don't get me started on THAT subject) and my H has never met the child. She also has the OC out to the farm for visits, and also is supportive of fund raisers at Kindercare, where the OC is enrolled (BTW, OW's M&D pay for all of the OC's expenses).

I bounced this off my mom and my very understanding boss, who both say that MIL needs psychiatric help and that I am right in limiting my contact with her, since she is bent on interfering in our situation. I guess I am looking for your thoughts, too. I welcome anything, so let 'er rip!

Thanks for putting up with my long rant.

I say she has no respect for you, your H and your marriage and her perspective on this situation is a bit skewed - - well alot skewed.

If I were you, I'd send her a letter and tell her phone calls and any other incidents like that aren't welcome in your lives. And.... distance is how I'd keep things.

Very unkind of her to say the least not to mention what effect that type of behavior is having on OC. Sick

Ok I am assuming you and H have no children? How does MIL even know OW? I mean I would be mad that she is calling letting a child you nor your H knows leave messages of love. How can she love him? She does not know him. So that to me says coaching was involved. So how long have you and H know of OC? Give a little more background on how these relationships were started and brought together. How long married stuff like that. Then I can give my opinion which I love to do.

Farm Girl, how awful of your MIL. It would be different if she saw OC and never spoke to anyone in the family about it, including you and hubby. But what she is doing is emotional black-mail.

How is your h dealing with this situation? He obviously supports you and his marriage over his mother.

Have you considered couselsing with H, MIL, and yourself to possibly try to resolve the problem before it gets anymore out of hand? It's just a suggestion.

ember

And I thought my ex mil was bent for giving me and epilady for Christmas!

I'm so sorry. It's hard enuf to live thru this without ils being manipulative bsers.

(FarmGirl)