Last November I moved out because my husband was telling me that he wished he didn't marry me. I started seeing someone right away that was also having problems in their relationship. My husband tryed to get me back but I was just tired of all of the heart ache and put downs from him. I finally decided to return home with him in February after being with another man and cheating on him. I didn't expect my return home but some unexpected events happened and made me feel that my husband really cared about me. Right after my return I got pregnant and in March my husband started rejecting me again. He had known before I moved back with him that I had slept with another man. Now he doesn't want a relationship with me. I don't know what to do. He says I ruined his life. I am so sad that I was with another man and have apologized many times for it. I suggest counceling and working together to overcome our problems but he just says he cant. We live together now and get along just like normal. He constantly reminds me that after the baby is born I will be moving out again and things will be different. I don't understand what is going on in our relationship. I am willing to do anything to fix what has happened. Help me!

Sounds like he has some issues. My wife gave me the same line about wishing we have never married.

He has to find happiness from within. You can't just make him happy.

I think you need to read through the Basic Concepts here and see where you are. Also Read through Plan A. Make yourself the strong and desirable woman he would be attracted to, and then see if he'll pull his share of the load.

This is a really difficult time, I'm sure. This is a great place to come for support. Trust me.

I would suggest staying away from contact with the other man completely.

Sleepless

What steps are you taking to help yourself?

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Mourning.

A fellow FWS bundled some advice together HERE .
Read it and se what to do next.

Infidelity is awful, but couples can recover !

Stay with this forum, you will find help here.

All blessings.

I have been reading a lot about relationships. I haven't had any contact with the other man since I have moved back with my husband. I have done all things possible to avoid contact with that man. I am just trying to prepare my self for separation from my husband. I know we have about 5 months until our new child is born and I know I only have 5 months to spend with my husband. I try to enjoy every moment with him. We get along great but I can't go a day with out thinking of how life will be with out him. I havn't done much to help my self. I am more worried about him and my unborn child to even start to think about my self. How do I get him to open up to me again? Sometimes I wonder if it isn't about me being with another man maybe it is his way to get out of the realationship he said that he didn't want after only 3 months of being married, or maybe he doesn't want the responsiblity of a family, and maybe he doesn't want the financial burnen that he thinks I am. ???

If you are not taking care of and nurturing the 'self' inside you, you cannot offer much to others in the way of being a relationship partner.

Taking care of yourself is a primary step. You cannot advance to taking care of others until you have become whole yourself.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

What brings you joy and happiness today?

Pep

On another thread you said you didn't think you could ever forgive yourself ... listen to me ... if you "never" forgive yourself you will be a miserable person to live with!!!!

Have you ever tried to be on good terms with a person who did not love or even like themself? It's impossible.

Unless you start with yourself, and start building yourself back up, you will become an unpleasant noose around your husband's neck. THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO HAPPEN!!!

Think about who you enjoy having in your life. Self-confident and happy people, right?

If you do not turn around and start being kind and loving and gentle with yourself, you may effectively drive your husband away.

Be attractive by showing remorse for your past mistakes, and enough self-love and self-respect to determine that YOU are worth loving. If YOU think you are crap and treat yourself like crap ... your H will determine that's all you're worth!

Change your attitude right now.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I know that it is a time to take care of my self besides the child in my belly needs me to. I make sure not to get over emotional about things. I handle things with care. Though I am heart broken and will not give up hope for my relationship I have taken action to make sure I am healthy. As for my emotional state I try to stay happy just hangen in there. I enjoy every moment I get to share with my husband and try to make the best of things.

and for God's sake

*love yourself*

if you want your H to love you ... you better show him that you are worth it coz you love you!

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks pepperband. I know I have to work of my self worth. It does make people more attractive to know they love them self. What do you think about how my husband handles the situation? Sometimes he tells me Im not worth it. He wishes that I wouldn't be the mother of his child. I find my self at times sticking up for my self. If I have any issues that I want to discuss in our relationship he tells me I have no grounds to upset over anything because of what I did.

Well

I don't want to comment on your husband, because right now how YOU deal with your own feelings is all important.

STOP trying to manage and fuss over your H's feelings. Leave those to him.

Be respectful and caring toward him.

And be respectful and caring toward yourself.

Has he ever been abusive or hit you? Does he do drugs or drink? Is he addicted to anything, including porn?

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

He is emotionally hurtful to me a lot that is why I left in the first place. I guess it shows... Other than that he is great. He just seems not to want to put in the effort to save our relationship. I will work on loving my self more.

give an example

and give an example of how you responded

Hum... let me think here. He always tells me I "act like a child" "have no motivation". He calls names which I will not say. He has this perception of me which I do not see as being me.

I usualy tell him not to talk to me that way. If he is name calling I ususaly will stop talking to him. Sometimes I stick up for my self until I am blue in the face and tired of the argue.

Last week we got into a fight and he told me I was a burden, a !@##$ that will sleep with anyone, he told me I had ruined his life.

I offered to leave telling him that I didn't want to be any ones burden. He finally apologized and told me to stay, but reminds me that I will be out if a few months.

Hi Mourning,

I'm sorry you are going through these issues. From reading your post, its seem that your Husband does love you, yet he is have a difficult time forgiving you. I'm assuming that both of you are both young (in your 20's?), so it may be more difficult for your Husband to creatively express his feelings. More likely he is fighting an internal battle with his feelings and rational. When a marriage is still in its infancy and to look at the mountain to climb from the effect of the affair puts both spouses in despair, which is one of the reasons I decided not to stay married with my WS. My opinion is that your BS felt so much pain from the A that he is having difficulties dealing with issues of resentment. I would take the advice given here about working on yourself, trying to figure how and why these issues occurred. Get IC (independent counseling) and if your Husband is willing go, see a good Marriage Councelor together. My gut instinct is that if he see's that you are truely committed to working on yourself and show him that you are willing to climb that mountain, he will be there with you (especially once you have your child). Please take of yourself and try to get counseling.

Seoulman

Is your H having an affair? Hm..... his unplaced anger just makes me wonder.

L.

Mourning,

There’s something that crossed my mind while I was reading your post. I don’t want to upset you with it, but I think it is important: You said you’ve got pregnant just after you broke the A and moved back with your H. Are you 100% sure the baby is your H’s child and not the OM’s child? And maybe there is a possibility that your H feels insecure about this. What do you think?

Suzet

Suzet ... crossed my mind as well.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />