OK guys - my heart is pounding. I need explicit instructions on how to handle this.
My W IS having an affair. I am printing all her hotmail emails right now.

I need to cool off and learn what to do. They have a hotel date for June 18. He will fall hard when I expose. Wife and a major community of peers. He is a big wig in his community.

Please help me to do this right.

THanks!

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Do not tell your wife you are going to expose.

Do you have kids? How old?

Pep

thanks.

I know not to tell her.

3 kids 11, 6, 3

I want her to be in love with me and live the rest of my life with her.

Second affair. One all last year, ending in December.

Do you think he knows I'm kidding? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Is this the same guy or someone else?

What type of MC did you do after first affair? Anything?

Different person. The director of a show she was in.
No MC. She refuses. Refused recently - now I know why.

The show has only been since about the end of march. It was over at the end of may.

Will she be able to tell I am reading her hotmail from a different computer?

And I will start collecting data about the OM'S wife, and the emails of all the actors in the show, and the board of directors at the theatre. That will about do it.

Is that too vindictive?

It is sad that I recognize that knotty feeling in my gut - the loss of apetite.

But - I have followed MB for over a year, read HNHN and SAA, and actually feel prepared. I kinda feel like a special ops soldier with battle plans, planning the assault.

Wow. Where did that come from?

Purchase and read Surviving an Affair by Willard before you do anything. Your instincts will often lead you in the wrong direction, and you can save doing a HEAP 'O DAMAGE by educating yourself on how to do things right; IE, the Marriage Builder's way.

Sorry you find a need to be here, but you will get a great deal of help from these forums. Get the book, read it, and read as much about MB on this site as possible.

DO NOT CONFRONT her until you are properly informed on how to do so with the least damage. (like I did) This site and the people here can put you on the fast track on how to survive this mess you've discovered.

Chin up... help is here!

Best wishes,
SD

I have read SAA, but will do it again. I guess once for each affair.
I have studied the advice of the sages here for a year. I have discovered we are all human, but many of you folks have developed into some good affair counselors. Luckily I have had time to learn the MB way. I will try to contact Steve in the next couple of days. I presume exposure will occur sometime this weekend - her birthday. I hope to not associate her birthday with this event for her - but the time is rapidly approaching that exposure will occur.

Do I expose to the entire community of the OM? It could put a major kink in his career. (he is a director)

She does not have many friends in our town, and the exposure could destroy her new career, too. (He cast her in her first show in 10 years, with a promising of more shows)

What to do?

Hi, found.

Since this is her second affair, my reaction is basically scorched earth regarding the exposure.

You may not get her back, but she is mostly gone already.

'Acting' and feeding her entitlement with an affair; that is like pouring nitroglycerin on a gasoline fire.

I don't think that you will stop it without serious exposure. She has character issues to deal with.

I know that you want to save your marriage, but I think you need to have a serious look at your situation.

All the best,
Gimble

Before the affairs she was a person of impeccible character. We have 3 kids that would benefit greatly from a whole family. I know of her character flaws, and, if she will commit to this, I want to have her as my true love. I think once she hits the wall, she will do some serious searching and find the true path. I have put over a year of personal development into this relationship - prayed "God make me that which completes her" - spent a lot of time studying and learning the MB way. I am truly a different person.

This one is worth it. She is a treasure. A confused treasure.

Should I tell her personal counselor?

Thanks for the words of advice. Already I can feel the final cut. The pain will be a lot less after this, if she does not fall in love with me. But I must put every drop of love I have for her into this before I give up on her.

Amazing how the training on this site has prepared me to remain cool. (was not in a post a week ago or so...)

And, yes, scorched earth is what is coming. Great big pile of manure, great big huge spreader. (**)It will be everywhere.

Bob - waiting for you to weigh in on this one.

But c

FAR

I would not be vindictive. Expose to ANYONE if you think it may put pressure on your W to stop her affair.

Expose to anyone who has a stake in the moral integrity of your W.

Will there be pressure to stop from her acting colleagues or applause and support for her ?

I exposed to Squids girlfriends and we just became gossip. Squid got that 'follow your heart'uninformed bullsh*t advice from them.

I agree with Gimble other than I have found careless exposure can actually be counterproductive. I'd go for OMs nearest and dearest and anyone else with a real close stake in your R.

All blessings.

Here is a link you will find helpful (I've also bumped it for you):

Affair Exposure 101

Suzet - thanks! How did you know I was lying her staring at the ceiling? I will devour the 101 class.

Bob - your voice is always comforting.

Many of OMs colleagues are married, and when I pose the question to the men of the bunch "would you want your wife acting with him?" I think the point will be made. But a little voice (in another post) makes me think I call his wife first and at least afford him the opportunity to cease the affair with "dignity" (HA!) and without ruining his career. If it does not terminate promptly, the career goes.
His choice.

Don't forget to expose on your side too...her family, your family, etc...anyone who you believe will work to convince her that what she's doing is wrong and needs to end.

Very sorry to hear that you're going through this again.