Doc says she is likely lost. Exposure will just make her mad. He says I should try to spend as much time with her as I can and try to reason things out with her.

That is how I remember it - but i recorded it as a wav. I am trying to covert to mp3 - If I succeed, I will post it on a public music sharing site and share the link.

Disheartnening.

WAT said:
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I'm old and I don't have very much.
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I thought you were my age! You mean you're not 22? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Gimble

Doc H seems to think exposure will gain me nothing. He feels that she is too far gone. I have felt for a long time that I am trying to win another woman's heart, not win my wife back.

As I look at her (ww), her values are not the same as mine. The woman I married was a woman of integrity. She felt God had made her a virgin again. She was not so interested in self.

I swore I would never marry an actress....

Hi, found.

Quote:
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Doc H seems to think exposure will gain me nothing.
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Okay. So, what do you want to do?

I can't tell you what to do. No one here can. I am going to tell you what I would do because I figure you where going to ask me anyway :-)

I want you to understand, this is me, in your shoes, not you in your shoes. My perspective on life is actually pretty simple. I am alive and mostly functional on this planet because I learned that I had to face life head on to survive. My perspective is not shared among those more disposed toward a kinder, gentler, approach to life.

If I thought I was going to lose, then I would do what my father once told me. There was a neighborhood kid that just wouldn't leave me alone. He kept on and on at me. I didn't know what to do. Nothing I tried would make him stop. If I walked away, he followed me. One day my dad had been observing the whole thing and this is what he said to me; "Boy, I don't care if you win or lose, but you best let 'em know you been there". That kid never messed with me again.

So, you can go out quiet, or you can blow the thing sky high. Up to you.

God bless,
Gimble

I think now is a good time to pray for clarity and be still for a while.

I am crying, again, for the first time in a long time.

Gimble - Thanks. I am praying about it.

I don't know what to do. I want my wife back. I want my family. I want to walk holding my baby's hand. I want her to want that.

Sorry. I am being weak. My emotions are all compressed inside my heart. Sometimes I think it is going to bust out of my chest.

Every one of you has given solid, good, valuable advice. I need to give it to God and let him speak to me.

Sorry to cry in my beer at you. You told me I could.

I am strong. This is gonna work out.

Just spoke with atty. He says that in CA filing first does not give me an advantage.

I do not anticipate her running, anyway.

Since Dr. H thinks that it would anger WW if I exposed - what if someone anonomous sent her pics of WW and Taster together?

WW could not prove anything! I could confront about that which is obvious and try to get her into a corner.

Bear with me. Just trying to find the best solution. I do not know what important data I am leaving out for you guys to process, that I know, that affects the sitch.

Well, I'm with Gimble and not with Dr. Harley.

I think exposure can gain you a lot - especially to Mr. Taster-Geezer's wife. Will it eventually end up "curing" your wife? That in itself, probably not. But you can't even introduce the cure without exposure to both OM's wife and your wife.

I'm really disappointed Dr. Harley advised against it. If nothing more it informs OM's wife which many would consider your civic duty.

The other thing it gets you is eventual peace of mind - even if it doesn't "work" it gives you peace of mind that you tried.

OF COURSE IT WILL MAKE HER MAD!!! Duh!! And so what? We know this happens all the time!

I'd like to ask Dr. Harley why this doesn't disqualify ALL exposure in ALL cases???

Doc, if you're reading this, how 'bout an explanation?

I still say expose. It'll do YOU good. ....and OM's wife good.

WAT

Perhaps a background check would turn up valuable information? Likely price range through a PI $50-75, though maybe more if you call someone in an over-inflated major metropolitan area. You should be able to get all addresses associated with him (whether his places or not) as well as a list of relatives and friends linked to his name.

WAT - thanks. I am listening.

OMG!!!!

I just had an hour long conversation with the ALIEN!!

I have read all you have said - SHE READ THE SCRIPT!!!!!

"I am not interested in going out with ANYBODY"

"I will never be romantically interested in you"

"you broke the contract first - you were gone all the time and did not respond to my cries" (well - that is kinda true, but I still feel she has some personal stuff to deal with, plus - did I just read another thread that states "it takes 2"

I was calm, reverse babbled, got her good and confused and frustrated. She called me - she supspects something. I told her I was just feeling odd b/c she has withdrawn from me in the last few weeks. She went on the defensive. She is fishing to find out if I know anything. I did not let on. She bought it.

Dr. Harley likened it to a current case he has. In that case and mine, the WW really is emotionally gone. All I can do is attract her back, and exposure would not be attractive.

But please weigh in.

Based on the last conv., she will be PISSED that I ruined her life if I expose. But I guess that is in the script, eh.

I do know that I want to KNOW that I did all I could. And if she is gone anyway, what is the big deal about some scorched earth? And if she could come back - this is one way...

Wow. Would not have expected that. What do you make of this:

She just sent an email to the 1st OM "What is the news?"

Any thoughts?

Yea - I should probably look into that. (A PI report)

Boy oh boy, did she babble in the last conversation. I wish I had recorded it.

So - I did travel a lot, and she did stay home with the kids a lot. She prefers they not be in day care. I have always thought she could get a job and put them in daycare - not the best way, but an option. Then she could have contributed more finanacially, and we could stay in the big house, and I could have stayed home more. But she says it is my fault for not being there, not listening, falling asleep when she was talking to me (after waking me in the middle of the night to talk) I wish I had not done those things. I do not, now.

Also - she mentioned how she would be a demon to my family if she filed. I do not think she understands how exposure works - that I will write her family, too. She said I know how to control her, and that is getting under her skin.

I will type more as it comes to me.

I didn't hear all of your call with Dr. H, but generally in his books as well as on this site he states that exposure will piss off the WS but that it needs to be done. He's the one who originally said to take out a billboard...(I don't necessarily take that literally) we didn't make that up ourselves.. I wonder if you understood the context of what he was saying. Usually, exposure is the first step in breaking the spell of the fantasy aspect of the A or A's as may be the case.

Please don't lose heart. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and fight the good fight...for your family.

And...after the initial fit of anger etc... then usually the anger will wear off and eventually in recovery they will respect you for fighting to save your marriage and not just capitulating or rolling over like a licked dog.

I can only hope.

OH - she said something about how the kids would blame her when I moved out. I told her very clearly - "I am not moving out. I am not going anywhere"

She has some kind of fantasy of us living in the same house, divorced or separated, going our own ways.

I pondered that for a while. But finally it became clear - Not a chance. I can not do that to myself. I will not do that to our kids.

She does say she is tired of being pursued by me. I told her I have heard of enough pursuit at her job, that I feel I should be in the mix - how can she pick someone that is not pursuing?

She feels very controlled right now.

I imagine there are exceptions but I am here as one example, bObPure another and there are others among us where exposure brought initial anger...but we are recovered. Sometimes it takes more time than others...it will depend on if you can hold out that long. In my case my H's (most serious) A had to run its course...ie. he finally moved in with OW and her children.

In your situation the OM is OLD...don't know about OM #1...You have young kids...exposure is more than likely going to help in the long run.

Doing reverse babble is good.

Did Dr. H mention plan A or did you mention it?