Hmm. I'm sure I posted this somewhere on this site, but, I can't find it (I'm entirely new here, and the protocol is different from the other forums I'm used to). Therefore, here it goes, again. Sorry if you've already read this elsewhere here, but, I really did want to make sure it got in your face, at least once. So, here goes, take two (?):<P>My wife and I have been married for forty years. In the second through fourth years of our marrriage she had an affair with her boss and deeply loved him. I never suspected a thing. Three years after it ended (we moved across the country)she told me that it had happened but gave me very few details: that they ****ed in the office (she was his only employee) and in the nearby forest. She asked if I remembered one day when she had come home and rushed directly to the bathroom instead of coming to me for the usual hug and kiss. I thought I did remember that happening once. She then said that it was because they had been making love under the pine trees that afternoon and her dress was covered with pine needles and she didn't want me to see her state. And, at some point in the affair, he urged her to leave me and move with him to Australia. Outwardly, her lover was a devoted husband/father with a wife and three kids. <P>The above stuff was told to me by my wife 34 years ago and I thought she would tell me the rest in due time. However, at this point, I believe she fully intends to take it to her grave without sharing it with me. It has come to obsess me - not being included in the knowledge of the details. Do I deserve to know the answers to the many questions that haunt me? <P>We are, and have been, very happy in our entire forty years together. She swears that her affair never infringed upon our marriage, and I can say that, had she not told me about it, I never would have suspected it. I'm just sorry that she told me the little that she did. Of course, the LITTLE was really the BIG - that she had had the affair. I could have lived very happily without that. You know, ignorance is bliss?<P>Anyway, life is interesting, even if it ain't fair all the time.<P>Sid

Sid -- I want to address one "question" you asked: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Do I deserve to know the answers to the many questions that haunt me?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes I think you do deserve to "know." Many, if not all of the betrayed here have asked this question at one time or another. We do deserve to know.<P>For me, I know what happened during my W's affairs, both physical and emotional/internet. What I don't know are all the things that led up to this point. nagging things which aren't directly related to the infidelity.<P>Just my two cents worth. I don't know if it helps you at all.<P>God Bless

(This same post is under New Womans "Do You Guys Ever Wonder" in response to your story. You are greatly blessed, Sid, don't fix it if it ain't broke.)<P><BR>Hey Sid,<BR>Let see...solid marriage for decades since affair...great sex every 3 days...I think I'll louse it up and bring up the distant past.<P>Resist that urge, let it die. Why get learned when you can get laid?<P>

Sid,<P>If it's really driving you batty, duplicate it, get a new association with those haunting memories. Make love to your wife at the office, in a pine tree forest, but don't make your loving faithful sexy wife of the past decades relive a painful memory. Bury those memories with the decades of happiness since and new fantasies of your own together. Keep your mouth shut and your fly open, not the other way around. Good luck.<P>

Sid,<P>Do you deserve to know? Absolutely!<P>Do we all deserve "justice"? Absolutely!<P>Knowing and justice do not always bring the result you want, however. Decide what you want, justice or peace. <P>Peace comes from forgiveness and love. Will knowing the details change anything? Wisdom is what you need, more than justice.<P>Good Luck!<BR>

Right on trustntruth and cuckold. <P>Sid,<BR>34 years of fidelity is significant and special. She apparently has learned from her bad choice. Is there something deeper you are anxious to uncover? Are you questioning her current fidelity for instance? I could understand that her ability to keep certain secrets over decades might lead you to wonder what other secrets she could keep. Is that it? Or maybe (just maybe) you are looking for reasons to justify one of your own? Just a thought. I can understand,too, her not wanting to relive her pain of betraying you. It has been only about two years since I ended my brief affair, and it still causes me incredible pain to acknowledge what I did. My presence here on this forum is testament to that.

Thanks, Empty Shell, Cuckold, trustntruth, and TheStudent, for your *very* helpful and intelligent opinions. Your collective comments are like having a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. This analogy is really accurate. I can't believe how free you fine people have made me feel. Damn, I'm about to burst into tears!<P>You are right, TheStudent, about my having been wondering what other secrets my wife might have been keeping from me. Now, I don't care. You four people have helped me clean my slate of this issue.<P>As to the possibility of my using the 'need to know' as a tool for justifying an affair of my own the answer is no. I can say that the devastation of learning about her affair (34 years ago) was enough impetus for me for a lifetime not to lay that kind of hurt on her.<P>I'd give all of you a big hug (even you guys, even though I'm not gay) for the wonderful help you have given me. Wow, the human race really is *great* with people like you!<P>------------------<BR>Onward and Upward !<P>Sid

Glad to hear it, Sid, and thanks! Since you're obviously the resident Sexpert, maybe you could share tips on your long term success. Decades of a passionate committed marriage is pretty impressive. This forum could use some good news for a change.