So I have been pondering the exposure to Mrs. Taster. It has been opined from everyone that this is likely not Mr. Taster's first affair.

If, when I expose to Mrs. Taster, she has info about previous affairs, and can provide some details- will that info be at all effective in opening WW's eyes?? If nothing else, I can suggest she get a good STD exam. But that is just if...

I am trying to apply logic to this, and that might not be the right thing to do. I need to apply experience to this - which is why I am seeking coaching from you wonderful folks.

Just thinking out loud here.

Another Q? I am thinking of exposing sometime during the week. WW goes on Sunday to spend a week with her mom. I am trying to decide if it is better to expose closer to her departure date, or earlier in the week.

Any thoughts?

BTW - I believe the reason the Harleys have not urged a rapid exposure to OMW is that they both believe that she may not be interested in helping. Gotta find out, though.

FAR,
Enjoyed the story about the kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
You are on the right track about having to do something. and you are wise to realize that she could leave anyway. I also think you are wise to realize that OMW might not care that he has these relationships. Keep documenting. As for when to expose, I vote for closer to the departure date. She will be mad, and this way there is some distance between yall, the kids, the OM, ect. I am praying for you.

I do not believe that WW knowing about this crotchety old man's previous affairs will do anything. To me, it doesn't mean much at all in the scheme of things. Most likely that is a topic that will just get your off track.

Exposure closer to her departure does seem like a good choice-- she will ahve NO CLUE what YOU are up to in her absence. That should drive her nuts.

Im sorry you couldn't have a much better Father's Day weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

far,

Hope you, and all the MB had a good Father's Day. You all deserve it!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Praying for you and all of you guys on MB!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

But if I have a list of women he has been with, will that carry much weight when I show it to WW and suggest some really stringet STD testing? The more I look at it, the more it looks like she is being played like a cheap guitar. She sent him an email before he met her, she showed up for the audition and he saw that she was beautiful, and aching for attention. He gives it to her, and she is butter in his hands. Kills me. I look back on her life, and see a pattern of her falling for strong and powerful men in her life. To win her back, I will need to be that.

She lectured me tonite on the "religion" that is fueling me, and shoring me up. She sees my strength, perceives my power in this situation, and does not understand it. It scares the hell out of her, and when she is cornered, she spits acid. My clothes are practically burned off. But she was also very drunk, and while spitting acid at me, I could also sense a cordiality. She still loves me as a father, and as a friend.

Thanks for letting me vent. I wrote a note to her, that I will not give to her. It felt good to vent, though, and point out that her religion has given her the idea that the moral standard should change based on what she feels.

Mrs. Diva - no father's day baby?? Well - God has different plans for that child. We do not always make the best choices for ourselves. I sure am glad He does.

far,

Good that you vent here, and not to WW.

Plan A my friend.

Praying for God's guidance for you, my friend. God Bless and continuing prayers for your situation.

Yes, you are WORTHY. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

mojo,

hope you aren't TOO uncomfortable. LOL!!! been there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hopin' that baby makes up it's mind soon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Send us the good news soon. Sorry for the treadjack far. Forgive me pleeeaase???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Blessing to all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hey man - you sound strong.

Keep in mind in your exposure talk that Steve advised you against it for now. You know that I personally am perplexed by this advice, but it's coming from the experts. 'Nuff said.


Not if it's coming from you.

In her adolescent mindset, NOTHING you can say regarding her fantasy will likely have your desired effect. As an adolescent, she will resist and probably just get more determined that you're public enemy #1.

But if she determined on her own that Mr. Taster had multiple "tastes" - especially a parallel one - a "buffet" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> - the acid pump would be directed at him, probably.

WAT

Of course, she could convince herself that she is special and that what they have is unique. It wouldn't be the first time.

But given his age and the fact that she even knew enough to poo poo any thought that she would have anything to do with such an old guy...maybe, just maybe knowledge that he may be just a charming, smooth talking, dirty old man type of serial cheater may have some effect. Maybe sleezy is part of the turn on for her. It doesn't make much sense...but a lot of this stuff doesn't.

It is very sleazy. The emails they send are very sexually charged. I know it is doing it for her. I did not frequently send her notes like that, and looking back I have a lot of areas that I could have done a lot better, and will given another chance.

I will plan A for now. I am torn - I want to expose, but I have been advised to wait by SH. I have read about and understand very well the anxiety that I have, sitting here ready to expose.

I know that time alone will cause it to die - it has no chance of survival. I wonder if SH knows that, and thinks I should wait and be prince charming when that fantasy world falls apart. I wonder if he thinks she is so far gone that exposure would push her completely away. He has also mentioned that he is concerned that my love for her might be getting low, and the time it would take to recover after exposure might deplete my resources.

Like others have said... time is on my side.

This is just no way to live life.

Miss M - thanks for the encouragement to vent here. I really need to sometimes, and have no friends to call and dump it all on without getting advice. I do not want or need their advice.

WAT pointed out something so true- anything coming from you just isn't going to be valid for the WW. And a demand for STD testing shouldn't require you to prove this guy's been around the block.

Miss M- thanks for the thoughts. I hit 39 weeks today and still waiting for this little guy to show up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Yes, Im very uncomfortable, but maybe he needs the extra time to get nice and chubby for me!
At least Im getting lots of errands out of the way while waiting, right?

My parents and nieces arrive Wednesday afternoon- I may be unavailable for awhile. I will try to check in on you, FAR.

Interesting thing going on here-- hubby contacted a man who was a witness at our marriage ceremony when he served in the Corps. I like this man very much. He is in Virginia now, too, and works for the Sheriff's department. Stand up guy, very sweet. Always wished we could find another friend like him for hubby. Well... hubby just found out that our friend is a BH and that his WW divorced him and married the OM. This happened about two years ago and the WW is already seperated from the OM. The BH and WW have two children together. So the BH invited us to come visit him (he is very excited to be back in contact with us) and I've actually asked hubby to go visit without me. The BH kinda unloaded a bunch of stuff on hubby about what happened (the OM was his best friend in the department) and I have to say that its had a big effect on hubby. He's been really attentive lately. The other day he was opening car doors for me!!! Im kinda hoping that renewing this friendship with this guy will help reaffirm to my husband the type of man he is and can continue to be.

Sorry, threadjack!

You have time on your side, this is true. I guess following SH's advice is the way to go for now (and Im a little confused by it, too). Im hoping you don't lose too much love and be unable to recover it.

I think that the Harleys are both concerned that i have already lost WW. My description to them makes them both sit silent for a moment or a few, then say something like "you need to find a way to attract her back to you.." If I bust up the affair, it might just drive her to the point of bailing out, whereas right now she is happy for me to pay all the bills while she does her own thing. She has been emotionally divorced for a long time (almost 2 years). She told me last year at this time that she had mourned and burried our relationship.

Right now I am just another suitor. Dr Bill Harley said I would have a much better chance in 5 years.

But I struggle on.

Good luck with the family visit - the baby and all. YOu never told me if it was #1. How many kids?

Oh, this is our third child. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Our first son is now a strapping seventeen year old and our secnod is our eleven year old daughter.

We had our son when we were 16. People are always so surprised to hear his age because we both look young for our ages.

I really wish I knew a good place for you to start to attract your wife. Maybe using 180s would make her snap her head back in your direction. Hell...she might even wonder if you've got something going on the side. I know, I know, immature, but sometimes just the appearance something is going on is enough to freak out even the most Wayward of spouses.

I have pondered that. A night or two out drinking with some girls might be luring - or she might feel better knowing I might get laid. SHE is definately not taking care of that (for me, anyway)

I will look for the areas to 180. She has noted a couple of things I have done lately.

A buddy of mine came in and sat behind me in 10th grade, leaned forward and said "Man, don't ever screw around". Made an impression. I kept track of him until about 3 years ago. (my 20 year reunion was last saturday - I did not care to make it)

WW looks a good solid 30yrs old or so. She turned 40 last week.

I will pray for your child right now. I will pray for all of them.

By the way - you look beautiful! You always do when you have those little critters in ya!

On my knees for you and your family.

c

Ack- no FAR, no *actual* drinking out with the girls. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

There was a thread in the old MB boards written by a woman named Karen, I think, and she did a perfect 180. For me, it was hyserical to read because I kinda was living through her 'adventure.' She'd get prettied up and take off just to sit quietly alone in the car, a coffeeshop, anyplace just so he thought she was having a social time. She wasn't and she did everything else 'above board' but he appearance that she was actually *living* her life without her H's involvement drove him around the bend. I believe they did recover. If I find time tomorrow I will look for the thread for you!

Its 3am here...I better go to bed before my hubby drags me there. I just had to check on you before turning in.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. Thanks for the prayers.

Maybe I will do that tomorrow. I will call after work and tell her I am going out. Not come in until midnight, like she does every friday night. (I have not even mentioned the guy she hangs out with that she met at the hospital where she works, when he was in about to die)

Maybe I should just file.

Nah - gotta make it work. I have three really good reasons....

Good night!

Yea - tuesday night I am gonna call home and say I will be late getting home, then turn off the phone and go see a movie by myself. Might buy a new shirt first.

Sounds like fun!

OK - I have convinced myself to expose. (I have always been convinced - just not sure about timing. I guess I am trying to build a custody case with logging drinking and such. She does not stay lit - just ties one one on most nights.) WW goes out of town on Sunday - I could nuke it after she leaves, and hope that he does not contact her (he will be in CONTACT with his wife...) and she will be there without contact from him. OR - he could tell her exactly what is going on.

Or I could drop the nuke thursday or friday, and be the recipient of an acidic fire hose for all of saturday, and during the drive to the airport on Sunday.

Does anyone have any gut feelings about this?

OH - she writes him constant emails. The tension is really building with them. He writes her, too. Very lovey dovey, and sexually charged stuff. Not really doing me any good reading it, but I am logging everything on that computer. If he tells her about emails when I expose, she will likely change her password, and being in Dallas, I will not be able to hack her account during the week. IF I nuked before she left, she would change her password here, and I could get it before she left.

Please advise.