Here is the latest communications - I know I am supposed to be in Plan B but it was my birthday and I was in a weak state of mind when I wrote him! I had already written to her and the latest reply to him I copied to her. I figured that seeing she is being forced into my life that she should know what the stories are!

This is what has transpired!


"The letters I wrote were the truth and I stand by them. You are your past and you cannot move forward without bringing it with you. You need to look at your faults as well. All this coaching talk you have learned to espouse will not change anything, you have never earned your way our of this marriage! I have no choice but to accept the situation as it is today, however I will never allow the person who contributed to you not wanting to work on the marriage into my or my children's life, you will probably have to make choices in the future that you will not like. If that makes your world uncomfortable that is unfortunate!

As I said to her, your chances of being in a relationship with her in the future is almost nil! There is heartache ahead for you once more! I do not want my children involved with someone who will be a passing fancy in their lives, when they are old enough to make their own decisions then that will be for them to decide. Please do not make this worse by bringing her into my world. You can go where you want but I cannot accept her here in any form what so ever! She is culpable and she knows it! She too is a very weak person of character if she can up and destroy her young family thinking she has found her "soul mate". She will not be happy in the future with a dysfunctional family either, Sounds mean to say but I believe it to be true. Live your choices!

Yes, I still am feeling anger that you are willing to make changes for her but not for your family's sake! It is so very, very sad. You are not the man you are capable of being! Actually the man I married was so very wonderful and I miss him! I wrote what I did to you today because I realized that I had been angry at you for a long time without knowing why, I am still working on that, I expect it to take some time because of the way you handled the dishonesty and snuck around for all that time and the previous times. You have had time to tuck away your love for me but I have not had that luxury as yet.

You know my philosophy of life, what goes around comes around!

I have not changed my mind on how I want things to be so you can think on what I wrote and make your choices. I love you too, and I know that if you decided you wanted to pursue the opportunity of family counselling to find our way back to each other we would have a better marriage that we could possibly dream of. It would be hard and emotional but in the end so very worth it! Remember how we used to be together when we were passionate, that is still there under the rubble. We could rebuild! If she is a woman of character she will step aside and do the right thing for all concerned!

This is the very last time I want to do this, you know my feelings and you know in your heart what I say is real and true. I am taking each day one at a time and looking for ways to be happy.I have lots and love and friends that surround me and they are my strength and pillars.

I hope some day you come out of the fog to what you could have and what is the truth about where you are headed."




I just got a call from him telling me that he will introduce the kids to her and he will never reconcile with me. Then he goes on to say you got your way it's ended and you have destroyed it (referring his relationship to her). Then he said [censored] yo* multiple times to me then hung up on me.

What just happened?!?!?!

No one has answered so does that mean I am out of my mind? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Okay I guess I blew Plan B but it would seem that it has made the ow take agood hard look at what she is getting involved with. If that is the case I think I did the right thing!

Maybe he will get over the mad on in time, and if it is over with ow as he says (could be he is feeding me what he wants me to hear so I will leave it alone?) maybe we can find a way back to each other?

What should I do now, let it alone? or probe to see if she is indeed gone?

Do I have a chance after what has transpired?

I don't know enough about your sitch to comment, but here's a bump to maybe catch some attention...

(((((((((((((((shellyC))))))))))))

SD

Shelly my dear Shelly, you wrote to the wind and it spit back. Do you now realize that you can't reason with the wind?

His A is with such a great person that he now has to resort to cursing instead of communicating. The influence of the OW is sooo good that he willingly throws aside all common and moral sense.

No more letter to a WS unless you want more spit in your face. I think it was somewhat therapeutic for you until he responded as such and for that I am sorry. However, I also realize that no amount of reason could have stopped you because this is one of the things a BS must try to do. What this now will do is help you move forward since you don'w want t/b down wind from such an alien. Not sure if he will spew wind or other bodily fluid out of either end. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Hi Shelly

I know a few examples where 'opening up' to WS has helped but not many.

One was KiwiJ, whose B husband rarely cussed her out into blazing rows, ( but the affair was over by then so jen was ostensibly a FWS).

And the other was ME, one night exasperated and a bit drunk I told a friend on the phone in deliberate earshot of Squid what I thought of her in the most visceral terms.

kiwijen reports that THEIR rows helped defuse he charged atmosphere between them which I can really understand.

Squid now reports that she was REALLY hurt because she couldn't argue with a single one of my brutal comments and realsed her reputation with anyone who knew about her affair was shattered.

So liek orchid I think trying to state YOUR case to a WS is a rit eof passage that every BS must go through.

We'll see how positive it is in your case.

Problem is your WH & OW have spent a long time building a lie-reinforced fantasy with each other. They WANT to believe their lie SO MUCH that even the sun and the wind can be denied, let alone your opinion.

I hope it has a positive effect shelly. As long as you're expectations aren't high in that regard, at least it shouldn't do much harm.

Sounds like you were wise to move to plan B, why would you hang around and be abused like that ?

All blessings