My H sent me a txt today stating that the DV papers are ready to be signed. All I need to do is to make an appointment with the notary to sign them. I don't have to pay a thing.

In response, I've written this:
June 6, 2005
H,
I received your message today about the divorce papers. I am writing this to tell you that I will not sign any papers until I have all of my belongings including my cat. Being that she belonged to me before we were married; you and your parents have had no right to refuse to allow me to take her with me as you have done this past year. If you continue to refuse and do not have my belongings ready for me to take including Kitty, my photo albums, and anything else that belonged to me before our marriage you will have to contact my attorney to continue these proceedings.

Sincerely,
Marisa

My only problem is that I still have yet to retain an attorney. I just don't have the money. I just don't see how I can live with myself if he gets off so easily and is allowed to keep everything he wants and I get nothing. It doesn't seem fair but I don't know what else to do. I'm going to have to find a lawyer and take a loan out in order to pay for that.

For those who know my story, my H left me after he fell for a 15 year old student of his. I've told her parents about what happened but they did nothing. Over the past year I've struggled over whether to report him to the authorities. Everytime I decide I should I just chicken out. Now I feel that if I did I would look like I'm just an angry estranged W. Any input is greatly appriciated.

If you do get an attorney, you might ask that an order be made that your STBXH pays for your attorney and all court costs.

A 15 yr old? That's statuatory rape in my state, Michigan! Not only should your H be reported to the authorities, but so should her parents for "neglect". They have failed to adequately supervise and protect her.

In Michigan you can report anonymously to Child Protective Services. Even if you're perceived as an angry estranged wife at least you will know that you've done all you can about this situation. Is he still with her? What about telling your STXH's employer?

I thought it was difficult enough when my xWS at age 47 left me for a 21 year old. She got pregnant. But at least she was a legal adult.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this. And I see that you two hadn't been married for very long before this happened. Is there anyone around who gives you some support? Take care of yourself. And, personally, I think it would be worth it to consult with an attorney, even if you didn't hire one.

I've consulted a few lawyers but they all had retainors that I couldn't afford. Being that we didn't have any property they say forget about the cat it's too little of a thing to go after and they say since he doesn't have much money to just forget about anything from him.

I'm going to start looking again tomorrow.

As for support, my family is across the country. They've been supportive but I don't really have anyone over here. My new roommate has been great at listening but I feel like I'm dumping my problems on her and I've only known her like a week!

I just wish I could find a lawyer who would actually want to help me even though my case wasn't that big and who wouldn't charge me some outragious retainor fee.

Well this idea doesn't come under the category of "polite" or "nice" but..........assuming your husband would NOT get physically violent with you or stalk you...what about a bit of "barter"?? You get the stuff you want back in exchange for not turning him in to the authorities and/or his employer about his relationship with a 15 yr old student.

Now, I'm not saying that not reporting to the authorities is the best thing to do. But, if you're not going to do it anyway...or have your doubts...you might want to try this approach with your husband. I would recommend,however,that any exchange occur with a police escort to where he lives, through a third party (his attorney?) or in a very public place. Sometimes one can fight fire with fire when they're being blown off!

WOW.... First off, don't sign anything you don't agree with. Even if you never get an atty, you can represent yourself. Second, send a letter with any proof that you have (and it can be annonymous) to the principal, superintendant of schools, state school board, and child protective services. This man obviously has no business working in a profession where he can influence and use our children. I know that you are obviously very attached to your cat but I worry more about his next victim.

And whose to say I.I. that you can't "change your mind" and go back on your word and report him after you get your stuff? It's not like he's held up his end of your marital commitment. Again though, be aware of personal safety issues related to any angry response or retribution from him.