tt,

That's bad for you. I'm sorry. At least I have a safety net here - I have the support of my parents and MIL and FIL, who are ENRAGED with WH, who promised that his A would make no difference to their beloved grandchildren!

If we do end up in said scummy flat, it should only be for a little while. I hope I'll at least be able to stay in the same area - the kids are in such great schools.

Alph.

MY MIL and FIL are the same but at the end of the day, he is their son. He's got a chronic health problem that complicates everything and I think that ultimately, they will support him if he gets very sick. (kidney failure). tt

Orchid but seriously....formrly smart, thoughtful people are reduced to lying, rationalising malfunctioning idiots by affairs. I'll never understand it. It truly is like a temporary mental illness.

Yes, I know I can't rely on MIL and FIL 100%. They'll never reject him, of course, but MIL will never stop nagging him about her grandkids if she thinks he deserves it.


Alph.

Everyone thinks that WH has gone mad, or had some kind of breakdown. As the A goes on, people are actually beginning to worry about the state of his mind, I think.

BIL (younger brother) got married when he was 19. Very young, of course. A year into the marriage he came home from work unexpectedly one day and found his wife in bed with her boss.

It took him years to get over this betrayal (his ex married her boss - four years later he left her for another woman - she had 2 kids by then). So BIL just cannot believe what his brother is doing - he knows the pain it causes. He also told their mother that he thought WH and I were one of the best-suited and happiest couples he'd ever known.

This thing with the money, too. If the spending continues, it will directly affect the happiness/safety/health/welfare of his children. Surely the greatest insanity of all.

Alph.

It's done!

Espanol Exposure Nuke launched today - ETA 5-6 days.

Nothing to do but wait now...

Alph.

Good job, Alph.

Any word from the Parent's Association or school/church heirarchy?

WAT

You not getting your friend to phone them now then Alph ?

WAT,

No news yet from PA or CBOG. If I don't hear anything by the end of the week I'll have to rethink.

bOb,

No, I just sent the letter + photos of WH and I and kids on last year's anniversary. After talking to my friend, I was certain that they were OW's parents. I didn't want to wait any longer in case I chickened out.

Alph.

Good morning Alphin,

“WH is going broke paying for this affair, to be a bachelor again. He is already overdrawn by a hefty amount and doesn't get paid for over a week. Cheques and direct debits will be bouncing sky-high before then.”

You might be able to use this as another bullet in your school/employer exposure sniper’s rifle. If the school does not feel embarrassment and outrage at his morally bankrupt A conduct, I bet they will feel their own looming exposure regarding an employee heading for fiscal bankruptcy. That’s a huge red flag to any employer.

Don’t give up on your Plan A efforts. The WS does notice. They just don’t admit it. And don’t forget, Plan A is about changing you for the better in the way you want. It’s not really about kowtowing to the WS. (Took me a long while to get that.)

I hope you put your telephone number in the letter. The parents will want to call you, I think. And when they do, don’t let pride get in the way of telling them the gist of the financial problems the A with their daughter has caused your family and his current spending habits. A financially irresponsible potential SIL is not something they will like the taste of.

With prayers for you and your family.

That's a very good point. Thank you, Aphelion!

I am also taking positive Plan A steps for myself and my girls. DD12 had a sleepover on Saturday night (I just went to bed and left them to it!!!) and DD5 started dance class on Saturday. Both girls delighted! I have also been filling out passport applications for my girls so that we can go on holiday in August to - wait for it - SPAIN!

I won't be visiting Omelette's parents, however. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I make sure that WH knows about these fun things were are doing without him.

Alph.

There's another reason for going away in August. Our anniversary is in August, and I don't want to be here, on my own, brooding about it when the time comes.

I sent photos of our last anniversary celebrations to OW's parents. I was so happy on that day, and it showed. Now I look at the photos and think: 'We should have gone out together, without the girls. I should have made more of an effort for us to be together, alone. Maybe he'd still be here today if only I'd done that'. But the photos are happy, we were all happy on that day last August. But I realise now that the kids have always been there with us for a long time, whenever we went out, and we haven't spent much time alone.

Even if WH were to file tomorrow, we would still be married by the time our next anniversary comes around. I just can't imagine spending it without him. So, so strange. So this is why I have to go away at that time, and I'll spend my wedding anniversary with my good friends in Spain instead.

Alph.

Come On Home (by The Indigo Girls).

Dark clouds are comin' in like an army
Soon the sky will open up and disarm me
And you will go, just like you've gone before
One sad soldier off to war
Enemies that only you can see.
Dishes stacked, the table cleared
It's always like the scene of The Last Supper here
You speak so cryptically
But that's not news to me
The flood is here, it will carry you
And I've got work to do.

Come on home
The team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
It just the forces of your past you've fought before
Come back here, and shut the door
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles

There is fire and there is lust
Some would trade it all for someone they could trust
There's a bag of silver for a box of nails
It's so simple the betrayal
Though it's known to change the world and what's to come

Come on home
The team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
It just the forces of your past you've fought before
Don't you recognise them anymore
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles

There's the given, and the expected
I count my blessings while I eye what I've neglected
Is this for better, is this for worse
You're all jammed up and the dam's about to burst

I hear hear the owl in the night
I realise that some things never are made right
But by some will we string together here
Days to months and months to years
What if everything we have adds up to nothing?

Come on home
The team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
It's just the forces of your past you've fought before
Come back here, and shut the door.
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.


I just love this song so much. Is this plan A or what??? I've already posted it in another thread, but just typing it out is kind of soothing for me, singing along as I go.

Just journalling...

Alph.

Alph

Family anniversaries are alwasy so hard when affairs are active. Fathers day, mothers day, Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas...

I can only refer you to Treereich, (trish) , who took back her anniversary to be a wonderful time with her son, Cam. They had a great day and a meal out together that they loved.

It was a celebration that WH and she once made a gorgeous human being together.
Not even her totally potty , abandoning and and scumbaggy WH can ever steal that from her and him.

She made positive from crap. I learned from that. You can too darl'.

Out last Ann. was 2 weeks after NC was put in place last September and it was OK.

Knowing she missed him with a phyisical craving wasn't nice but there she was with me when she had every chance to be with him.

This years may be nicer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I sure it will be happy for you this year, bOb!

Alph.

We'll see Alph. We'll see.

We're doing alright. You can too . The force is strong in you, young one.

I suspect you'll come out of this mess stronger than most of us, I really do. Have faith girlie.

BTW, you posted a song you love. In response I'll tell you that whenever I hear the first notes of 'Start me up' by the Stones it makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck and my arms and makes me want to ride a motorcycle a long long way.

Journalling...do I spell that right, BTW?

From such a high yesterday, to such a low today. I find myself wondering how WH can have such a fine time with his girls and then leave them and return to Omelette. And, of course, I know the answer. He is in love with her.

I give DD5 a bath; I wonder: how can he bear to have given up this simple pleasure? I read her a story; again, the same question. How can he bear to be so seperate from their lives, so much on the sidelines? And I know the answer to that too. He goes away, he left at the beginning of all this, because he cannot bear to be with me. It's like he told everyone: I didn't leave the kids, I left Alphin.

I sometimes think he wishes me dead. This must have crossed his mind. I know he wants to completely replace me with Omelette, he wants her to be the mother of his children and not me, and if I was dead it would be so easy for him. I see this man who used to have love in his eyes for me and there's nothing there anymore, nothing. I'm just in his way, superfluous, like so much dead wood. Without me he could have his perfect family, and live his perfect, happy life.

I am their mother, and nothing can change that. But I think about why WH left, and it all boils down to me. My failure. I've never seen a more devoted father than WH; he simply adores our girls. He wouldn't have chosen OW if he didn't think she would be a better mother than me. He thinks she is a better mother than me. Perhaps she would be. I don't know.

He's told me several times that it 'might be better for everyone' if I was to go away and leave the kids with him and OW. Once, when we were talking about selling the house he told me it would be best if we didn't sell it, if I just left and he could live there with the kids and OW. I feel I could just disappear tomorrow and he'd never give it a second thought, except perhaps one of relief.

I know, I know it's just hateful affair babble, and doesn't mean anything. But he expertly hits me right at my core: I gave up everything to be his wife and the mother to our children, and understand I was happy to do it. But now he says: you're sacked, you're rubbish, I've got someone better than you and none of us need you any more. So please just go away, and shut the door on your way out.

I wish I hated him. I wish I could get more angry. But I don't and I can't. I just want him to come home and shut the door and stay with us. But he can't bear to be with me,so he doesn't. He loves his kids, but he wishes I would disappear.

Alph.

Alphin WH just wishes the remnders of his guilt weren;t around., And you represent most of it.

Of course he wants you out of the picture.

But he NEEDS you in the picture to catch him when he falls, hard.

I've told youbefore that you're taking this far to personally. He didn;t have this affair AT you or to HURT you, its entirely about HIM.

You're collateral damage only, AND the salvation of his conscience.

Work the program and don't panic.

I heard the same kinds of things, Alphin. Many BSs have.

I read a thread here some time ago where the WS told the BS everything would be fine if she would just summon up the courage to kill herself.

About two weeks after W moved out she said, in all seriousness, I should leave instead so she could move back in the house. She figured that would be much better for everyone involved. She had not a care in the world as to where I would go or what would become of me.

Know what? I seriously considered it. But I soon realized DS would be much worse off. The fogged out WS is not a trustable parent. And I didn’t want to enable her hurtful actions any more.

I’ve also read many WSs later don’t remember saying these hateful things. I kind of doubt it. They don’t want to remember is all.

Are you taking anti-depressants? They helped me get through the worst lows. I still felt terrible but at least I could function rationally. The above happened before I started taken them. It took me a couple of days to think it through. After starting AD’s I could think through stoopid sounding stuff like that in seconds.

Expect the worst and hope for the best. Many people care about you and are praying for you.

Sorry bOb.

Please don't pull any more hair out! I just found out before I wrote that pity party that WH and Omelette have had a landline installed and not told me - he gave the number to DD12 without telling me. She tried to call him on it - what if the Omelette had answered?

He's playing games with me - I know it. I'm being cool and aloof, trying to act as if I'm getting on without him, and he's doing the same. But it's much more convincing when he does it because he's already proved that he doesn't need me!

I'll keep working the program. Please don't get fed up with me. I think I'm doing OK really.

Oh - I saw you and Squid on the photos thread! I'll imagine in a little more grey, as you suggested. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.