Good Job Alph.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you would expect them to at the moment you are in it, but later something will happen to explain his mood swing. All in all it will probably be something in your favor when you do find out what is eating him.

I hope the tortilla's mama and papa got the letter and I hope they aren't happy with her. Oh the tangled webs they weave eh?

HINY

GOOD SIGN that exposure has made ~the affair~ an uncomfortable place to be!

EXCELLENT work !

REALLY GOOD ... I am GLAD he is angry .... This means he does NOT want to end the marriage ... he wants BOTH the affair ~and~ the marriage with no discomfort felt for his choices (typical affair-headed-fog)

RELAX today ..... you deserve that cold one out on the deck.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Rock n roll Alph !

I hope exposure letter ha [censored] home Enjoy that brew thinking about the racket between OW Tortilla and WH over the call from her parents ! LOL !

GOOD WORK ! We're proud of ya ! You should be too !

Get ready to 'reverse babble' all the hostile confusing crap that you will hear your angry WH utter.

Do NOT attempt to 'make sense of' or 'understand' his utterences the next week or so.

Assume he will call you ugly names

Assume he will announce "All is lost" for the marriage

Assume he will threaten divorce and ~not~ file papers

Assume he will tell you he hates you and that he 'never' loved you

It's all, all, every bit of it CRAP

Here's MY reverse babble trick ... take it and run with it....

Whatever he says ... agree with it then say the opposite.

WH: " You are ruining any chances our marriage had."

Alph: "Yes,I agree ... I am ruining some chances . Can I bring you anything?"

WH: "You are so contemptable."

Alph: "Yes, I realize that I am contemptable. What does that word mean anyway?"

WH: "I hate you"

Alph: "I know, I hate this too."

WH: "You really hurt innocent people. OW's parents arereally hurt by this."

Alph: "I agree! So manyby-standers get run over by adultery. I wish adultery did not exist."

Keep it all without pointing AT him ... but agreeing with him then saying the opposite.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

To my Pappa, on this Father's Day.

I find myself thinking about you over and over today, not as the man you are now, but the little boy you used to be, and your relationship with your own dad, and how you wanted to impress him.

A father's relationship with his children is full of surprises. You reveal yourself to me a piece at a time, year by year and day by day.

I keep thinking of the story you told me three or four years ago, about the little boy you were in Norway during the Nazi occupation. How hard that must have been. How frightening.

Yet one night, you crept out of your Oslo apartment, made your way towards the enemy barracks, and crawled in under a hole in the wire. From there, you stole a single round of ammunition.

Triumphant, a hero of the resistance, you brought it home to your father!

You haven’t told me exactly what passed between you when you presented your father with this gift, but I suspect that his reaction was… disappointing. Later that night, he too crept out of the apartment, and made his way to the docks. There he disposed of the ammunition.

You are a conservative man, and I’d never before known you to take a risk, until you told me this story. But there’s a little of that resistance fighter in me, too. I just didn’t know it until very recently.

I am not as strong as you. But I am just as committed to family as I know you have always been, and that is why I do this now. I make a stand, I fight. It is dangerous. I may well not succeed. But please be proud of me, because I am trying.

I love you, Pappa.

* sniff * Smoky in here isn't it ?

Alph, Even I'M proud of you and I'm just a nobody bloke !

Your Dad will be uplifted by the girl he helped make become powerful woman.

God bless you and your Dad.

Wow Alphin, your dad and my dad should get together. He's Polish and was taken away by the Nazis at 14. His family thought he was dead and vice versa. Finally reunited when my dad was 37 yrs old thanks to the BBC World Service! His father passed away the following year. Almost like he'd waited all those years to see his son again and then he could go ... I never met my grandad but a few years later we all went to Poland for the most emotional reunion you can imagine. Incidentally I have a Norweigian half-brother but that's another story! TT

Hurrah for the BBC!

Intriguing...

Wonderful that they managed to meet again, your father and grandfather.

This is a really emotional day.

Alph.

How are you today, Alp?

Just want to give a HUGE ditto to what Pep said.

He being "mad as hell at me" is very good news. This may seem counterintuitive. But as Pep alluded, ANY anger from him pointed at you must mean that turmoil of some sort has entered LaLa Land. All turmoil is very good.

Keep doing what you're doing and take every opportunity to see him face to face for some good ole Plan A. Expect the anger and play with it.

How was the cold one? If you can share, I nominate bOb to be proxy for me.

WAT

Hi Faithful,

I'm doing good today, many thanks. How's your day been? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi WAT - never got to have the cold one, as the wonderful British summer turned into a torrential downpour. I had a cup of tea instead.

I've spent the whole day reading 'Private Lies' by Frank Pittman. I really enjoyed it - great sense of humour the guy's got. He has a way of really minimising the A - pokes fun at it, makes it seem a really dumb thing to do. I found that very helpful.

AND WIMBLEDON STARTED TODAY - HIGHLIGHT OF MY SPORTING YEAR!

Strawberries - check
Cream - check
Pimms - check
Weather changing for the worse in the near future - check

How I enjoy the heroic British failure, year after year. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I am really glad to hear you have Pittman. My copy is tattered with so many dog eared pages that they're meaningless markers. That and SAA is all anyone needs, IMHO.

Yes, Pittman has a good sense of humor - but it takes one to know one and you have a good one, too. This bodes well for you no matter what happens in LaLa Land. Have you gotten to the point yet when you have a hard time NOT laughing in your H's face? NOT very Plan A. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

The last time I laughed in his face (rather, in his ear) was when he phoned me just before he went to Spain and he was panicking about the first wave of exposure.

Just couldn't help it. It wasn't even funny - I was just hysterical, I think. Gosh, the strain!

Now he's all cross with me re. letter to Omelette's parents and won't talk about anything. Poor boy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Feel like patting him on the head and pinching his cheek. Overt patronizing behaviour isn't very Plan A either, I guess.

Alph.

May I ask for some advice?

I haven't been for a night out on my own since WH left. I want to ask him to babysit. I will obviously wait a little while for him to calm down after the letter exposure thing.

Here are the Plan A benefits as I see them:

- If he agrees, he will see me looking at my best.
- He will get to put DD5 to bed and read her a story, which he hasn't done since two days after he left.
- He will get to spend the evening with DD12 after DD5 is asleep; maybe she will open up to him. Anyway, they can have a nice evening together

Is this a good idea - will he just laugh in my face and tell me to find someone else to babysit, because I am so evil and am trying to ruin his beautiful romance? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alphin, I think its a wonderful idea! And I think you should do it often. Just stipulate that he has to babysit at your home and the children cannot be exposed to the ho-bag. That will cause trouble in paradise when he is away for the evenings at your house. Since there is no honor among thieves, she will get jealous. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

P.S. and don't tell him where you are going when you go out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, just do what Mel said.

She knows the walk and the talk!

HINY

Alph

' I agree with WAT, Pittman and SAA wonderful. just add 'torn asunder' for Christians and 'Not Just Friends' by Glass and you have the only infidelity library anybody needs IMO.

And the going out thing ? WONDERFUL !!

Worked BRILLIANTLY for me ! Dressed to kill, Squid phones around ALL my friend to find out where I was going and waited up for me till 3 in the morning so she could be angry and dismissive !

DO IT !!!

If I should need to go into plan B, I am worried about what will happen about the kids meeting OW.

Unlike many states in the US, the UK doesn't like to 'put blame' on one divorcing party or the other - both parents have parental responsibility for their children, and one cannot override the other without court intervention. There seems to be an attitude that it's best if everyone puts a brave face on for the sake of the children, and gets along. The morality or ethics of one parent who wishes to protest at the antics of the other has little bearing on the case unfortunately. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

If I go into plan B, I will not be divorced, and will not have gone to court. If I do go to court, they are likely to grant WH MORE access than he has already - ie, they will probably grant him overnight stays, which means automatic exposure to OW in their septic lovenest. There is no way I can actually prevent WH from introducing the kids to OW.

Any suggestions? SHould I Plan A for as long as possible to extend the time period before they have to meet her?

Alph.

Alph I can;t help you here darl'.

I would literally have burned OMs *** house down with him in it before he met my kids as 'mommy's new partner' and many on here who know me realise thats fact not bravado.

I'll open up a thread asking for advice for folks who've een there. Check in and see what wise folks can tell you.

Thanks b0b.

It's so different here in the UK - parents aren't allowed to have point of view at all!

Unless the other parent is a drug addict or something.

ALph.